Is your partner as well informed as you?

[Inanna]

You are heard Slyder my friend. I agree that women can be man bashers just as men can be misogynists...

I also hear you Ali - about the line... I actually am not sure you can have it both ways either. I couldn't agree to a c/section just because my partner wanted it for me or thought it were best. I would hope he would trust my wisdom & knowledge of my body...

When I say birth is womens business I don't mean it has to exclude men. Just that it is a rite of passage for women. Men can beautifully join with that as they support emotionally and spiritually a woman birthing their child... But ultimately it is the woman's body that is birthing so she needs to feel her decisions are honoured and heard.

[Rouge]

You are not hormonal Slyder. You are just as entitled to your POV as anyone else. Slyder if you want to chat to my DH about any of this he'd be happy to, as he was an awesome birth support person and he is a man

And Ali I don't think Slyder is being incorrigible at all. He has just as much right to disagree or agree or put his thoughts across as anyone else does.

[AliB]

And Ali I don't think Slyder is being incorrigible at all. He has just as much right to disagree or agree or put his thoughts across as anyone else does.

Sorry Rouge / Slyder - just to clarify - I thought the 'hormonal' comment from Slyder was a fun little elbow at the ladies, hence my 'incorrigible' interpretation of that comment. I was not offended, just amused, and as per my selective quote it was not intended to relate to anything else Slyder had to say. (Which I actually agreed with in my PP!)

[*TripleJ*]

well to answer th original post DH was not very well informed at all but i will say neither was i

but i did know a fair bit DH thought that an epidural was a good idea and after a massive fight we talked and he understood wat that meant for me and that probably wasnt a good idea

when i had the BH's he was acti g like an idiot yelling and just being plain silly but when it came to that actual birth he was awesome and calm as he never needed to say anything for me but i know that if he did he would have done a wonderful job hes now even open to having a homebirth next time we have a bubba

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Fairy nuff Slyder, I'll put my guns away, sorry for misunderstanding

I do agree that there can be gender bashing on both sides, at times I get uncomfortable around women who say that EVERYTHING that comes out of a mans mouth is sexist, I don't agree with that. I feel DH and I have a pretty equal relationship, and he says he feels listened to about our birth choices, so I think we're in a good place.

WRT the comments you're referring to, maybe you could quote them so they can be explained? I can't think of which ones you could be talking about, but that's the only way to keep the discussion going

[Persephone1]

:yeahthat:

I would like some clarity about which comments were about men and making them look stupid. I certainly hadn't intended for my DH to look stupid, because he's not - but in answer to the original question, my DH is not as informed about the birth as I am.

I would also say that I don't expect my DH to be as informed, or at least informed in the way I am, because he's not the one giving birth. He only needs to be informed enough to support me and to be involved, whereas I need to be informed enough to do the birthing. The same could be said of breastfeeding - I need to be informed (for my own piece of mind and my own understanding) so that I can try it and hope it works. My DH only needs to be informed enough to respect the process, my needs and baby's needs so that he can support me to do it. Does that make sense?

[slyder]

I've deliberately avoided quoting various comments and naming names, because as a former mod I know how quickly these things become hysterical and I wouldn't wish that on the current team.

It's not a big deal. The thread has now gone away from what Berenice was originally on about so I won't say anything further on that particular issue. Bygones.

[Fleur]

Hrmmm...

running late so have only skimmed the last few posts....

But I can see how my posts may have been considered patronsising or offensive Slyder? and if that is the case, I sincerely apologise. It certainly wasn't intended to be but I may have over-generalised a bit...my bad

[slyder]

Really, it's not a big deal. Whatever you do don't apologise! I'd rather you tell me to get stuffed - it's like when a woman cries, it's just not playing by the rules.

TBH without going back through the thread again I can't recall who said whatever I was highlighting. It's really not that important - mine is just one opinion.

Back to Berenice's thread!!

[Fleur]

Ok, have re-read the whole thread now.
Just to clarify - I in no way think my DH is a stupid doormat just not as engaged as some people, (be they male or female).
Not that he's not interested - he will happily discuss the ins & outs of labour & childbirth with anyone - but he was not as interested in the reading & learning that I was leading up to the birth. ITMS?

But somne men are not engaged in the process - they rock in otherways -

- like that
ETA - It was a great support emotionally to have him there during my labours & I would not have NOT had him there IYKWIM. But to answer the OP in short, no, I don't feel that he was as informed as me.

And as for who has the final say - it's one of those things where there is little room for compromise, at least when you get right down to it, for example will she have pain relief or not.
An understanding and respect for where your partner is coming from is important.. that goes without saying....I hate the thought of going into the delivery room at odds over birth preferences.
For me, I think it would come down to what the issue was though.
Yes, it's a woman's body but it is their baby.

Just wondering - it's a hypothetical & obviously you would hope it never happens. But if a woman & her partner are in disagreement during the labour & delivery room, who do the caregivers give the final say to?