He's not a dog BG. This is a child we're talking about.
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He's not a dog BG. This is a child we're talking about.
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yes, he is a kid
a kid that they know punches and pushes other kids around - he has a nasty streak that they are aware of, and yet they chose not to supervise him
hell, at the end of the day, his mother was saying DD must have been a great influence because it's the first time L and P hadn't had issues. so she KNOWS it happens - but she chooses not to supervise. a kid that has a nasty streak or tends to be a bully should be supervised with kids they know he will target (yes, DD was first time, but he targets his cousin every time they are together) all the time IMO. it shouldn't be up to me or my friend to supervise him to make sure our children don't get hurt. it shouldn't be up to us to have to work out how to pussy foot around discipline issue with someone elses child to stop ours getting hurt. i shouldn't feel a need to come on BB and ask for advice on how to teach my TWO YEAR OLD how to stand up to a bully.
she understands that dogs are lovely but she has to be careful around them - and she's not left unsupervised with any dogs. i shouldn't have to teach her that kids can be dangerous too. i shouldn't have to be teaching her to avoid children. if she acts out and takes toys off a child or hits out at another child, she is removed from the situation and told why it's wrong to behave like that - i damn well shouldn't have to take her out of a situation, make her feel like SHE is being punished, when a kid that they KNOW is a right little brat that hurts the other kids is left unsupervised!
to be honest, i'd rather leave her in the back yard with my friends dog than her nephew. you might find that offensive, but i believe she is safer and less likely to get hurt like that.
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As a dog lover I don't find that offensive at all.
As the mother of a child who used to do these things I do find what you said about that child offensive, both to that particular child and to his parents. Like I said in my previous post, the only thing YOU can do to protect your dd (because she is too young to protect herself and to play unattended) is to be with her and teach this boy how you want him to treat your dd. That is all you can do if they are going to be associating with each other on a regular basis.
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then why the statement about the dog? i don't get it. i don't believe i've been wishy washy or said anything that insinuates i believe he is like a dog - so why make the statement?
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THIS dog comment - is it the fact i didn't put the word "unsupervised" in that particular sentence. i'm pretty sure i'd covered it off more than a few times in my posts - didn't think it would require further clarification in each sentence...
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Oh that dog comment....
No, the word unsupervised had nothing to do with it. The way you described the child in that sentence reminded me of something someone would say about a dog. I probably could have worded it better but when it comes down to it, this is a child we're talking about. How would you like it if your DD was described in that way?
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if she was bullying other kids and i wasn't supervising and trying to intervene to teach her right from wrong, i'd expect it!
yeah, he's four. yeah, a lot of this is probably more about what his parents aren't doing to teach him right from wrong/give him attention. but the fact is that he IS a bully, and i'm not going to down play that. i didn't come on here to have a discussion of how he came to be a bully, i came on here to get help with how to help my two year old deal with him so that she doesn't have to miss out on going to things with her best friend. maybe i could fluff it all out and make it sound all airy fairy and hugs and kisses or whatever, but the truth is i am really peeved that they chose not to supervise a four year old that they know has a nasty streak. my daughter got hurt because they chose not to supervise him. i'm not gonna pussy foot around that. i'm not going to sit here and rethink everything i type in an effort to try and negate any potentially negative connotations that may be taken on a statement i've made about this kid. he is a bully. his AUNT thinks of his as a sociopath. i think the misconstrued statement that may or may not have sounded like a reference to a dog is the least of the issues here.
if i wanted help on how to approach this boys parents about the fact he is a bully, that's what i would have asked. i'm not. i have a DD who is highly likely to be at the receiving end of bullying as she grows up if she is anything like her mum. red hair makes her a target. potentially needing glasses adds another target reason. she needs to learn to deal with them for herself - THAT's what i'm asking - for HELP on teaching her, at this age, what a bully is and how to deal with them - forgive me my protective mumma bear instinct and my inability to word my statements about a child that pushed my kid off a six foot ladder in a sugar and spice way. right now, i dont' care what anyone thinks my perception of him is - i care about MY DAUGHTER. i can't do much to help him - an hour here and there from a relative stranger isn't going to help him. that's on his parents. i can help my poppet though - and whether it's helping her deal with him, or the next obnoxious kid she comes up against at a play centre/playground, i'm asking for help to help HER deal
she's an only child - 99% of the time, she has adults around her - adults that don't push boundaries, dont' intentionally hurt her. she doesn't have older siblings that have taught her to stand up to them. she is treated with respect as a little person. she doesn't understand when other kids treat her like crap. she doesn't understand when they hurt her.
can we maybe stay on topic and not pick on my wording cos frankly, i dont' care - i care about HELPING HER
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So sorry your little one is having a rough time with this kid. I think Onyx's suggestion about teaching her to say no, or to ask the kid to stop pushing/hitting/grabbing toys/insert undesirable behaviour here is a good one, combined with turning to you, your partner or her friend's mum for help. She's still very little to deal with this totally on her own, and this kid is much older and bigger than her so you're definitely ok keeping watch and stepping in when necessary - I would too.
It will get easier for the little ones to stand up to rough play and bullying as they get older, but is it possible to get the older kids to help out by organising games for all the kids to play with a little structure - things like chasey or hide and seek etc?
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Hmmm this is a tough one...
At DS's CC they have been teaching them to say 'stop (with hand signal), I don't like it'. It sounds really simple, but it seems to be working when I see kids do it in the room. Obviously it takes awhile to sink in, but is a good start.
In you situation, I probably would be keeping a very close eye on what goes on. When he starts to do something that is overstepping the line I would go over to E and explain to her that she should say 'stop it, I don't like it'. You're almost killing two birds with one stone - you'll be empowering E to learn how to deal with this sort of stuff, but at the same time you will be intervening in a way that isn't telling the other child off iykwim.
Mind you, I think when the other child is so much older and has the bully traits you are talking about, you'll always have to keep a close eye on things... Even when E gets the hang of standing up for herself, there is nothing to say the other child is going to respect it.
HTH
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To be honest, I am more confrontational when something is hurting or upsetting my boys that I don't think they are equipped to handle. If they can or I think they should, I step back and just watch to monitor the situation.
Anyway, next time, I would loudly announce that I will be watching my child outside because it is obvious that P is unable to play nicely with others. I would look at his parents and say would you like to join me or shall I discipline him if I believe it is warranted? (mention that you will not put your hand on him unless he is physically agressive to your DD). Put them on the spot so the focus is brought to their parenting skills by all the other adults. It will definitely make them uncomfortable but your DD is the priority.
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