Where to go Sleep School? I need help i've had enough!!!

[HotI]

Hi EJ, sorry you're having a hard time still. It's not you, ok? Have you ruled out all likely suspects - teeth, illness, developmental leap, food sensitivities etc?
Also, before going ahead, have a think about what you want to do exactly - your goal - and what you're willing to do (so you don't get pushed into something you're not really happy about).
All the best

ETA - and for what it's worth, she sleeps a lot better than my DD So if you're a crap mother I'm a shocking one.

That was kinda what i was trying to say! (and when my DD was 12 months, i must have been a shocking mum too!- we had break throughs around 12 months, 15 months & 18 months)

[*EJ*]

MamaPan Tweedle will be calling me back on Tuesday between 9am-12pm. Thank you

Feeb i'd love to know who your neighbour comes back with. I just spoke to night nannies and they are $278.50 per night and a min of 2 nights.

FabFiona a group booking sounds great!!!

Willow i am breastfeeding and i love it. There's a part of me that wonders if that is the problem because of the lovely snuggles we get when she's feeding but i also know that is most likely not the case. But the additives in food could be an issue, i have been a little slack lately But this issues has been happening for quite some time. 6, 7 or 8 hours is fantastic!!!

RhiChiChi how long ago did you use South Eastern? I called them today as i got the number from my MCHN at our 12 month appt and they said they no longer have that service. Which would make the waiting lists for the others even longer wouldn't it!?!

MadB i'm at a loss really. She still has no teeth, i'm trying to get her to eat a little more (MCHN thought might help with sleep and weight) but i feed her until she refuses so i can't get any more into her than i am. Yesterday she had a slight temp but fine today. Is the 13month mark a wonder week?? She is very lively and her personality does seem to be blossoming at the moment. MadB for me it is the lenghts of sleeps.

Night Nannies did say that they used all gentle sleep techniques which sounded a little reasuring.

[willow5]

EJ I honestly could not believe how taking out some of those little numbers could make such a difference, and it really wasn't as hard as I thought. My DS never slept more than 2 hours in a row from birth so after almost 2 years of it I was ready to, well, I don't even know, run away maybe. I wish I had thought to try it well over a year ago. I wondered about BF being the issue too but it wasn't the BF cuddles, it was the numbers in the milk. At first I only excluded them from his diet, not mine (slack ) there was improvement, but when I stopped having them too, it was like magic! I'm still BFing and loving it even more as I'm not a living zombie any more
Best of luck for whatever you decide, I really hope you get some sleep soon!


Addit: There is a great website with lots of info pm me if you're interested I'll give you the name, I don't think we're supposed to post links in here.

[*EJ*]

Thanks Willow, i try to be concious of all the numbers with the boys but not so much myself (and therefore DD). I will try giving it a go.

I have gotten to the 12 month mark and can no longer just go with it hoping it will get better or just accepting it is her. I need to try something and if then after that i still have the same situation then i may be better at accepting it's her. She is so different to my boys and i know she's allowed to be in every way but i struggle so much with the amount of waking she does, i'm getting a little worked up and anxious about it all. When she woke up this afternoon after another 1/2 hour sleep (house relitively quiet, DS2 in bed, DS1 and i having quiet time together) i just wanted to scream as i'm just so furstrated at the situation and want change.

Of course none of us are really crappy mothers , MadB you know me i have a habit of blaming myself when it comes to DD's sleep. Who knows if i'm expecting too much from her but i have to try something for both of our sakes.

Had a chat to DH about everything and for now we'll wait and try and talk to a few of the public places next week, obviously not having to spend $$ will be a plus but if we have to i will. It's definately tempting knowing that they'd be able to come out next week. We are going away for two weeks on the 16th so there really is no use in trying to do anything before that. I'll have two weeks of a slightly different routine to what we have going now. Just going to do my best to relax and enjoy being away though

Thanks for all your help xo

[willow5]

Not enough sleep is so hard to cope with Sending sleep vibes your way~~~~~~

[FabFiona]

Thinking about private hospitals I know that Mitcham Private, Masada and North Park Private all have Mother Baby Units that do sleep school.

