I was just talking about this today with a second time mum.
Labour - I thought that I was tough and if I was calm and relaxed it wouldn't hurt much. So when it hurt I didn't know what on earth to do. For this time I accept that it will hurt and is hard work and I'm preparing for that.
New baby - I was told that with breastfeeding when bub was finished she would pull off. It took me a few days to realise that it didn't work both ways. So pulling off didn't mean she was finished. Does that make sense? DD would pull off after 10min and I thought she was done. But she just needed a break and a burp. I eventually learned to put her back on the same breast and let her finish. I felt so bad that I had been starving her. She lost a fair bit of weight.
Labour - I was petrified going into labour, about the pain, how I was going to cope, etc. Next time I really want to deal with the pain more calmly. Another thing, next time I would like to push when I have the urge, not when the midwives tell me to.
After birth - I now know that breastfeeding can be a lot of hard work and it requires patience and perseverence, and yes, it does get easier with time (I hated people telling me that at the time, and I honestly couldn't imagine getting easier, but now I know it does...even if it takes 10 weeks!). I'm also prepared for how sore I might be "down there". I was really sore for months, it hurt to walk, to pee, to anything really. Oh yeah, and the baby blues...I didn't think it would happen to me, but I was a blubbering mess for weeks after the birth, hightened because of the breastfeeding issues and how sore I was I'm sure.
Labour....I wish i known it was ok to say NO to some things that MW told me to do....(doh) Id read all the book and thought i had a handle on it....I wish id known that no book can tell you what YOUR body is going to do and you have to just trust YOUR body to do the right thing.
Baby....Wish id known that a baby can feed every ten minutes (or so it seemed) and that my milk wouldnt come in for 5 days and that huge painful swollen boobs was normal and the 'amazing bonding experience' that BFing was ment to be wouldnt happen in the first few weeks!!
When people say 'just do what works for you' to really do that, if that means locking your self away for a week, feeding and sleeping in bed together, never putting baby down or off the boob...do that. And when hearing the 'youl make a rod for your back'....'youl spoil her'...shel learn how to manipulate you' comments, just turn your brain off and smile, while humming a tune!! Pointless advice!!!
Dont have any photos of my belly in the last few weeks. Wish i did!
labour - i wasn't prepared that with the first contraction i would be thinking 'i don't think i can do this'! of course, i could but i just wasn't prepared for how it would totally knock me off balance. i also learnt that despite doing lots of research into which position i would like to labour (i thought on a birthing ball) & not labour (lying on my back) that these things might be totally round the other way!
after birth - that having a long, hot shower would be what kept me sane. and that standing in the shower having a good cry was perfectly normal. i also agree with trillian on bfing. most of all, i wasn't prepared for feelings about my relationship with DP - i actually felt grief & like i'd lost something. it was just a change in our relationship but the strength of the feeling surprised me. i also wish i'd known just how overwhelmed i'd feel by it all - it settled down by about week 5 or 6 but the first two weeks were so intense!
I wish I knew that I had choices about birthing my child. I wish that I had realised that birthing is a natural process in most circumstances that doesn't need medical intervention to speed it up or get the baby out quickly.
I wish I was told that breastfeeding doesn't always come naturally. I wish that I was never told that my baby should be feed 3 hourly and put into a routine pronto!!! This simple bit of knowledge may have saved a lot of tears. I was never told about skin to skin contact or that babies need breast for comfort.
I wish that all my well meaning relos would have stayed away for at least a day so that we could bond with our baby in peace and quiet. It is a bit hard to establish feeding with 10 other adults in the room with you for the whole day
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