Pressure to have an epidural

[AliBaby]

This is more of a vent but thought it would be more appropriate here.

As my due date comes nearer, I have had numerous comments from friends, family even random people saying to make sure I have an epidural. Comments like "there is no prize for going through labour without one" etc. I feel cornered by these comments and find them hurtful but don't know how to deal with them when they come up.

I had a natural birth with DD and did not go round big noting myself about it. It only came up if people asked me lf I had an epidural the first time round to which I replied no.

TBH, a huge needle in my back freaks me out more than labour and i am more fearful of that then labour so an epidural is not on my to do list if I can help it. Not only that, I do want to aim for a natural labour if all goes well And i can achieve it. If I can't, then I will cross that bridge when i come to it but far out, in the mean time, oh my goodness, I wish people would just leave the topic alone. It really is none of their business how I labour and birth my baby.

Has anyone else encountered this?

[Chrispe]

Yup. And I considered one (I had petah done with my first labour).
Until I watched a few labour vids where they had an epi.
Being told by doctor or midwives when to push & not knowing/feeling what my body was doing decided it for me. Also my mum has scaring in her back from a epi placed incorrectly. So when people wanted to push their views I would tell them just how much back damage is possible.

[Jellyfish]

I had a bit of this. I just smiled and nodded and moved onto a different subject. I think sometimes people are just trying to validate their own experiences and so I don't really go into it if I don't need to.

The only people you really need on your side are the ones there on the day - your partner or birth support person/s, the health professionals. Neither time was an epidural even mentioned for me and that was where it counted.

I'm the same; the idea of a needle freaked me out way more than labour so it was an easy decision for me to not think of it as an option.

[Joeve]

Yes it goes like this ... "just have an epidural trust me..." etc etc. If I decide to have one then I will because I decide to not because some random person tells me too!
Just smile and nod.

[jellybean88]

Smile and nod lol

Bizzare though its not like your a first timer you think they wouldn't push it as much if you've already done it without one

I didn't want one because the idea of needle in my back gives me the willies

[Heaven]

Totally weird that people would say that especially when you've done it before!!

Just say 'actually there is a pretty big prize for doing it naturally, you wouldn't believe the feeling!'

[little_O]

Yes! "You don't have to be a hero about it"

I'm the same, needles scare the bejeeberz out of me! I think I would have made my birth worse with one because I am petrified of needles and I wouldn't be able to move, and that's all I wanted to do in labour!

[jellybean88]

Dbl post

[helle]

Yep. I don't tell my birth story a lot because people get a bit narky? At the fact I have had drug free births. I was like you, the idea of a large needle in my back was a lot more scary than birth.
Don't listen. Do want you feel is right for you

[little_O]

Yep. I don't tell my birth story a lot because people get a bit narky? At the fact I have had drug free births. I was like you, the idea of a large needle in my back was a lot more scary than birth.
Don't listen. Do want you feel is right for you

Why is this?? I get it too. It's like if you've had a positive birth you're lying and only all the horror stories are true.

[AndiE]

Another drug-free natural birther here too. Like others have said, just smile sweetly and nod. And in your head think to yourself "blah blah blah, I'll do it MY way thank you". I mainly got the "epidurals are there for a reason" line before DS1. When anyone found out I was planning a drug-free birth most laughed as an initial reaction. I didn't let it bother me. I knew what I was planning and I had it all straight in my head. That was all that counted Try not to let the comments of others affect you. If YOU decide to go down the path of an epi, then it will be your decision based on what you know and what's happening at the time. Good luck.

[Cassius2]

I definitely had this with my first pregnancy! it was so demoralising and I felt that it left very little space for me to talk about my wishes for the birth as I didnt want those that had 'gone before me' to roll their eyes or give me the Big Phat "i told you so" scenario if it did end up being that way ITMS.

Thankfully, I was able to cut everyone off at the pass the second time around when i told people that I was having a homebirth. they were all too shocked and horrified to speak actually

[LionsandBears]

My reply to those comments was always either to just change the topic, or exclaim, "Hell no! The idea of a needle anywhere near my spine terrifies me. I'll find other options, thanks".

I found TENS to be an awesome alternative.

[mummajj]

I had my 2nd natural drug free birth 3 weeks ago! I wouldn't trade the amazing feeling u get giving birth naturally for anything. It is kind of a prize
So I agree, just smile and nod lol

[jellybean88]

Lions and bears I loved my tens it was the bomb I recommend it to everyone ill def be using it again

[Babyluv]

I got this a lot before my first. When I told ppl I didn't want drugs they would laugh and say talk to me after the birth. I always try to make educated decisions and for me the pros of not having one far outweighed having one. I was more terrified if a needle in my spine than labour and I was also worried that one intervention usually leads to another and another. I have loved birthing both of my babies naturally and wouldn't swap it for anything.

[AngelPants]

Bloody hell no way would I be letting a needle that size near me, let alone near my spine!!! My midwife laughed at me cos I was way freaked out and upset by the oxytocin injection and needed g&a for the local for stitching but the actual labour I was fine!

[Julie Doula]

We have a profit-based system that is anti-woman and anti-normal physiological birth, breeding widespread fear of childbirth because so many people are conditioned to accept that obstetric intervention and management is instrinsic and have no concept of birth outside of obstetric norms. So many people think epidural/caesarean is the only way they can dodge birth trauma. They don't want you to suffer and they know of no other way to avoid suffering than the epidural.

But the epi itself is traumatic (needle in the back, serious risks) and it often leads to further intervention (baby's heartrate dips, mother loses gravity and mobility and can't push as well, ends up in stirrups, episiotomy, stitches, forceps and possibly c/s)

There's a few midwives trying very hard to help women have some semblence of the normal physiological birth that most women's bodies are capable of. But the system is against them too. I have often seem obstetricians authoritively over-riding what the midwife/s is trying to do, and seen the midwives look down at the floor in frustration and shame. It is extremely disempowering for midwives too.

You've had a normal birth before so you know you can do it! This time, you have set yourself up well for a straightforward birth after all the work you did last time. No WAY will you need an epi this time!

You could consider hiring a doula to be in your corner. Also consider staying home as long as possible (the doula could help you with that) and do most of the work of labour at home.

Another way you can create "space" to labour your way in the system, is go to the Waterbirth International website and download their form letter for applying to a hospital to be allowed to bring your own inflatable birth pool into the hospital. By the time they've run round in circles trying to process that request, and finding ways to fob you off, they're more likely to let you do your thing.

As for well meaning advisers, you could answer them the one of my very first clients answered them: "But I *want* the pain. I want the experience! I want the work! I want to do it myself. I want to feel it. I want all the hormones. Wouldn't miss it for worlds."

Imagine if we obstructed marathon runners and tried to offer them pain-numbers and told them, "You don't have to be a hero, you know!"