[Beach Mama]

Haven't read back but Monash Medical have a lady who I have heard is amazing. I think her name is Margot Davey?(sp) I know someone who went to 4 different places after not sleeping for 2 yrs with her DS and finally got somewhere with her. Good luck xox

[*EJ*]

Thanks Tanstar, i had a look and from what i found it's called Adamson Sleep Laboratory at Monash and it looks like it covers an extensive range of sleep problems. It's one you need a referral for. Only 4 beds though, i wonder what the wait would be like??

[meow]

and for what it's worth, she sleeps a lot better than my DD

I was thinking the same! If it's any consolation to you, my son who is a month older sleeps worse than that. He has 1x 60-90 min sleep a day and wakes about every 2.5-3 hours overnight.

[RhiChiChi]

Crap, sorry Hun I used it when DD was 10 months old and she is now 4.5 yo. I cant believe they are no longer offering it. They must need the beds for maternity or something else. I know there was a lady whom used the service twice, so there was a demand. I know my gf used Tresillian but they were quite rigid. Best of luck, I hope you can sort something out ASAP. I know my gf used one of the services at home and she loved it. If you have no luck getting into a program I can get the details and PM u.

[*EJ*]

Bad night....

I just got her up and gave her to DH, i'm a little too upset to be with her right now.

Yesterday she had one morning sleep, maybe the 40min to hour mark. Then in the afternoon she missed it. This is what i battle with, her sleep is such a mess and it's probably really important that we don't miss them but do i stay home all day every day (especially with the shcool holidays, no activities at the moment) just to make sure she gets another hour??? Yesterday we went to visit family of mine and the kids got a play in the pool, they loved it. I felt they needed something most of this week has been spent at home.

So DD had maybe 5 min in the car at about 4-5ish and then woke up once home. We had dinner and a bath and she was in bed on 7pm. Then she woke about 10:30pm, was a real bugger to get back to sleep, i think she was finally alseep by 11:30pm. She woke again at 2:30, 3:30 and was up for the day at 5:50am. I fed her in the dark, no talking, put her straight back in her cot but she was chatty the whole time. I laid on the bed next to her cot hoping she'd relax and have at least another hour but no. I fed her every time she woke.

Girls i'm sorry for those who are dealing with even more sleeplessness and are able to cope with that but i just can't anymore. I've reached the end of just being able to go with it. I don't want to resent her for my lack of sleep and her lack of sleep. When i'm on the verge of tears waking up especially after crappy nights it's not good.

So last night i had a good look at a food/diet website (Thanks Willow) and i'm seriously going to look into diet for all of us. I believe i'm pretty good with our choices but maybe i'm not good enough. There's not use doing some sleep training if it's these outside factors that are messing with us. MadB i really do hear what you're saying

I'm try but it's just so hard sometimes.

[Beach Mama]

Might be worth getting a referral hun even if things pick up between now and then. As for others sleeplessness being worse, it is all relative to our situation. Nobody else knows what you can cope with, how much sleep you can deal with, what you are having to cope with in the daytime so don't ever feel like you should be coping or feel guilty sleep deprivation is a real thing and getting disturbed sleep over time can mess with so many aspects of daily life. I hope you find someone to help- call and get on wait lists for all of them, it can take ages to get in and of you don't need a place because you go elsewhere and cancel there will always be a grateful mama who gets in early! Good luck hun xoxox

[Jules84]

I'm hearing where you're coming from EJ, we have very similar issues here and I'm feeling much the same this morning. You're doing great, don't ever think it's anything to do with you. I hope with all these suggestions you're able to find something that works. I'm thinking of you.

