I was having a conversation tonight with my mum & two sisters about having a VBAC. The conversation was basically along the lines of my sisters asking all these questions & me explaining everything to them. My mum kept very quiet, she BTW had 4 c/s and neither of my sisters have kids. So my older sister has this thing about my not being able to give birth naturally, just like mum our pelvis' are too small (this is in her opinion). So I mentioned about how birth support is really important & I think that's what did me in.

I spoke to mum at that stage & was saying remember how everything was all fine (she was with me in the labour room) and then when the midwife left everything went downhill. She said yes & it was like all of a sudden a light switched on for her. She said the same thing happened with her first birth. She had this great midwife that was just like Sue (my midwife) and when she left everything started to go wrong. She said my labour was almost a mirror image of hers. I just felt so angry for her having thought that she was too small to deliver a baby for all these years when to me it clearly looks as though it was a support issue. I just can't believe that these things have been going on for at least 30 years. I asked mum few questions then - were you on your back? yes, were you encouraged to move at all? no. And she then mentioned how Sue kept reminding me to walk, although I don't remember that LOL! I am so annoyed that she wasn't given any information that would help her birth her baby naturally. Add to that the x-ray, yep x-ray not even an ultrasound, that she had had a few weeks earlier saying that her pelvis was too small. Arrrrrgh, just makes me so so mad.

Anyway my older sister starts asking about drugs etc assuming that "of course you'd have an epidural though" and I said I'd decide at the time whether I would or not. She tells me that she will definitely have one & I said that's fine, but I won't be making any decisions about that until the time. Then came the big one....

"Why is natural birth so important for you anyway?"

I'm not really sure how I responded, just said something like "it just is". But I thought about it afterwards & really it's not that important to me at all. The birth isn't important at all really as long as bub is happy & healthy. It's all about control. It's about being able to make the decisions for myself & for my baby. It's about not having a Dr tell me that I must do something just because they think it's right. It's about being able to say no I want to do things my way. If things don't go the way I want it's about being informed enough to be able to have a c/s my way as well.

My sister questioned me because I said if my Dr didn't agree with me that I would go elsewhere until I found someone that would be willing to help me achieve a VBAC & she said that it was dangerous to go against the Dr thinks. I asked what about what I think? And she just said oh so you're a doctor now No I don't think I need to be a Dr to make an informed decision about my next birth/s, I have researched and am continuing to research as much as possible & will do so until the day I go into labour. I won't do anything stupid to risk mine or my baby's life, but I won't just blindly go by what a Dr says, no matter how many babies s/he has delivered. How can I justify changing my plans because a Dr tried to predict the outcome of my pregnancy right from the start. How could any Dr know what will be happening with my body/baby nine months down the track. Well unless of course they are psychic

So in the my mum is quite happy for me to try & do it my way, of course as long as I don't do anything silly. My older sister, not so keen as she thinks I'm going to go against the Drs & do what I want regardless of the risk. My younger sister, well she said "slice & dice & get that baby outta there, who cares". So we'll see what happens.... Wonder what they will say if I do get my VBAC......