Funny things you said in labour

[2CheekyMonkeys]

as she was crowning i called out ' owwww my bum' and then 'ohhhhhh yyyeeeeaahhh' as she came gushin out.

[Inanna]

This is the BEST bump MR

I haven't stopped laughing

I am another that always says "OMG IT"S a REAL baby!!!! mmmm

DS7 my DD13 was at his birth - she kept trying to give me a drink through a straw and sticking it up my nostril. I was in deep transition and just couldn't talk. I tried to but the words didnt come out right... Get this straw out! was all I could softly mutter. DH kept asking What? Finally I said get the *&*&ing straw out of my nose! DD13 (was 6 at the time) said Mum it's not okay to use those words....

DD4: I had been mucking around a bit much - enjoying my labour in the pool and had my kids in and out. I asked for the time and was told it was 10.15pm - I said WHAT???!!! I asked to be checked for dilatation - only 7 centimetres. I was devastated. I leaned over the side of the pool and looked into my SIL eyes (she has had no kids but been at 2 of my other births) and said I just have to do this don't I? She looked at me like I had 20 heads and said ... "Well yes Deb...."
Within the next couple of contractions I pushed with everything I had and I felt Evie slide out and felt that massive relief that you feel when that baby is born. I growled in that primal voice that only a woman that's just pushed out a baby uses... "She's out!" DH said, yes Sweety it won't be long now. The Midwife said "you're doing so well"... I said no she's out! The midwife bolted up and said "are you sure" and I said yes as I felt around in the dark (only candles!) for her. The torch light hit her beautiful body as I was bringing her up to take her first breath! Everyone cheered. It was really funny - and a story she loves to hear!

[Deltadawn]

After lasting as long as I could on just the gas, I finally gave in to the pethidene. I told DH that I was going to divorce him so I could marry the pethidene!

[*PinkLilly*]

The only things I remember saying while in labour were telling DH to shut up because he kept asking me if I wanted an epi (he says that he didn't ask very many times but obviously he asked 1 too many times for my liking).

The other funny thing, I was getting an epi (eventually asked for one) and my sister said "this is where I'm going to step out of the room" (she was never very good with needles). I was sucking pretty hard on the gas at that point but I managed to break away and call out "PUSSY!" to her retreating back lol.

[Ozstar]

LMAO this thread is hysterical, I am so glad its still going. I didnt end up saying much of anything let alone something funny when in labour with DS, maybe I will have a story to add after the birth of this next baby lol.

[Catastrophic]

This Thread is HILARIOUS~! Thank you girls!

I did the whole usual i'm never having kids again speech... told my step dad he can stick future grandchild up his *^*^* when he asked how i was going, i should point out my signature at this point and you'll see im 31weeks preg lol!... Just after Izzy was born the m/w told me she wanted another push i asked Why? (der the placenta hahaha)

Can't remember anything else will come back in a couple of weeks lol!

[lauren22]

I was my sisters hand to squeeze when she went into labour at 34 weeks.
She basically said
" Thank god this baby is prem or i wouldnt be able to s@#* it out"
then with her second she said
"GET ME MACCAS! I want a quarter pouder with connnnnnnnntracttttttttttttttttttion and a chocolate sundae"
it was very funny.

[Pinny-mum]

This thread is so funny!

During transition with my DS I told the m/w that I was just so tired and that I just needed to rest and go to sleep, she said she could offer me some pethidine, ( they didn't really believe i was in labour at that point), I said no I don't think you understand I don't need pethidine I actually needed a general anesthetic. BTW I had DS 20 mins later!

While I was pushing, I said F#@K twice and then apologised quickly saying " Sorry i know I sound like trash".

[Inertia]

Just after Izzy was born the m/w told me she wanted another push i asked Why? (der the placenta hahaha)

LMAO! I remember with Angie (the one where I was high on gas) the Middie said "Now we have to get the placenta out" and I was like "WTF? Its not over yet????" I also remember asking if it was going to hurt as much! Ah to be young and naive again... How else did I think I was going to "disown" the cord hanging out of my whooha!

[Santosha]

hehehee great thread.

This is not me being funny but my midwife.

I had completely lost it and had been telling my husband and my midwife that I wanted to to skip gas and anything else they had to offer and go straight to the C/S. My midwife kept gently, calmly saying 'no, hun, that's not what you want'. When I kept pleading she eventually said firmly 'Look. You really don't want me to give you a cesearean. I've got no surgical training and I'd just make a terrible mess. I'm not that good with blood either and I might just pass-out or spew!'. I was so out of it, I barely registered that she was joking. I just thought she was being really difficult. DH laughed though!

Later, when the doc came in and said he wanted to examine me, I said 'watch out, I'll tell my baby to bite you'. He didn't get it at all and just said, 'if she can bite me, she's in a really bad position'. Dumb*ss!!

[Marlene]

This is the funniest thread I have ever read!!! All 7 pages, LOL.

I can't really remember much about my first three, lol, but with my last I just kept saying "I can't do this anymore, I want to go home" and "how much longer, how much longer"...I'm sure I said that a million times.

Near the end during every contraction I was just kept repeating "f**k, f**k, f***********k", and between contractions I would apologise the whole time for swearing and then start swearing again with the next contraction, LOL.

Every time the midwife told me to push I would try and push but I would also try and cross my legs, LOL. The midwife kept telling me "you can't cross your legs, the baby won't be able to get out" PMSL. (I think I was subconsciously trying to keep him in there cos I wanted a May baby...I have no idea why, LOL). I ended up pushing him out with one midwife holding one leg and my other leg up over another midwives shoulder. (pushed him out in 9 minutes, thank god!!!)