The only thing that helped me was knowing that I was not going to be doing it the same way as first time round. I chose a completely different mode of care - it's all about the support you're getting. It's really important that you feel safe adn confident in the people caring for you - you aren't, from the sound of things, so addressing that is all I can suggest. That and staying in a space where you feel safe for as long as possible before heading to hospital.

My labour second time roudn was physically a lot harder, in truth, but so much better because I was cared for well. If I had a choice, I wouldn't want that labour again, either, because it bloody hurt, but I didn't have the additional distress and trauma of disrespect and the useless midwives (harsh maybe, but no one can help me if they don't know me).

I held fear going into it 2nd time, and my midwife helped me through this. You know what support you need. I hope you get it