I don't understand the his money/her money thing unless it is the small amount of "personal spending money" that each is allocated in a budget. For us, it's normally about $20 a week, which we can spend on our own personal treats like coffee with friends etc. without having to give an account. Honestly, all your stress could be solved with a budget and a joint account which funds the budget, and leaving separate accounts for your "splurge money" - however much it is you decide. Perhaps putting it in a language he might understand will help too.

For instance,

A marriage is a contract. Not any contract, but a business contract. For thousands of years marriage has functioned as a business relationship as well as an emotional one - actually more often than not it's been a business one more than emotional, it's only been the last century that the emotional side has been more highly regarded. Just like a business, people can't all be employed in the exact same role, doing the exact same things. Each roll is important and makes the business function effectively. And a family, just like a business, the money needs to be spent where the money needs to be spent to keep it running. In this case you have looked at your skill sets, circumstances and your personal KPI's and have taken on the role of SAHM. Sometimes other couples look at their circumstances, KPI's etc. and see that the woman can earn more so have a SAHD instead, others decide that both want or need to work because this is what is best to keep their business running.

Perhaps you can ask him why he expects only one revenue area (your family payments) to run the whole business? Things like dinner aren't one off expenses where the board needs to look at the budget, have a meeting about whether the money needs to be spent and where it needs to come from - these are everyday business running costs. Why hasn't management done their metrics and work out how much needs to be spent where and then provide the money where it's needed?