Just try and remember those people thought they we doing their job, and it really has nothing to do with you, but their own anxieties that they tell you what they think. Water off a ducks back...you just have to place it back on them and move forward, because you know your decision is right for you.

As for the perineum, im sorry to hear you had a bad experience the first time around. A woman in my mg had a similar story, and had surgery the times to fix a terrible epi scar. She then went on to birth her son without drugs and he had a 39.5cm head!!!!!!

I second the idea of perineal massage to help you alleviate your fears and to soften the area.

Good luck.