Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and advice. Sorry I have taken so long to reply. I haven't wanted to think about it. Everytime I think about it I just want to curl up in the corner and cry. I'm scared of both ways. I see my doctor on Monday, I'm going to ask her if there is anyone who does birth trauma counselling in our area. I do blame alot of the trauma on the hospital, I believe if the hospital had dealt with things differently, my ds birth would have been alot different. We can't afford a Doula, midwife or homebirth as dh has loss his job due to cutbacks. I feel terrible for dreading my daughters birth and thinking of my sons bith as a traumatic advent . I'm so sorry so many of you have had hard and traumatic births . Thank you for your support.