Hi again. I had a long and traumatic labour with my first DD. You can read about it here.

I was so dissociated and numb for a long time after the birth, and believed myself to be a really bad mother. I finally started remembering the birth (I had blacked out chunks of it) and processing the pain when my DD was nearly a year old. For a long time I avoided getting pregnant again, because I just couldn't face the thought of going there again (even after I had debriefed). A good friend very gently suggested to me that I could successfully birth my baby via a planned CS and after talking it through with my dr, that was my 'safety net' for falling pregnant again.

So, 9 years later, I was finally 'ready'. After falling pregnant, I requested a C/Section via the public hospital. I fell apart at the booking interview at the hospital, because the midwife was asking detailed questions about the circumstances around my first birth. She was HORRIFIED at the details of how the first labour was managed, and arranged for me to see the consultant obstetrician who she thought would be most sympathetic to my request. He was happy to approve it, but I had to tell the story in full to a second OB to get it approved.

From then on, the hospital was nothing but respectful and caring. I wrote a one-page birth plan, and at the top I noted that I'd had a traumatic experience and was hoping to heal that by having a respectful and caring birth environment this time. They put my birth plan at the very front of the folder so it was the first thing that the staff saw when they opened my notes. I kept it brief and focussed on the things that were most important to me: skin to skin contact in theatre, attempt to breast feed in theatre or in recovery if that was not possible, my baby to stay with me the whole time, even if that meant they needed to find an extra midwife to make it happen. I also wanted DH to stay with.

In the end, on the day, the staff were rushed off their feet, they had two lots of twins being born in other theatres, but I kept asking as nicely as I could. The darling theatre midwife chose to come up to recovery and stay with me until I had breastfeed DD2, even tho they were paging her to go back down to theatre LOL. I cannot tell you the happy daze I was in, it lasted for about 5 days afterwards. I even asked the anaesthetist if they'd put some happy drugs in my spinal LOL.

The actual physical experience was really good too. I had read a lot about CSs and knew that some women have unpleasant physical sensations/vomit/shake, but the anaesthetists knew how terrified I was and did a superb job of giving me probably the best spinal ever! In fact I had been in a lot of pain from SPD and it was the first time in months that I was completely pain-free. They were very reassuring and talked to me throughout the time in theatre. After my bub was born, I don't think I noticed anything. I had her on my chest and there she stayed and the whole world was suddenly right again.

Afterwards, I had patient-controlled analgesia, I found the first night afterwards to be fairly painful but I just kept clicking the button until I felt better. I would take all that pain again because it was far more bearable (and lasted a lot less time) than the labour pain. I was pretty itchy from the morphine but otherwise felt ok. My recovery afterwards was fairly slow, I developed a wound infection, but I was glowing with happiness so the visiting midwife didn't really take it seriously until a few days later...on the down side I had to go back into hospy for some IV antibiotics, and several more courses of ABs after that before it was finally completely better around the 10 week mark. They never did find any bacteria in the swabs they took, and over time I have come to believe that it was not an 'infection' caused by an external agent, but rather my body's way of processing out the last of the pain that I felt around the first birth and the guilt and pain I had around not being present to DD1 because of that trauma. It forced me to stay at home and be loved and nurtured and looked after, which did not happen after DD1's birth. It was part of the healing process.

For all of that, I was completely happy with the CS birth. The care and respect and calmness that my baby entered the world in meant that I was emotionally stable, grounded, present from her very first moments. The whole experience of motherhood was completely different this time. DD2's APGARs were soooo much better than DD1, and she is calmer and more grounded, and I think this is a result of her experience of entering the world. I cannot tell you how whole and healed I feel now.

I know CS is not right for everyone, especially women who have experienced it in an emergency situation or after a long labour. However, in my case it was exactly the empowered and healing birth that I needed it to be. At each stage of the way I asked for what I needed in clear terms and the people around me responded. I consider myself very lucky.

I suggest you grab a copy of the excellent book "Delivery by Appointment". It has a very balanced account of what you can expect - from the best to the worst experiences. Then you can decide what feels right for you. I wish you all the best for a safe and empowered birthing experience - whether that be by VB or by CS.