Labouring again after distressing/traumatic labour
[I wasn't really sure where to put this... I thought about VBAC section but it's not specifically a VBAC question, because the distress/trauma I've dealt with centred on the labour rather than the c/s. The surgery itself, while not the outcome I wanted, was uncomplicated and unstressful. And some people VBAC and experience labour for the first time and that's not really relevant to what I'm asking... It was the actual labour that was distressing/disappointing... but I didn't want to put it in De-brief/Disappointment section because I do want a really open and possibly challenging discussion. But I wanted to add that it is important to me that opinions and advice etc. come from people who have been through it, or supported someone through it, because I'm wanting experience. Just putting that out there ]
I'm wanting to know about how people planned, how people experienced, labour after having a distressing/traumatic labour. Mine was mostly related to the length of labour and my partner and I being totally let down by hospital staff (we had midwives who seemed to be all talk during the pregnancy about how they would support us and the things they could do for us, help my partner help me, natural pain relief, tens, sterile water injections, but when I was in labour we got no support and didn't even see the staff other than the routine observations every 30 minutes and offering of pain relief drugs. I know they're busy, but we felt so let down when they led us to believe they had our back). As a result my partner found it really difficult to support me, I found it difficult to work through the contractions, got into a head space i couldn't get out of, which made it mroe difficult for my partner to support me... it was distressing for both of us, and we've each had our own things to deal with.
As a result, I feel a total lack of trust in the support we've been told we'll have, even from my mum and a friend who we have arranged as our birth support team. Not that I don't believe that they want to be there, but I'm scared that the time will come and they won't be there or available or have other committments etc. Same fear with a doula (although hiring a doula isn't an option for us, and neither is a homebirth). People say at least I know what labour is like but a lot of the time the knowing is what is causing the most anxiety! Because I know what happened last time. I feel confident in my ability to dilate, because I've done it once, I got to 10cm (ended up with some positioning issues), and I know without the epidural I will be able to position and push actively and work with my body. I think part of it is also that I know what I need this time, and instead of making me feel empowered to educate my 'birth team' and make sure they know, I just fear that a) they won't be there, or b) they won't be able to give me what I need.
Did you still hold a bit of fear going into labour? I'm worried that the fear of lack of support, lack of trust, not being able to get into the right headspace, might hold me back physically (and time-wise that's not something I can afford because it is a VBAC so I "am allowed" 8 hours from active labour (4cm-ish?) to 10cm and pushing), because I am a huge believer that emotional space impacts on labour, and I feel that this is something that held me back last time (and yes, the irony is not lost on me!). I don't actually fear labour or contractions, it's more of a fear that like last time, I'm not going to have the support that I *KNOW* I need, the people around me won't give me what I want/need, and will be so overwhelmed and lose control over my ability to be calm.
Hmm well actually I just had a bit of an epiphany writing that. And it's a bit all over the place.
But anyway, hopefully the people who can help will be able to make sense of it, and I would love to hear how you moved past the fear.
I'm so sorry you felt let down during your labour. It's common to have undealt with emotions from your first labour affect your second so please don't think you are alone in this. My first suggestion would be to consider something like calmbirthing. Not only does this programme help you get into the right headspace for birth but it allows you to focus on your last birth and deal with those emotions so they don't hinder you when your next baby is being born.
My next suggestion would be to find someone who will support you. Many hospitals have an emotional health scheme, or one to one caseload midwifery for those who need it so speak to your hospital about this. If they don't offer such a thing then find a student midwife who will provide you with added support throughout the pregnancy and birth. You don't have to just pick a random student, if you contact Professor Cathy Turner who is the head of the school of nursing and midwifery at the university of Qld then I'm certain she will be able to pick an experienced student who can provide you with the support you need. By having the extra support you and your partner may both feel more positive going into this birth and this might help you set aside some of the negative emotions you are carrying from Jazz's birth.
i have a few thoughts/suggestions but im on my phone while feeding so i need to get on the pc to do it justice but i wanted to say that i found having a student midwife fantastic.
for me, i found talking things through during my pg gave me the time & opportunity to get my head into the right space. she was a great sounding board & source of information.
would you consider one? i know youve said no to hiring a doula - but im not sure if thats a cost related thing or just bevause it's a stranger ir something else?
I could have written this exact post! Are you going through Cab Hospital? They have a middie there you can speak to who is great for debriefing about first births. I have a SMW who is quite good, we've had lots of discussions via email outside of appointments, and she believes the best way to approach second labours after traumatic first labours is 1 on 1 care for the entire labour. I've spoken to her in depth about my birthing plan and I know she is an informed advocate for me the whole way through. Do you want her details? I'll be able to tell you in about 7 weeks how she went in practice . I realise your fear is that they might not be there or might not be the support you required, but perhaps the debriefing will help with that?
i found debriefing during pregnancy so beneficial. I couldn't do it all at once, over time my questions came up and i got answers, and i was kinda ready by the time baby was ready.
i also came to an understanding that while i had my support people lined up, it was really up to me, and so i had to be ready whether they were there or not or helpful or not.
With DS1 i had a disappointing birth, in that it was not what i expected, i couldnt push him out because he had not descended, was posterior, had to use forceps, had a 3rd degree tear, almost an emergency c-section, passed a MASSIVE clot the following day, almost collapsed in the shower, etc etc. So when i became pregnant again, i agonized over another "natural" birth. Up until 38 weeks i had not decided what to do, but at that point i knew i couldnt do it, so DH and my OBS supported me in my decision for an elective C section. Best decision i ever made. DS2 was a dream for me, all the midwives would hang out in my room saying how releaxed it was, it was just great. Do what you think is best for you, no one will judge you for it, and there are no points for being a martyr. Bless. Xoxo.
