Ok - I am not sure if this thread belongs here, but I am not sure where else to put it.
I had my son first thing in the morning, meaning that I had little to no sleep the night before. It was quite an easy birth, and I had no complications in that department afterwards either. So the actual birth is not what I am worried about.
DH and I had a couple of hours with our little boy, then the tirade (sp) of visitors began. First my mum and MIL. (Which was fine - 2 people I could handle) but then for the next 4 or 5 hours it was just 1 person after another, after another. DH tried his best. He took DS out into the day room, so to give me a rest, but I was just so exhausted from everything I really didn't want to see anyone. my family and DH's family apparently then went out to dinner, and then all came back at 9pm, to say good. - Nice gesture I suppose, but I was overwhelmed. I had 11 people in my room, and I just wanted to go to sleep!
My family seemed to understand, and left, they also said that they wouldn't come back in as they understood I was tired, but DH's family has no idea. They came the following night also. Then when I went home, they would just come over any time they felt like. it would be nice if they came over to help, but they didn't. They would come over (Usually when DS had just gone to sleep, and I too was trying to get some rest) Wait till he woke up, have a play with him, then when he started to get cranky go home for me to deal with the baby.
Do you think that it is rude for me to deny family visitation when this baby is born? I just don't want to end up how I was last time, a mental wreck who ended up in a MBU. (although this was not the cause of it, it was a contributing factor - DH also broke his neck when DS was 4 weeks old and ended up in a traction brace for 3 months!!)
I also think DH's family will get pi$$ed, as I would really want my parents and 2 sisters there, but not really his family. is that rude and ungrateful?
As far as friends go, I am going to as DH to send out a SMS when the bub is born, with all the birth stats , and nicely saying "Please no visitors for now."
I dunno - i sorta feel rude for not wanting people to come, but I just didn't cope with it last time.
I totally get where you are coming from. We made a decision that we didn't want visitors until 24 hours after DS was born. Our Doula actually suggested it because it is such a special and important time for us to get to know our little man. Our family were great, totally understood and respected the decision.
I can understand some people getting upset if you allow your family and not DH's but really it is a decision for you.
Don't forget, you can also get the midwifes to let people know that you aren't up for visitors if people do show up unannounced.
aw hun sorry you had such a hard time last time.
Dont feel bad at all for not wanting certain people around after the birth - this is one time that it is totally ok to just think about yourself and your new baby! You are definately not rude, and if your DH's family get offended then dont worry, they will get over it.
Megie- Not selfish or rude at all. It is a really important time for you and your family.
We didn't tell friends about DD's birth until the next day so we could have some rest and bonding time. We told my family that day but asked them not to come in until the next day as we were all exhausted. Fortunately my IL's live a plane flight away so they weren't there for a day or two. They did however outstay their welcome once they were there. I didn't feel comfortable asking them to leave so i had a word to DH and he did. He just said something along the lines of "A is really tired, lets go and let them have a rest" Always better coming from their son than their DIL.
Another excellent thing at the hossy i went to was, that they would never have let 11 people into my room at 9pm. Having a word to the nurses can also be good, because then they become the baddies not you. If the nurses knew i was tired and people were hanging around, they would pop in and say, "ok, rest time, time for visitors to go." It was great.
It's all about you and your family, not the visitors, i think it is entirely reasonable to restrict visitors.
We too had endless amounts of visitors after Nina was born. But when Emily was born, they wanted us to all bond as a family, and for Nina to get used to having a baby sister, so every one kept their distance. It was great. Maybe just let them know them know that you want J to have some bonding time with you, hubby and the baby before visitors come. They shouldn't be offended with that.
we let everyone come and visit while we were in hospital, and than when we got home we had a 2wk ban from any visitors, if we wanted to see ppl than we went to go see them, however we didnt we stayed at home for the 2wks trying get use to everything and spent some quality time alone with our new bubba getting to know her!
we also took the phone off the hook when we didnt want calls!
Everyone was fine with that!
Oh I TOTALLY understand. DD came on Boxing Day, so we had oodles of relatives around for days!!!!
I also understand wanting your family around but not DH. Its a special time, and those first few days are fragile and intimate, and you only really want people there you can totally open up to. There is NO energy for visitors.
I know a couple who said no visitors for a week! While I couldn't do that, I think its fair to say no one for two or three days and then, only short visits.
Next time I think I will be more strict too...its SO hard to say no though isn't it?
You've been given great advice here already! Of course, you have to cope with the fallout too, grumpy inlaws who are feeling a bit thwarted. So if you can, I'd flag ahead of time that you really struggled with visitors last time and are going to be a bit more firm about things this time.
My dh and I have been dealing with this issue not so much with visitors in hospital but my inlaws wanting to come and stay with us when the baby is born. I just don't want to share that time with other people in the house. We're telling the inlaws tomorrow that after their visit tomorrow, we won't be having house guests come to stay until the baby is at least six weeks old.
dont feel bad- i would just ask teh midwives to ask them to go
we had nooooooooooo visitors other than MIL and FIL and my family. i didn't care who i p****d off. my family my rules!!
yeah they might get upset but you'lll be a better more relaxed person.
I think your DH needs to take charge with his family and say that he is doing the visitation roster and they must contact him first to get approval to visit and he will give them times and days. He can have a list of chores/errands etc to delegate to anyone who wants to visit at home ie. ok, you can come at 3pm on Friday and can you pick up a quiche for dinner on your way?
I also second the phone off the hook but also a note on the front doot or gate that says "Mother and Baby resting. Do Not Disturb". I got no interruptions when I put that one on our front door.
If I was in your position I would ask everyone to give you and DH the first 24hrs just you and bubs and then let ppl come to see you orr even ask them to wait until you are home and settled in!
Thanks everyone for your words of advice.
I was thinking of sending out an email to the fam soon, saying that we want the first 24 hours to ourselves, then if you come in the next day, please keep visits brief and before 6pm.
What do you think?
I think that is a great idea!
and your family should definatly understand!
popping out a baby is no easy feat - and with bub number 2 you are going to need all the rest you can get!!!!
You can also let the midwives know that you dont want to many visitors and you dont want them there for long also! they are usually pretty good with that!
I had a big massive influx of visitors one afternoon after i had just managed to get Bianca settled with the help of a couple of midvives and when they all arrived i didnt want to tell them they couldnt pick her up for a cuddle - so the midwife did it for me! she was great - she looked like the meanie not me! but it worked no one picked her up and all were very quiet and didnt stay long!
Let us know how u go with the email! but dont worry too much - all will be fine!
I don't want this to come across rude, so please don't take it the wrong way.
After having James last time, I was just exhausted having him in the morning, and then having visitor after visitor all day.
So this time around I am asking that we please don't have visitors for the first day (Except James of course!!)
Then when you do come in, if you can please keep visits fairly short and before 6pm in the evening. i was just way too tired last time, and i don't want to come home exhausted again.
Sorry to sound mean, but I am going to be selfish and think about myself!!!
A little bit nervous
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aw hun sorry you had such a hard time last time.
Having a word to the nurses can also be good, because then they become the baddies not you. 
If the nurses knew i was tired and people were hanging around, they would pop in and say, "ok, rest time, time for visitors to go." It was great.
but it worked no one picked her up and all were very quiet and didnt stay long!
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