You know when I had DD1 via emergency c/s and it was a horribly traumatic birth. I had so many people say that having a healthy baby was the most important thing, but everyone forgot to look at me and see how much I was suffering. I wanted a healthy baby of course, but I could not think of that during that time. I had to grieve the birth I dreamed of, and I had to do it in order to look past that birth and see my beautiful child. That I loved her unconditionally was a given, this had nothing to do with the love I felt for her. I get you, I understand what you are going through. When I had DD2 I had to grieve my first birth again in order to face my second. It was like reliving it. I think writing our your hurts and pain regarding birth with help you heal and move towards a birth you want.

I would also write a c/s birth plan. Including lighting once baby arrives, skin to skin, manipulation of baby whilst birthing... the OB can put pressure on the baby similar to going through the birth canal. If the OB will not do it, you can go to an osteopath or get one to come to hospital to help the baby. There are some awesome results you can get that way. I would research gentle c/s techniques. They are out there, and if you give your OB the information you find and the hospital staff, you may find a way to have an empowered c/s. Take the power back and be in control... xoxoxo