I too am so worried about labour #2. Ds was born via emergency csection under GA. I missed his birth totally although laboured to pushing stage. I totally understand where you are coming from and wish you the very best x
Feeling let down by my mw was a massive impact on me not to mention the medical blunders that saw ds in nicu for 7 days at full term +6!!!! I have had many discussions with my ob regarding this and just hope things will be different.
The only thing that helped me was knowing that I was not going to be doing it the same way as first time round. I chose a completely different mode of care - it's all about the support you're getting. It's really important that you feel safe adn confident in the people caring for you - you aren't, from the sound of things, so addressing that is all I can suggest. That and staying in a space where you feel safe for as long as possible before heading to hospital.
My labour second time roudn was physically a lot harder, in truth, but so much better because I was cared for well. If I had a choice, I wouldn't want that labour again, either, because it bloody hurt, but I didn't have the additional distress and trauma of disrespect and the useless midwives (harsh maybe, but no one can help me if they don't know me).
I held fear going into it 2nd time, and my midwife helped me through this. You know what support you need. I hope you get it
I did LOADS of prep. It is something that i highly recommend after experiencing birth trauma as you so do not want to find yourself in labour (and inevitably vulnerable as every birthing woman is) being 'brought back' to that previous experience.
First off the bat, I guess is the need to realise that with this birth you WILL take a different road. It will be a new path, it will NOT be the same journey.
From there you then need to contemplate what kind of journey you want it to be, and how you can get there knowing now what you didnt know then (ie, hospital staff may have great intentions but these are not going to be necessarily your intentions. So how do you negotiate that? This is highly personal and dependent on what is in the best interests of you and your family. It seems that you are well on your way in that respect in that you have organised extra birth support people. The only thing that i can recommend from that perspective is that you ensure that those that enter your birth space are 100% aware of you and your DP want and have an understanding of what you definitely do not want.
This is the more 'practical' side of birth trauma.
The other side is negotiating the triggers and emotional stuff. If you have to birth in the same hospital, make sure that you really get yourself reacquainted with the space prior to labour. Go on the hospital tours and work through any triggers that might come up. If you have spoken to anyone professional previously, it may be a good time to book in and see them again to get them to help you through any possible emotional fall-out.
In my own personal case, I was unable to go back into a hospital setting (unless medically necessary) so opted to plan a homebirth and had an IM etc. But I also took other measures, including taking a Calmbirth course (with DH). this proved a valuable investment as the breathing techniques i learnt were used extensively to ward of panic attacks/anxiety that crept up during the pregnancy when doubt or fear came into my head-space. It is not for everyone, but i recommend looking into such deep breathing exercises that you and your DP can do together and share ITMS.
I also saw a naturopath and she made me up a great pre and post natal package that was designed to help boost my happy hormone place (gosh, those herbs taste gross lol!).
I spoke to my psychologist throughout the pregnancy (and then once postnatally).
It does take preparation, but boy oh boy is it worth it!! See it (the prep) as part of the journey towards getting your best birth, this helped me see it in a positive and empowering light.
I am somewhat terrified of my impending labour, but Ive really connected with my caregivers which is a huge relief.
My Ob also birthed her son 6 weeks ago, so will be 'fresh' so to speak.
A huge thing for me was writing a birth plan. It started out at 3 pages, its now 1 page total. I really feel that it has given me some control over the experience. There are non-negotiables for this labour (cannula, blood on standby, managed 3rd stage) but Ive pushed (and so far been supported) in intermittent monitoring, using the bath/tens machine, no time limits and if it comes to it, a maternally assisted caesarean, or at he very least, no screens so I can watch.
Ill let you know how I go, in the next 3-6 weeks
It's so hard when you're at your most vulnerable and then left to your own devices. We had the same experience with DS1's birth - the mw's came in for a bit to monitor and then left. I ended up with an emerg c/s after being in a horrible, induced labour. We did calmbirth classes which really helped - it's also really good for partners as well. If $ is an issue, you can look around to find somebody who is training and needs to run x number of sessions. My SIL did free calmbirth classes this way and the content material and manual are all the same. I also had a doula second time around and the support from having somebody that I'd met and trusted during my pregnancy was fantastic. She stayed with us the entire time I was trying my VBAC (under silly timeframes and being highly anxious), which was just as well, given I was assigned the ice maiden MW that morning.
If you're not keen on a doula, try a student who you can meet and develop a rapport with, before the birth. I think the main thing I needed was an advocate, who knew a bit about birth and the hospital system, who could provide me with emotional support etc. My DH was a bit reluctant to begin with, but boy we both appreciated her support for that birth and our most recent birth (I didn't get my VBAC with DS2, not for want of trying! and I got pre-eclampsia at 40 weeks with DD).
Also, it might be worth finding somebody who you can de-brief your traumatic birth with. Family and friends can be helpful, but I found you tend to get the line 'at least you and the baby were safe'...blah,blah,blah. Try the hospital where you had your baby and see if they provide a service or can refer you. Otherwise, see if your GP can refer you to somebody. I think you're right about emotional headspace affecting the way that you labour. I hope that you can get lots of support before this next birth and that you have a much better experience of being supported - as you deserve to be. Wishing you the best of luck this time around
Labouring again after distressing/traumatic labour
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