[I wasn't really sure where to put this... I thought about VBAC section but it's not specifically a VBAC question, because the distress/trauma I've dealt with centred on the labour rather than the c/s. The surgery itself, while not the outcome I wanted, was uncomplicated and unstressful. And some people VBAC and experience labour for the first time and that's not really relevant to what I'm asking... It was the actual labour that was distressing/disappointing... but I didn't want to put it in De-brief/Disappointment section because I do want a really open and possibly challenging discussion. But I wanted to add that it is important to me that opinions and advice etc. come from people who have been through it, or supported someone through it, because I'm wanting experience. Just putting that out there ]


I'm wanting to know about how people planned, how people experienced, labour after having a distressing/traumatic labour. Mine was mostly related to the length of labour and my partner and I being totally let down by hospital staff (we had midwives who seemed to be all talk during the pregnancy about how they would support us and the things they could do for us, help my partner help me, natural pain relief, tens, sterile water injections, but when I was in labour we got no support and didn't even see the staff other than the routine observations every 30 minutes and offering of pain relief drugs. I know they're busy, but we felt so let down when they led us to believe they had our back). As a result my partner found it really difficult to support me, I found it difficult to work through the contractions, got into a head space i couldn't get out of, which made it mroe difficult for my partner to support me... it was distressing for both of us, and we've each had our own things to deal with.

As a result, I feel a total lack of trust in the support we've been told we'll have, even from my mum and a friend who we have arranged as our birth support team. Not that I don't believe that they want to be there, but I'm scared that the time will come and they won't be there or available or have other committments etc. Same fear with a doula (although hiring a doula isn't an option for us, and neither is a homebirth). People say at least I know what labour is like but a lot of the time the knowing is what is causing the most anxiety! Because I know what happened last time. I feel confident in my ability to dilate, because I've done it once, I got to 10cm (ended up with some positioning issues), and I know without the epidural I will be able to position and push actively and work with my body. I think part of it is also that I know what I need this time, and instead of making me feel empowered to educate my 'birth team' and make sure they know, I just fear that a) they won't be there, or b) they won't be able to give me what I need.

Did you still hold a bit of fear going into labour? I'm worried that the fear of lack of support, lack of trust, not being able to get into the right headspace, might hold me back physically (and time-wise that's not something I can afford because it is a VBAC so I "am allowed" 8 hours from active labour (4cm-ish?) to 10cm and pushing), because I am a huge believer that emotional space impacts on labour, and I feel that this is something that held me back last time (and yes, the irony is not lost on me!). I don't actually fear labour or contractions, it's more of a fear that like last time, I'm not going to have the support that I *KNOW* I need, the people around me won't give me what I want/need, and will be so overwhelmed and lose control over my ability to be calm.


Hmm well actually I just had a bit of an epiphany writing that. And it's a bit all over the place.
But anyway, hopefully the people who can help will be able to make sense of it, and I would love to hear how you moved past the fear.