I just want to say I know what you are going through and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately for me though I had no idea I had issues with my birth until Paris was about 6 months old. Right now I know the place you are at is hard, and its still fresh and you are still angry. You need to go through that. No one is ever deluded sometimes with all the best intentions birth doesn't go the way we would like it to and thats when we need to let go of the blame. Talk Talk Talk. And write it all down, no matter how angry you are or how silly you feel in saying it. Get out there and get amongst others who are grieving after their births. Its easier to relate and share amongst those who really understand. It does get easier and I can look back at my daughters birth now and instead of seeing red, and feeling ripped off I am now overjoyed. This was my baby girls birth, it was special to us, she was my first and her birth was unique and I will never forget it. Its hard to see the good things now, and when someone tells you to look at the positives you want to choke them or scream at them LOL but one day you will and thats ok and in the mean time if you need to grieve you do it. Just know you don't have to go through that alone.

You did an amazing job. You ARE a birthing goddess, and your beautiful baby is safe and in your arms. And she is truly blessed that you gave up your dreams and your hopes for the birth you wanted for her life instead and that is true motherhood, you sacrificed for her. Be proud of that. That is true love.

If you ever want an ear or or a shoulder I am here. As I said please don't go through this alone.

*hugs*
Cailin