What do you do at bedtime now?
We introduced supper as a bedtime filler, which worked well with DS. It wouldn't be that unusual for a kid her age to still have milk overnight, so maybe she just needs 'something' in her tummy? What do you reckon?
I'm quite sympathetic to the 'whatever works' parenting approach We used to give DS bananas at night after I night weaned. (I should have just continued feeding him, but that's a whole other story.) Thankfully, by 19 months or so he didn't need it any more. I think the main issue with it is the mess, as well as possible dental problems from eating at night.
Yes, he gives her the food and leaves. In fact, he gives her the food SO he can leave without her crying. I have pointed out the choking risk so often that I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall.
No, he does not eat in bed himself. Neither of us bring food into the bedroom. He does get up during the night to get a drink from the fridge, but he drinks it in the kitchen. DD has a sippy of water in her room with her every night and usually drinks at least half.
DD started STTN (10 hours without a feed) at 10 weeks old, so if she does "need" food during the night, it's because of this problem. Dinner is often right before bed (by the time we change her nappy & clothes, and brush teeth, etc, it's around the 30-60 min gap that most websites recommend having between eating and bed). She fights the nappy and clothing change tooth and nail these days (the last 2 nights we haven't been able to put PJs on her - the first night we tried for 90 mins to no avail and she put them on herself after we left her alone in her room). Most nights we read a book, but when I say "read", anyone watching DH would think he was illiterate because he doesn't read a single word of the text, just points out a few pictures and then leaves the book with her (which is another rule I'm desperate to get him to follow, because I'm sick of finding expensive books torn to shreds in the morning!!). He will also not stick to the "once she's in the bedroom she stays there" consistency aspect of bedtime and will bring her out with him to get the book in the first place.
My issues with him giving her food in bed are (in no particular order):
* cleaning/pest control
* choking hazard
* teaching her that the solution to being upset is to eat (ie setting her up for a lifetime of emotional eating and obesity)
* tooth decay
* not teaching her that there are rules and boundaries that need to be followed (he won't set and enforce ANY rules and he won't follow any I try to set either...)
* no time for DD to digest food between eating and sleep (leading to poor sleep)
I just don't know what to do to get the message through to him that this is not normal or acceptable behaviour? He claims to always put DD first, but I've caught him leaving her unsupervised in the bath and his argument was "he could hear her". Never mind that, by the time you realise you can no longer hear them, it's too late... And then he did it again 2 mins after I yelled at him about it! And then tried to feed her dinner in the bath so he could get her to bed earlier! What makes an intelligent person such an idiot? If we lose her because he's such a... I can't even think of a word... I'll never forgive him! How on earth do I get through to him that there are damn good reasons why other people don't do these things?
All your reasons are totally valid - I couldn't think of any more to add. Is your DH the sort of person who would agree not to do these things if a professional told him its bad (eg if you went to a doc or something together to discuss this). Or would he realise its detrimental if you showed him some articles on the topic? It sounds like he's making things very difficult for you!
How much time do you spend together at bedtime? Most kids need quite a long lead-in time to settle down for bed. so there's bath and teeth etc, but after than books, and cuddles/songs/whatever they like to settle off to sleep. So, is he handling the bedtime or the both of you? It kind of sounds like he can't really be arsed doing it... am I reading that right?
My DD often fights nappy and PJs - I just insist on a nappy before she gets into bed, and she has gone with PJs before
Re your husband... um. that sounds very frustrating. You're obviously not quite reading the same page here. Perhaps if you guys work on an entirely different bedtime routine and agreed to stick to it for a week - giving your DD time to get used to it - then he might see that there are better ways of doing it than just dumping food and running.
chody, I've started sending him articles to read, but I honestly doubt he'll read them. I don't know about whether he'd listen to a professional, but I'm willing to try it if we can't resolve the situation ourselves.
MadB, you're probably right on all counts. He usually does bedtime because when I start telling him to do things differently he just yells at me to leave, so I have given up trying. I will need to work on it.
We used to give DS bananas at night after I night weaned. (I should have just continued feeding him, but that's a whole other story.) Thankfully, by 19 months or so he didn't need it any more. I think the main issue with it is the mess, as well as possible dental problems from eating at night.
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