PZ- thank you..that was very nice to hear and it is exactly how I feel. I am not a doctor and obviously I can't do anything about it..but I still want to "mourn" the feeling. My first birth with DD1 was beautiful. Water broke at midnight and she came out after 5 pushes at 11:02am Minimal tearing. I loved that feeling of accomplishment I got afterwards and loved telling her labor story to anyone who would listen. I am certain when baby gets here all I will care about is being with her..but I do indeed have a right to mourn the losss of being able to birth vaginally again.

In regards to PND..about a year ago I had depression. It went on for 2 years and started from severe anxiety which started after the birth of my DD1. I went to therapy for a long time and can finally say I am in an amazing place and am no longer depressed. My fear is simply due to the fact that I do NOT want to go back and Im aware that my feelings towards this birth can make that happen.