thread: Toddler jealous of baby

  1. #1
    Registered User

    Apr 2009
    Melbourne
    3

    Toddler jealous of baby

    Hi

    My 2 yo is a lovely, sweet, well-behaved little boy. Well, he was until three weeks ago. That's when he's little brother arrived.

    He has now become aggressive and destructive and demanding, particularly when I am breastfeeding the bub and can't respond to his demands. Fortunately DH has been home. He has kept Aidan entertained during the day - taking him to the park, shops, visits his mates / relo's, etc. But he goes back to work on Monday! Nooooooo! How am I going to cope!

    Does anybody have any advice on how I can give my baby the attention he needs without my toddler throwing a tanti?




  2. #2
    Registered User

    Jul 2007
    Over the rainbow
    1,509

    Oh hun ... goodluck!!!

    Maybe when bubba is sleeping you can have some special mommy-son time?? Do some puzzle's with him, read him a story, let him help you do the laundry/dishes/cook. Don't buy him something ... he wants you time and some special cuddels.

    I'm not a SAHM, but when the kids get home, DH takes dd and plays outside till I have bathed and fed ds. Then ds goes to bed and I get dd for dinner and spend some time with her.

    I know it's hard.

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Jan 2007
    Adelaide
    377

    I havent been in your situation but my best advice is when bubs is happy and sleeping maybe have some you and toddler time maybe play games or make stuff, drawings, cooking or get him to help you put some washing in or clean up make it fun for him. Have you asked him to help get bubs nappy or asked him to join in bathing bubs with you. kids are very jealous i know this from the twins but i just get them to help me and join in together.

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Aug 2006
    Our house, in the middle of our street
    1,996

    Hi there
    First up, congratulations!!
    I had the same issues when my 2nd DD was born. My eldest dd was 17 months.
    I used a basket and filled it with toys for her to play with. We would only take that basket out when i was feeding. Another trick is to make sure that you have snacks prepared for him ahead of time.
    Do you have a sling? They are great for allowing you to play at the park, and at home etc.
    Good luck. It does get better

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Mar 2009
    1,400

    MH - it's awfully daunting! We're 5 months down the track .... and the good news is it gets much better. Some suggestions I had were to really state that it was special mummy and toddler time when we were hanging out. My DD1 seemed to like the label - before I did this she didn't seem to get that we were doing special one on one stuff. I also completely gave up doing anything other than focus on her when bubs was asleep early on - once she chilled out a bit I was able to manage other things too. I found this really hard as the house was a mess for ages but at least she was happier and stopped trying to beat up her little sister (no exaggeration - my darling girl swapped overnight for a really mean and violent one). I also found heading outside to blow lots of bubbles and run around the washing line helped too - nothing like fresh air and a bit of exercise to blow off steam. I also got some special crayons/stickers and paper which she was only allowed when it was feeding time - this took ages to get going but we did get there. Similarly the baby gave her a Dora DVD for feeding time - she wasn;t allowed much TV so this worked a treat...but I am now trying to wean her off it! We also went for LOTS of walks/playdates and park visits in the pram.

    I found it quite stressful - but like all of these things it passed and now she is a very protective and loving big sister. We've had some funny moments - she spent a period breastfeeding her dolls and also now gets really annoyed if someone holds 'her' baby. It really is a big change - and shock for everyone!

    Good luck next week - let us know how you are going!

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Feb 2009
    2,031

    I found involving them when I was feeding or changing baby helped. TBH, the worst worst spot of jealousy I have ever experienced was when Lyta was 4yo. She tried to stop Harry from crying so it wouldn't take my attention away from doing something for her. I walked into the dining room with her sandwich and found her with her hand over his mouth and pinching his nose. It was so so hard not to fly right off the handle with her in case it made the situation worse, but she really had to know what she did was serious.

    After that I kept him with me on a sling and had them help me at feeding time or to change a nappy - that way they felt involved.

    Good Luck!

  7. #7
    Registered User

    Feb 2008
    In my own little world
    719

    Oh MH, I wish I could remember the things I did with my kids as each new bub came along, but I'm so used to having my hands full, that I must be overlooking something!

    I do remember getting DS1 a baby doll while I was pregnant with DD, so that he could get used to having a baby around .... teaching him to be gentle etc before she arrived (the doll ended up being bigger than DD ) So when I was feeding DD, DS1 was "feeding" his baby ... but he was a bit older than yours ....

    He liked to cuddle up to me while I was feeding too ... actually, all three of the eldest have liked to cuddle or lay their heads on my lap while the baby has been feeding (successively of course! The eldest wouldn't do it now!)

    All I can say is that it does get easier! I can now feed DS3 relatively drama free, but he is nearly 9 months. I think like some of the others have suggested, try to make a time that is "you and DS1" time, while the baby is sleeping. Yes the house may look like a bomb has hit it for a while (heck, mine still does! LOL) but IMO it's worth it for your eldest to realise that he hasn't been "replaced" so to speak ...

    HTH xxx

  8. #8
    Registered User

    Jul 2006
    Logan
    2,991

    I had this when DD2 arrived. DD1 was horrid especially when I was feeding. Check out my gallery for an example of what she got up to!!!

    I constantly talked to her and told her what I was doing with the baby. When bub needed a feed I told her that I was going to do so and I always gave her a big hugs and kiss before I started. DD1 was not interested in helping with the baby so I had to find out how to entertain her whilst I was tending to bub. I often feed bub and did activities with DD1 at the same time or I used the good old TV.

    I also talked to DD1 about which behaviour that I did not like, some times I ignored her too. But when she was really good I went over the top with praise.

    I never pushed the new baby onto DD1. If she wanted a cuddle then I let her but I never insisted.

    I also tried to find one on one time with DD1 without bub around. I found bath time or bed time to be the best bet.

    I also asked visitors to acknoweldge DD1 before the baby. This helped by making her feel important too.

    I am heading down the same track again with DD3 due in 3 months and I am dreading this part of bringing home a new baby. DD2 is heaps more clingy to me than DD1 was/is.

    Goodluck this is a hard time but it does get better.

  9. #9
    Registered User

    Oct 2005
    Cherry Tree Lane
    1,108

    my ds will be 22 months when bubs is born- and this is my worst fear-

  10. #10
    Registered User

    Dec 2005
    Melbourne, Vic
    4,338

    I get DD1 to be involved with things, getting nappies, rocking the bouncer.
    When DD2 is asleep I'll play with her and always point out alot how DD2 can't do..... (whatever we're doing) cause she is too little and DD1 is a big girl.
    When I'm feeding I'll chat to DD1 and ask her to get out something from her toy room to show me and we'll chat about it.
    I must admit tho we have been quite lucky with DD1 behaviour she adores bubs and always wants to chat to her and show her things and wants to give her her dummy when she is crying.

  11. #11
    Registered User

    May 2007
    Home
    2,050

    Inertia -OMG!!! that would scare the living day lights out of me!!!

    Glad i found this thread, DD will be 2 when this baby arrives. I hadn't even thought of the jealousy taht will occur until reading this.

  12. #12
    Registered User

    Apr 2009
    Melbourne
    3

    Thanks everybody for replying to my original post. You've all been a big help. I think I'm already seeing improvements in DS#1's behaviour. I'm feeling much better and confident about things now. Although I still wish my DH would hurry up and come home from work!