[onthefly]

Can your DH take over like taht more often? That's what I do when I've had enough - it happens quite often, believe me! And when DD is up at sparrow's fart I hand over again and go back to bed for an hour or 2 till DH has to leave for work. No lie, it's the best sleep I get all night.
You're not weak or inadequate EJ. You're just under-resourced. Most of us are because we try to do it all on our own.
And when you're exhausted with no hope of reprieve, of course you feel like crap. I hang on only because i KNOW it will get better. Right now we make do - I grab what rest I can, when I can and I don't expect too much from myself or my baby. The best advice I ever got with regards to sleep - and at the time I thought it was dreadful advice and hated hearing it - was to let go and give up. It took me some time to understand this advice, but it's easier to get it 2nd time round because I've been through this and out the other end before.
Do what you need to do EJ. Make your life as easy as you can and call in all the resources you can muster

[*EJ*]

Tanstart i've never spoken to my dr about it but like you said maybe it's time. And yes i'm coping the best way i know how, it may be half of what some do as i know there are families out there bigger than mine but for me this is full on. Not sure if it's just me feeling so exhausted and struggling to keep up but my gosh my boys are DEMANDING I think i will do like you said also and put my name done on a few waiting lists and see what happens. Three months is a long time to wait though

Thanks Jules, we were going along well like i had said to you but she is just so inconsistant. I think that plays a big part in what i'm able to cope with, one night i get a pretty good sleep and then next is cr@p for no known (to me) reason. I just don't think i can go on without trying to change things anymore.

MadB i really do think it's time for us to give something a try. For my own mental sake. I've tried and tried (as you have read in the past 12 months) but just giving up the fight and letting it go is not working for me. DH was very hands on with DS1 and i think as i became a more capable mother i've taken over more of the care roll and he always just seems to let me do what i do. His patience with DD especially is very minimal, because she is so stubborn in her crying sometimes and all she wants is me he gives up (after no time at all really) and gives her back to me. I take her because i don't want her crying and she's happy. I am doing 95% of her care on my own but that's not saying he does nothing, when he's not at work he's very hands on with the boys. It's just easier to leave DD to me. To look out even further than that DH's mum is really pretty good but she is now about 45 min away and i don't like to ask her to come over just to hang around the house. My mum on the other hand is a lot closer and drops in from time to time but she just sits on her backside, never has she walked in the door and said, what are you doing for dinner tonight? I'll make it for you. Or do you want me to bath the kids or..... don't get me started. I am coping the best way i know how on my own for the most part. Yes i definately try to do it all on my own, it's my kids and my family but i would never say no to an offer of help.

I just need to see in myself that i'm trying to help the situation. Thank you all so much for you help

[MamaPan]

get the referrals and then see what comes up and when.
i totally get that you want to be making things better. you can get put up the list if a GP calls for you i think.

maybe outright ask your mum to help. my mum is awesome (works full time though) but when things were hard i literallu called and said 'mum could you please make me a couple of meals for the week'. she loved that i asked and did it with pleasure. i think i come acros as though i dont need help even when i do deep down. ask her - the worst that happens is she says she cant help you.

[*EJ*]

Thanks MamaPan. I do ask my mum for help and she does do it when i ask. She looks after the kids so i can get to appts but it only seems to be occasions like that. Not just spontaneous because she can. It's ok though, it'd be nice but i'm not complaining i just expect to do what i have to do

Just called O'Connell Family Centre and they are sending me out some paper work to fill in, once they have received that i will be on the list to receive a phone call from them which can take up to three weeks, then after that there may be another wait of up to 4 weeks. Not as bad as QEC.

[onthefly]

Mate, if you need to do something, then do it I say these things because I can see how anxious you are about it (and have been for a long time, I know) and that is not good for you. If you can let go of that anxiety then you might feel a bit better, that's all. I only know from my own experience, of course, but that change in perspective really helped me.

Sometimes we have to ask for help if it doesn't get offered Sometimes we have to pay for the help and that's ok too.