Then I must be a terrible parent because since my DS was four months old I have hardly felt anything for him.

The logical part of me agrees with you, but the sick part of me that struggles to connect with my DS at all is really offended.

I know I am a good parent. Most of the time I don't know how, considering the heartbreaking thoughts I have about my DS, and don't know why I know I am a good parent. I just know that I am. Because despite all the bad days, the times I have wanted to harm not only him but myself, I have never turned my back on him. I sought help, and it was hard, but I am a good mum because I want to be, because I am trying to be, even though most days I feel nothing, nothing for my son.
Cookie you are definitely not a bad parent. I am glad that you see that you arent. You are an amazing parent for the fact that you never turned your back on your DS even when times were extremely difficult. You stuck buy him.

Asking for help and reaching out makes a good parent. This place is amazing to get the help that we need.

I feel like maybe I shouldn't post in this area as I don't have a child yet (so how could I possibly know) but I have learnt so much from this place and feel like I will be a better parent because of this place and the people in it.