I have been pondering this a lot lately too, particularly as I found out some more information about my labour (which was long >24hrs, epidural towards end and resulted in a c-section, none of which I wanted).

I too had confidence that DH would support me and my decisions before my labour. I had stressed how I didn't want an epidural and was not comfortable with a c-section unless there was foetal distress. BUT he didn't know why and refused to read any of the literature. The only things he knew was what I had told him, and I don't think he really connected with the pregnancy at all. He said I went on about a lot of things he wasn't really interested in. Now, this doesn't sound like a loving supportive husband, but he really, really is. We tried the pink kit together, but he made fun of it and couldn't see the use of it all. This stuff just didn't interest him and the process of getting the baby here seemed trivial to him, as long as it got there (I have only just worked this out, as I am TTC#2 now).

He was very supportive during the first parts of the labour, walked with me, etc. But I think it all dragged on a bit long for him, especially when I found the pain of DD's head against my pelvis unbearable. I found that instead of him supporting me, I felt I wasn't getting the advice my brain that couldn't work all this out needed (partly midwives fault too). I vaguely remember him being involved with initiating the epidural discussion with the midwife. At the time I was happy to accept, I needed the break. But maybe I needed to be challenged that I could do this, and given some different positions to help?? As far as I currently know, noone was aware that DD was posterior until during the c-section (getting my records from hospital now to confirm this).

Now DH admitted to me recently that he brought up the c-section option when after 2 hours of pushing there was no progress. To him, I think he thought he was hleping me out. He really didn't know when he told me how angry this would make me feel. I currently feel very undermined and don't know where I stand with him. He is such a great partner and father, this doesn't change that, but it does make me question his value at the birth.

To be honest I had questioned this before labour, but was more concerned about him being queasy, and he was a little unsure himself. I read up about whether you should have your partner at the birth and came to the conclusion that I really wanted him there and that he would provide more help than hindrance. I also thought it would be a real positive and he would be glad he had been through it all when the point came for the baby to arrive and he would see how this labour produced something so beautiful.

This time around (although we aren't pg yet) I have said that he would not need to be present for the labour (and in my mind I currently prefer him not to be, perhaps until the pushing part where he can see an alternative to the c-section we had last time). He has said he wants to be there, but we have a while to discuss. One thing that I am definitely going to do is have a doula there who understands me and why I would like the things I stipulate. I feel comfortable that this time I won't be undermined.

DH is so uninformed that he thinks I must have another c-section, although I have told him that I will be doing everything I can to avoid that. I was told straight after birth that there was no reason I couldn't have a vaginal birth next time, but because he hasn't checked it out, he thinks that they were just trying to be nice to me-???!!

Sorry for the really long post, I know a fair bit isn't relevant, but it is a topic I had been thinking of posting myself sometime soon, and it has all just come tumbling out.

I guess, don't think that my story wouldn't happen with your DH (as I did when I'd read others)- DH is very loving, etc., and very capable and intelligent if he had WANTED to look into these things, but in the end it wasn't something important to him, certainly not as important as it was to me!