i tried so hard. Active laboured at home in the birthing pool and shower and around the house for 29 hours, this was back labour, supported by wonderful midwives. Then came the time dh had to call the ambulance. Then came the day of medical intervention in the labour ward (from 10am - 6pm) having stuff done to make natural labour possible (epidural and oxytocin - just what i DIDN"T want, all with people i had never met before,), but nothing worked - my body was stuck and baby was distressed - so at 6pm emergency c-section was done to us. When open, it became obvious to medical staff that the problem had been the muscles of my uterus spasming, constricting, so baby couldn't move, dilation couldn't happen, contractions couldn't be regular - everything going against me having a live birth.

Exact opposite of what i had planned and worked towards, tiny bilby was born in the stainless steel environment, breech c-section, forceps, not breathing - instead of the room i had decorated with candles, incense, rainbow coloured lanterns, bilbies, positive messages printed out, our home environment, lovely birthing pool.

i wanted that home birth so bad.
tiny bilby had been anterior, perfect position since 35 weeks
we were both very fit going into the end of pregnancy

I fought to feed her 2 hours after birth, from the guerney, wheeled into the nursery on my way to the labour ward, i got my wish, no formula in the nursery for her, as the midwife on duty in the nursery understood how desperately i wanted our skin on skin time and our first feed after birth to be as soon as possible. i was so scared that i would be too groggy to be able to do it, but the recovery nurse and the nursery midwife facilitated me to do it. I can never thank them enough.