Is it too much to ask.... (vent,sorry)

**beckoes** · December 14th, 2010, 02:13 PM

Is it too much to ask that my birth plan isnt laughed at by the midwife?

Is it too much to ask that people understand that birth isnt just about having a baby at the end of it?

Is it too much to ask that i might be listened too and talked to with some respect.

Is it too much to ask that i might actually have a labour and birth that i can look back on with a smile on my face rather than a tear in my eye.

I know that the most important thing is to have a presious and healthy baby in my arms at the end of it but i just want DH to understand that going into hospital doesnt mean that i have to have every needle and monitor they can find stuck in/on me. and that the midwives/docs ''just being precausious or preparing for the worst'' isnt what labour is about and that it is possible to give birth in a hospital and still be respected and listened to.

I had quite a bad bleed after DD and had to go to theatre so i understand his need and desire to have this baby in hospital but i just feel that all my rights are automatically taken away the second i walk through those doors....i know i will never have a homebirth and thats not what this is about. i wish i had another support person to come with us that 'got' child birth from my point of view.

**Arimeh** · December 14th, 2010, 02:27 PM

Can you get a Doula? Are you going to Nambour General?

**Sterla** · December 14th, 2010, 02:44 PM

No, none of that is too much to ask. I second what Mel said - maybe think about getting a doula.

**Jewel** · December 14th, 2010, 02:46 PM

Definately not to much to ask. Big hugs.

**HotI** · December 14th, 2010, 03:02 PM

Nup, not too much to ask. All things that should just happen, you shouldn't have to ask for them.

**CinderToriella** · December 14th, 2010, 03:09 PM

Can you get a Doula? I want one for any other babies i have, i explained to DF what they were and now that he understands he is al for one, he says it will allow him more time to just be with me instead of worrying about if they are doing what i want/dont want etc, coz a doula will be wit us

Nothing u said is to much to ask at all hun xx

**Bumperstump Cummerbund** · December 14th, 2010, 03:12 PM

Can you get your DH to read some articles on traumatic birth and Birth Rape? I mentioned a few months back to my Dad about wanting a homebirth, and at first he laughed at me and said I should just give birth in a drain

Once I had explained to him about just SOME of the things 'professionals' do to birthing women, he was firmly in my corner. Maybe it would work for your husband as well?

Definitely agree with a doula as well - or even a close girlfriend that you know will support your choices. Isn't it ludicrous that women hafta bring backup to ensure they're not violated?!

**studentmum** · December 14th, 2010, 05:01 PM

Of course it shouldn't be too much to ask, but the general attitude of health professionals is that you are asking too much.

I agree to try for a doula (even if it is late notice, even if they are not the most perfect person for you) as long as they are experienced they are better than no-one.

Most of all hang in there, fighting for our rights is all we can do, demanding respect and good quality care is the only way to get it.

Shouldn't be this way but it is.

Take care,
Sarah

**Fleur** · December 14th, 2010, 05:14 PM

I was going to suggest the same as Keike... if a Doula isn't an option, do you have a friend who 'gets it'?

Best of luck

It's so not a nice thing to be having to worry about.

**onthefly** · December 14th, 2010, 06:14 PM

No, absolutely not!
Perhaps you can find someone else to support you

**Cassius2** · December 14th, 2010, 07:08 PM

you will need an independent midwife sweets xx

they are a birthing family's knight in shining armour. i would never enter a hospital without one from now on.

big

it totally sucks that you were made to feel like that.

**Kazbah** · December 14th, 2010, 10:31 PM

oh hun

I can't believe a midwife would laugh at your birth plan!!!! Our hospital has a template to download and complete and mine's been reviewed now by 3 midwives in our program. Each of them has commented on it and asked my reasons for certain decisions, and given me opinions of theirs which we've discussed.

I strongly recommend a book called "Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering" by Dr Sarah Buckley - who is actually a Brisbane GP. In this book she explains different birth options and looks at the impact of various interventions on the baby and mother. As a doctor, she has backed up her book with references to medical studies and other research. It's great to dispute the ignorant with.

**beckoes** · December 14th, 2010, 10:38 PM

thanks all, was feeling pretty lost earlier! id love to get a doula but we cant really afford it at the moment, might look into a student one or something, i think it would help as DH says he feels terrified being my only support person, and we have DD this time too...although i think we have a friend who is coming to help with her. Dont really have any close friends here that i would want in the birth with me or who im close enough too to even discus birth with.

Kasbah:Thanks so much for the book, i will get it ASAP and have a good read. DH just automatically thinks that every medical procedure is benificial and every doctor has MY best interests at heart, unfortunatley he cant see that this might not always be the case!

**HotI** · December 14th, 2010, 10:48 PM

"The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" is another book that looks at the evidence for and against many of the interventions that can occur during birth.