Need confidence for my natural birth!

[stacey83]

Ive been doing much reading about labour and birth.
Being my second baby, my first birth was tough, i had no idea what to do (as i went into birth early at 34 weeks and wasnt prepared at all-i hadnt even read much on birth!)

So what i have learnt from my first birth experience that i dont want to happen this time:
1. Dont want to be told to lie flat on my back.- this blocks upto a third of your pelvic opening and your contractions are alot more painful when laying down.
2. i want an active birth- To use gravity to work with me. i want to move about and change postions frequently. I have practiced squatting and know this is a good position for birth, or all -fours if i find that better at the time.
3. I want to feel my own urge to bear down and push- rather then being told when to.

These are the 3 main things i didnt know with my first birth, and are completely natural to do in order to push the baby out, the way i put it and say to people is- Imagine laying down when your trying to push out a very large poo. - its impossible, you want to get up!squat and push when u get the urge, otherwise you will tire out!!!

So now to the point:

I know all this that i want, im just not 100% confident as im going to a public hospital and have no idea what midwife i'll get and what will happen on the day.

Im scared i will crumble and just listen to what they tell me!! But im so scared! This is mainly for the fear of tearing (i didnt with my first, but this baby is alot bigger!!)
I want to wait for the urge to push i dont want to be told, but im scared that may annoy them and i could take a long time then they may want to cut me and intervene, which i really dont want!and cos of that fear, i may distress the baby and make it all happen anyway even if i tell them NO!

Please help any adice will be good!!

[skeetaboat]

Can you make an appointment with a midwife to go through your concerns and have your wishes noted in your file? I think you'll probably find that they're quite willing to support active birth and it'll ease your mind.

Remember, you have every right to birth the way you want to and at the end of the day you're the one who has to live through the experience and live with it for the rest of your life - so don't let anyone bully you into pushing before you're ready or getting into a position you're not comfortable in. Public patient or otherwise, you have every right to birth how you feel comfortable, no matter whose time you're 'taking up'. Any care giver who tries to bully you does not have the right to be in your birthing space. No one can do anything to you unless you consent to it, so you have that on your side too. And no-one can force you to push either, if you don't feel ready to push, just don't push. If they become insistent, I would tell them to leave the room! (or get my support person to!). It's not like you're going to hold the baby in forever; when your body is ready, baby will come!

With regards to tearing, you're *more* likely to tear if you push before you feel the urge and follow their directions, so that's a very good reason to not crumble that you can file in the back of your mind :-)

Who is your support person? Do they know how you want to birth? Have you voiced these fears to them? Will they be willing to argue for you if need be?

[fourthontheway]

It's hard to refuse the pressure of the hospital staff, but you can do it if you remember that YOU are in charge, not them. Make sure your partner is really clued in on the birth plan you have and what the staff are likely to do.

One way to get a good birth is to hire a doula. If you can't afford one, a college of doulas may provide you with a free student doula to attend your birth and support you. Women who birth with doulas have much better outcomes

[~Trish~]

Have you written a birth plan? You should definitely do this and discuss it with a midwife next time you have an appointment. Most of them are pretty good at following your wishes.

I'd also recommend staying home as long as possible (if you feel comfortable of course!), I always felt much more relaxed in my own environment and it helped with my labours.

I'm sure you will have a great experience this time around - 2nd labours tend to be much easier and you know what to expect which helps.

Best of luck

BTW - I love your DS's name - it was top of our list if our DD was a boy

[Pinny-mum]

Have faith in your natural abiltiy to birth, your body will be able to do what you wish for...my 2nd birth was fantastic and I just followed what my body was telling me to do, I didn't even consider anyone else,

I also read 100's of positive calming birth stories which I think help me prepare for the birth I wanted.....

Good Luck!!!

[SamiH]

My advice - is be confident. #3 I laboured at home as long as I could - by the time I got to the hospital they wouldnt have been able to tell me to do anything I wasnt comfortable with LOL. I had a beautiful standing/squat birth with him, I also had a doula and my hubby was well on board with what I wanted.

Is your hubby or birth partner etc on the same page as you??? - I think that is where you need to confirm your support first - and then talk to the midwives. They will probably run through it and say tick, tick, tick we do all that - be firm about your wishes without being rude.

[stacey83]

Thanks for the quick replies!

Im in the process of writing a birth plan, ive looked up some on here to get ideas on how to word things..as my way of puttting it seemed bossy and rude!

I have my sister coming in with me in the birth. She knows what i want to do so hopefully she can be my voice without seeming rude too!

My partner knows roughly what i want. But unfortunately he is very much like "listen to the professionals" we dont have the strongest relationship (but thats a whole other story!)

So im glad im having my sister with me. And will have my birth plan written up asap to have with me too!!

[staceyp]

hi stac, you wouldnt believe this but my name is stacey too and i went into labour with my 1st DS at 34 weeks also... ;P

we had a natural birth and it was lovely! i had no drugs and was completely al there (although a little tired lol) when he was born and i was up walking round an hour later.
my labour went for about 5-6 hours and it was amazing to feel when he was ready to be born.

your body actually feels the pain for a reaason, so what you have to do it turn everything thts negative into a positive. i believe it is defiantely a mind over matter sort of thing...
so when you feel the pains he/she is letting you know where he/she is (as if you didnt know lol) i listened to calming music (the fisher price celtic lullabies was excellent..the best $14.95 i ever spent i reckokn lol) and i had lavender burning in my oil burner (which my hospital supplied) my in laws just laughed at me when id suggested that was what i was going to do and they blatantly scoffed at me and put me down for it..well, i sure showed them didnt i
i also had a bottle of peppermint oil beside the bed, it is fantastic for when you go through the 'sickness stage' i think its called the transitional stage or something...
my sickenss stayed abated once i sniffed a little peppermint oil in a tissue...

i had my midwife massage my back while i leant over the bed, sitting on a big excercise ball..i walked around for as long as i could manage and once i knew he was ready to come out (i ended up yelling at the nurses cos they didnt believe me that he was coming) after being told for the 5th time that i still had hours left befoire hed be here i demnded that they check how far dilated i was and they took their time let me tell you, anyway shed checked and yelled for the docs and nurses to come now becuase, funnily enough, i was 10cm dilated and she could feel his head!!! anyways, i gave birth (TMI i know lol) kneeling on my knees and leaning over the backboard of the bed holding DH hand..very tightly i might add...it works,,trust me..i didnt want to squeeze his hand and he made me,..poor guy probably wish he hadnt done that lol.
giving birth this way put less stress on your perenium and its natural, as its working with gravity (where lying on your back doesnt) i guess you just have to find what works for you the best.

i only ended up having 2 stiches and my DS scratched me as he came out because he had one hand up (flying out like superman we said lol)

once you've given birth you should have the first round of 'drugs/painkillers' that the docs offer you, its jsut sensbile it wont harm ur bubba and itll make u feel a lot better.

i think you have to relax and work with your body. if it says push then u need to lsiten to it (when people are in labour and have had heaps of drugs then they cant feel when their body is ready to push etc...)
that beign said, emergency c-sections etc are sometimes in order and theres no sense in arguing with the docs as its ur bubbas life at risk... at least you went in trying and thats what matters the most..

i dont know if this helped at all but if u wanna chat you can email me dis_is_stac@hotmail.com cheers and the best of luck!! hubby and i have been TTC baby #2 for over 12 months now... our thoughts are with you cheers X