I'm really sad and at a loss here.

I really don't think I want my partner there. This is #3 and my last.
My relationship is crap, and I don't consider him to be my partner in any way anymore, yes we still live together, but thats not my choice.
Nik was crap at Mitchells birth, I had no support from him at all, and I don't forgive him for that even now.
My sister was there too, but (bless her socks) I found I was more focussed on her not being uncomfortable and I know she was scared and that didn't help he either.

I have a history of short labours, I'm not scared at all, quite looking forward to it actually. I will be at the FBS at the Angliss.
Can I labour alone? I don't really want to, I would like someone there for support, but I don't really have anyone I could ask. I can't afford a Doula (which is another reason I resent Nik so much). Actually I do have one friend that is a possiblility, but she is having a brain tumour cut out on Monday and I'm not sure how long her recovery will be. She is the warmest, understanding person I know and thats what I need.

Yes I have discussed this with Nik, he knows how crap he was last time and has promised to be better this time, but I just cannot trust him. He lets me down every day in every way and I know my worry will get in the way of the birth. I can't have negative feelings holding me back, and I can't forget the isolation I felt in a room full of people that were supposed to be helping me.

I want this birth to be a triumph - my last hurrah in the birth stories of my life, and I can't see how to do it, and I'm getting more and more upset.

this must sound so pathetic.