Funny things you said in labour

[MantaRay]

*bump*

[~clover~]

OMG! PMSL!

With DD1 I fell pg at 17. Mum wasn't happy & I kept saying during labour - I can't do this, why didn't I listen to you?
I had gas & pethidine & I was seeing purple sparkly flowers! I passed out 3 times from sucking on the gas too hard & woke up yelling 'Ow, what's going on!' with the next contraction.
When I was in transition I made sure DH would get to cut the cord, then when the MW pulled the tray of tools over I stopped & looked at her horrified & said 'your not going to cut me are you??'
When she was born noone bothered to tell me she was a girl. We couldn't tell in the u/s. I had to ask! I thought it'd be a bit wierd lifting her leg up for a look!

With DD2 I nearly bit DH's thumb. He saw me & moved it away just as I got it to my mouth!
I swore alot this time - no drugs, & I was up over the end of the bed. When DD's head came out the MW asked DH to come have a look. I grabbed his hands & said 'don't f*cking move!!'
When she was born they just made sure she made it onto the bed safely & let me be the first to touch her.
The MW said 'Now sit down over your baby & pick her up'. I sat down & just looked at her. She didn't look like DD1, I wasn't expecting that.
The MW had to tell me to pick her up again coz I was just staring at her!

With DS I was watching the clock & worrying about DH missing the whole thing. I refused to have the baby without him there. I was saying to MIL wher is he? As if she'd know! she was with me! She did keep ringing him to check for me though bless her.
When in transition I MADE the MW get me the pethidine. I refused the gas as I hyperventilated on it too easily. She tried to make me have it, but I wasn't going there!
Anyway, she went to get the pethidine. She might've been gone 10 minutes & I kept saying Where is she...tell her to hurry up! I got my pethidine 10 minutes before he was born.
Then I started telling them to cut it out. Then when he was crowning I was yelling 'Just pull it out!!'
'Get it out of me!!'.
The MW said to me about 10 minutes after 'Now you'll start feeling a bit shaky coz the pethidine would be just starting to kick in. A bit late...But then she knew that!
Then I felt something on my chest & remembered why I was there. A baby!!! It was then I realised that I'd had my eyes closed for the whole hour & a half DH was there.

[minyma]

While in labour there were 2 Peadiatricians in the room 'waiting' for me to deliver. I told them they had time to go make popcorn if they wanted?! Very unnerving trying to push a baby out when people are standing aroung 'waiting'!!

[shorty]

Lol! I had the gas in the last hour(15hours) and it was the weirdest thing ive ever felt, its like you are in a tunnel, so when my sis in law or dp were talking to me it was like an echo. I remember DP was asking me if he could leave while he went to the toilet i think, and sis in law asked if it was ok and she said she would stay with me. I couldnt remember her name and all i could say was "Joel's mum".."joel's mum".

My sis in law told me when Logan's head was crowning DP goes "far out thats a big head!", lucky i didnt hear him lol.

[Snacks]

I also remember telling the anethetist "Ouch! That's my ****ing back!" (

ROFPMSL!!! You'd think after studying anatomy for a million years the anaesthetist would know it was your back, LOL.
And Megimoppit - classic about 'I bet you say that to everyone'.
LOL, this is great stuff. I don't think I said anything funny. I was too offended by the pain LOL.

[rhyb]

I did a couple weird/funny things...

* I went into labour on a Saturday, the last day of May and for some reason I REALLY wanted a May baby (don't ask why cz I just don't know lol) and I was due to be induced on the Monday and was adamant they were NOT inducing me, no way, no how. I was yelling at my partner 'See I like this baby already, it does what mummy wants'.

* I sat through the whole Saturday night movie (it was Starsky and Hutch btw) cz I knew I wouldn't have a tv in the birthing suite.

* I got into the bath at home and was there for ages, finally making dp call the hospital to see if I could come in (having being in labour for 6 hrs already) and while he was on the phone I said 'I feel like a whale' and was making whale noises and laughing (I was greeted at the hospital as 'whale lady' lol)

* When we were admitted there was another lady giving birth down the hall I was laughing at the noises she was making and saying I thought she sounded like a tiger.

* I refused to believe I was in labour and wouldnt believe until I had my internal. I got so excited, then I sh@t myself and tried to leave. lol

* I had wanted a girl and was a little dissappointed at first I was having a boy that the whole labour I was saying 'It's not too late, you can still be a little girl'.

* I kept apologising cz I swore twice, even though I swear more than that in my day to day.

* I made dp come with me to the toilet cz I was afraid he'd change his mind and leave.

* I got mad at him watching Aiden crowning cz I didn't want him to see my downstairs like that.

I'm an odd kid clearly lol...

[Ben01]

Oh..
Just after DD was delivered she started crying (i assume most/all babies do)...
DP stoned off her face on gas starts to get hysterical .. "WHYYYYY is she crying????" ...

DP was also 8cm before having a peth/morph? injection, and it was the first and pretty much only time she swore through the whole labor. There may have been a couple more but none like when she got the injection.. quote:
"F$#@ F#$@ F#@#@$@!!!!!" .... You would think it hurt more than being in labor? I couldnt help but laugh when that came out.

