so many replies!!

Ok, my two cents:-

1. this is your and your DH's baby. your rules, your way, end of discussion. if you need a list, you use a list. if you think people may get offended, then you and your DH chat and decide which would be more upsetting/significant for you: not having things the way you want/need them to be, or possibly injuring relationships. and then you act accordingly.

2. I agree with the other opinions that your inner mumma-bear will get her growl on, once bubba has arrived, and you may surprise yourself I hope that's the case! because today's extended and badly positioned cuddles, or nicotined fingers in bubba's mouth might be minties and doritos being offered in a year, or inadequate pool supervision or inappropriate tv programs in two years ... I think you'll be a lot stronger and firmer once bubba is out

3. I love Tinks' idea about having a hospital gown on hand for any visiting smokers who may want a cuddle. That's a fabulous idea, which I may have to borrow, next time around

4. Could PZ or another friend/family member of yours be your appointed post-birth-b!#ch? who knows your rules, and ensures they're followed? Just an idea ...

5. you're doing a great job, you have time to figure this (and other things) out, and you're going to be fantastic.

and re your concerns about other people's comments, or not as many people possibly coming, etc, if you're half as fabulous IRL as you are on BB, then you're going to be smothered in love when the time comes. chin up, sweet!