DD's "boyfriend" is a gorgeous kid. they have the occasional disagreement about who has what bike to ride etc, but they get along like a house on fire. His mum and I sit together at work and socialise a fair bit outside of work as well.

problem - socialising with them means we are going to be socialising (parties etc) with my friends brother and his kids. 3 of the 4 kids are really nice - but one is horrid. my friend doesn't like him playing with her son (but she loves her brother, so is kinda in a catch 22) because he is a bully. big time. he waits til people have their back turned, and he'll attack the littler kids. he is 4. He is competitive for attention with my friends little boy all the time. if L is playing with something, P wants it. if he can't force L to hand it over, he screams blue murder and goes sooking to his parents. his parents have the attitude that L is in the wrong cos "he's an only child and doesn't know how to share". Such a crock!! he shares brilliantly with DD. P just wants whatever L has to cause him grief.

yesterday we were at my friends place to watch the footy. DD went off to play with her little boyfriend like she always does. they were running around the yard, playing on the slide, no dramas at all. then P came out of the house, and started interfering. the two little kids (28 month DD, 35month L) were playing on the slide, so P climbed up and started pushing tonka trucks off the slide, aiming at the little ones. i wasn't much watching the game so i was keeping an eye on them - but was trying not to be a "helicopter parent". DH stepped in and asked P to stop with the trucks or he'd confiscate them all

i had to duck inside to go to the loo - within a minute, P came in. "the girl is crying, she fell off the steps" - the slide is almost as tall as DH, so nearly 6 foot up. i went out to her straight away - she was really distressed. i picked her up and cuddled her and asked her where she hurt. she couldn't tell me. i asked her if she fell - she looked at P and said "no, he push". I know kids can lie, but DD has never had a reason to lie, and i believe her that he pushed her off the steps to the slide. it took us nearly an hour to convince her it was ok to go back up the slide - and every time she started to climb up, she looked around and made sure she could see where P was. if he was close, she'd walk away. A little later, she was up on the top of the play equipment, getting ready to slide - he climbed up and pushed her down the slide (i witnessed that one). i didn't want to make a big deal of it, but didn't want him getting away with pushing the little kids around, so asked my friend what approach she thought i should take. she spoke to all the kids about being gentle and not hurting each other

later in the evening, he was chasing DD with a wooden spoon - aiming for her head (this was after making his cousin cry by hitting him and taking toys off him) - again, i wasn't sure how to deal, but my friend seen it and confiscated the spoons and told him to play nice. his parents were RIGHT THERE - and did nothing. sorry, that's a lie - when he had a tantrum, his mother picked him up, said "ooh you're tired" and asked him if he wanted milo in a bottle. sigh

so, i guess i'm at a point - i don't know how to deal with this. we're "maybe" catching up next weekend, and definitely in about a month for L's birthday. how do i help DD to know what is acceptable from him and what isn't? how do i help her stand up to him and not be pushed around? i don't want her to feel like she has to take it, but i don't want her to feel that she has to run and tell someone everything he does. i believe in kids learning about conflict resolution as early as possible kwim? She did a pretty good job yesterday of moving away and playing with something else every time he came near her, but that's not always going to be possible - and i dont want her to end up hurt (she was pushed up a wooden fort - which has a water tank right beside it - from where her hat ended up, she was right between the two. i am assuming, from the lack of marks - aside from a graze on her face - that she wasn't far up the steps - he's just pushed her sideways - but she could have been hurt if she'd been higher or if she'd hit her head on the tank or fort)

any suggestions? i don't want to have to hover - i want her to be confident and be able to play with her friend - but i also want her to be safe!