[tan32]

With Emma my first I was alone in the hospital when my waters broke as i had been in for a week with high BP. I told them to phone my MUm and hubby, the midwife asked me if i was sure, i would still be a long time and it was 3 in the morning. I told her to ring my Mum NOW every minute i kept yelling at them to ring my MUm i didnt stop till hubby and MUm came in the door. My labour was 4 hours .

With Hamish i was in the shower at the hospital and all had left to have breaks etc, hubby was just outside the room updating family, when Hamish stated to crown, i yelled out DOES ANYONE WORK HERE, lol and help me oh please help me. I had a 40 minute labour

With Lachlan i was in the shower again, i turned it off , it annoyed me and i told everyone that it did so, Mum arrived when i was getting out, she looked at hubby and said another quick one, he said yep. The midwife looked at them and said how fast was the last, when we said 40 minutes she bolted out the room. LOL they were not ready for me to have a baby.
The dr came in and asked me to get on the bed, i looked at her and said your kidding.
during transition the midwife said to me , baby is coming. I said back I think i know. My MUm laughed, i also said to mum an hubby why did i choose the natural side i should have gone to the side with the drugs. LOL i had a 55 minute labour.

[Daydream Believer]

DF found it amusing that I didnt swear, nd that I stopped mid screams to say please & thank you

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Oh..
Just after DD was delivered she started crying (i assume most/all babies do)...
DP stoned off her face on gas starts to get hysterical .. "WHYYYYY is she crying????" ...

DP was also 8cm before having a peth/morph? injection, and it was the first and pretty much only time she swore through the whole labor. There may have been a couple more but none like when she got the injection.. quote:
"F$#@ F#$@ F#@#@$@!!!!!" .... You would think it hurt more than being in labor? I couldnt help but laugh when that came out.

I'll have you know injections hurt! Although I had mine in my back, DURING a contraction - I whaled like a freaking banshee!

At some stage I turned around to my mum and said "Why didn't you tell me it was going to be this bad!!". I also through the gas mask across the room when she kept offering it to me. Next time I'll be informing her of my birth plan in case she does end up there.

I was cautious not to swear because my grandma was there and I didn't want to swear in front of her. I would also scream between contractions and tell anyone that spoke to me to shut the hell up, but like Sal would say please and thankyou, or apologise profusely every time I burped!

[sassy123]

well i had a few funny things while using the gas.
when i first started using it everytime someone looked at me i would laugh and hide under the pillow.
DH had a jumper that had a zipper go across the middle of it and i thought it was a mouth talkin to me.
I kept making horse noises.
when the midwives changed shifts the new one turned the gas down lower then wat i first started out with so when she walked away i told DH to turn it back up she popped her head around the corner and told me that he cant do that. when i thought she left again i was told him to turn it up again when she leaves the room. then i hear a i am still in here so i reply with no ur not lol.
also when the midwife told me it would be a hr b4 they would check me to see if i could have a epi i started yelling really really loud. it only took them about 10min till they checked me and i was aloud the epi lol.

[myson]

This stuff is classic GOLD!!!!

With DD1 I was sucking on gas having a HUGE episiotomy stitched. I told the Doc he can just keep on going and stitch the whole thing up, cos there is NO WAY a single thing is going in or coming out of there EVER AGAIN!!!!

And then with DD2 I had a very quick labour. DH missed it. At one stage the MW asked me if I would like to just breathe through a few contractions and give him a bit more time to get there. I said "HELL NO! he's seen it all before, lets get it over with!"

[Sequoia]

DF found it amusing that I didnt swear, nd that I stopped mid screams to say please & thank you

OMG! Me too! I do occasionally swear IRL, and during the pushing stage I was saying things like "Ouch, that hurts!".

Plus, I said bottom, not bum, because I didn't want my OB to think I had a potty mouth!

[kungfubecca]

I've said it before and I'll say it again, this is my favorite all time thread!

I was like some of you, I thought I would swear like a banshee, but whe ds was crwoning all i could muster was an owe owe owe owe.

[~clover~]

I didn't swear at all with DD1.

I remember with DD1 a MW stuck her head in at the end of a push when the contraction wasn't quite over & I screamed out 'Oooh fuuuuuuuu*!!!'
She said is everything OK? I was thinking I'm giving birth you twit! What do you expect??
That I say calmly - Well thats a tad uncomfortable.

[youngmumof3]

i was saying to dp the whole time i didnt want to do it now im to tired and will come back tomorrow and have him i had been having contractions for 4 days at 25 mins apart

[~Kate~]

I had an emergency c/s and hardly went thru a proper labour at all but remember telling the dr that if he wanted to do a tummy tuck while he was there then go ahead.

I love this thread BTW, makes me jealous a bit

[2CheekyMonkeys]

as she was crowning i called out ' owwww my bum' and then 'ohhhhhh yyyeeeeaahhh' as she came gushin out.