Here's another reason for your DH...offering food as a 'comfort' promotes comfort eating and can lead to eating disorders/weight issues later on.

I'd be livid if that was my DH! Not sure how realistic this would be (and whether it would cause more resentment), but can you enlist family/friends/someone he respects to 'shame him' into changing? If you've tried everything else, enlist professional help. Some of your concerns are just too dangerous to be ignoring. I'd be refusing to leave if I was worried about supervision at bath time. The PJ's/dressing aren't worth the fight - as long as she wears a nappy, I'd ignore it - DS did similar at one stage; once we let it go, he did it maybe once more. What do you do when he's (not) supervising bath time? If you're cooking/cleaning, tell him you'll swap - DH takes his iPad into the bathroom, so that keeps him there, lol. Could your DH bring a 'toy' too?!

Can you sit down together and work out a routine you both agree to? We share duties here - DH does most of the stuff with DS as otherwise he feels he doesn't see him much (thank goodness for me!). We read on the lounge - usually just me but sometimes DH or both of us (depending on what needs doing in the kitchen). Then teeth (DH usually), cuddles with DS and I, then DH puts him to bed (tells him a story and they have cuddles). Can you try story time outside the room - no books left to destroy, you can 'model' reading, or share the reading (this is how we started as DH wasn't into reading either)? DH loves making up silly stories to tell DS in bed, so that works well here - again, they started simply but DH is now a master storyteller!

Bedtime - is DD picking up on the tension here and could it be contributing to her not wanting to go to bed?

Same for night wake ups - choose an approach together and stick to it - it'll probably get worse before it gets better. Battery operated nights light?