thanks girls, just what i need to hear i hadnt thought of periniel massage, i'll have to look into it (if i can see/reach down there still!).
i have a birth plan and there is a copy in my file as well as my midwife has written notes just from talking to me.

DH should be fine to speak up for me but i dont feel like i can trust him to speak up in every situation and he is too reasonable for my liking!! in regards to the antibiotics he wants to reason with them about why we are not doing them rather than just saying no we arent having them, thanks. he also has such a different recollection of DS's birth which i think is why i am struggling to trust him completely to stand up for us. i cant have anyone else in there with me, i dont want my mum in there cos she is too confrontational and hates (fears) drs and hospitals in general, Obs specifically so i dont want that attitude there. my MIL is a midwife at the hosp so is a bit too happy to do whatever they recommend and i dont want her to be put in an awkward position IYKWIM. i have a student midwife but she more of an observer than anything else. i would have my sister but she was not much use at DSs birth and she cant be guaranteed to be here when i go into labour cos shes on the central coast.

i think i will have to make an additional appointment to sit down with my midwife and talk it out with her.