What do I suggest as an alternative?

[Liz]

DS seems to have trouble dealing with feelings of disappointment and of frustration when he's told he can't do or have something, or his embaressment? if he's in trouble for doing something naughty. He goes and tips over a piece of furniture (bit weird - he doesn't throw it down in frustration, he lays it down.. but with attitude LOL) or he walks up and hits something (wall, door.. whatever is nearby). I tell him not to hit things.. but I need to give him an alternative. I've read that kids don't respond to just being told not to do something.. they need to know what TO do. Such as saying "don't run.. walk". So what can I get him to do instead of hitting things, knocking furniture over and throwing books & toys around?

The other night when we said no more stories it's time for sleep, he starting kicking his legs, kicking us, and whinging. I told him not to kick, and asked him if he's feeling sad because daddy won't read him another story. He said yes and little tears came to his eyes (poor little man). So I'm trying to help him by describing for him what he's feeling, but how do we help him vent his frustrations without hitting & kicking?

[~Saram~]

The describing is a great idea as the better his verbal skills the better he will deal with his frustraations. In the meantime give him an outlet that is acceptable. A pillow he can throw or kick or bite or hit. Once he is allowed to do it you will probably find it loses some of the attraction.

Make sure you give him lots of warnings (ie we will pack the toys up in five minutes, 3 minutes, 1 minute, 30 sec, 10,9,8) and lots of boundaries we will read 3 stories and then we are going to bed.

At the same time maybe you could start a reward system for dealing with things the right way depending on how old he is.

HTH

[Liz]

Thanks Sarah. We've often joked that he needs a punching bag!

We do give him warnings that we'll only read the book 2 more times or something. Must admit we need to be more consistent with things like that tho.

but what IS the right way to deal with frustration? LOL. I just find myself left with nothing to say.. I ask him if he's feeling frustrated or sad, but then I don't know what to tell him after that.. "when you're feeling like this you need to......."

In a perfect world, he'd just be happily obedient and go to sleep.. or find something else to do. LOL.

[Butterfly_Princess]

Hmm not too sure, never dealt with this before, but maybe you could say "When you feel like this you need to talk to mummy or daddy." I dunno could be a lil silly, but itd kinda be like venting for him?? But maybe itll let him realise that these feelings are normal and that you are there to help, even if it is to just give him a cuddle or something to let him relax or feel okay about it. It might help though when he is a bit older and is in a grumpy bad mood, he wont shut ppl out like most males do lol, and also when he is a bit older maybe if he were to have a problem or dillemma he may come talk to you a lot easier because he may feel its the norm??

[meow]

Maybe something like 10 starjumps or jumping on the spot? Something to focus on but burn some of that energy at the same time... but I'd keep up the verbalising his feelings with him too.

[Lucy]

We had this a lot with Olivia, and truth be told,we still do, even though she is able to articulate well. She is at the point where she can understand that she is frustrated, but still doesn't know why.

SO I have no solutions really, just that talking and helping them vent means that you can nip the kicking in the bud.

The only thing that helps with Olivia and her red headed angry tanties is "When you feel this frustrated and angry darling, take big big deep breaths" (We practice together for a few minutes and it usually is enough distraction to diffuse the situation........