Was in a really good state of mind at this stage. Contractions were becoming more and more intense but I was so determined to manage each one. I moaned a deep, long moan, taking a deep breath midway and then moaning again through each one. Walking as it begun and then standing leaning on something as it peaked. I kept visualising my body opening up and baby moving down and although each was becoming so intense as to almost overwhelm me, I was willing as I knew each was bringing me closer to my baby.

The midwife suggested that I get in the shower. The hot water was lovely and I found myself cranking the temp up really hot. I wanted the shower jet on both my back and my tummy but I needed both hands free to hold onto the wall or the chair so I couldn’t really direct it. Andrew was hovering around but he didn’t bring his shorts so he couldn’t come in and help me. I think I was in there for about 30 mins and then started to feel dizzy so I got out but remained naked. I think it was at this point where I started to have a lot of trouble regulating my temperature and would go from boiling hot to freezing cold over the course of a few minutes (hot during a contraction and shaking with cold in between).

I think the midwife checked baby’s heart rate with a Doppler and said that it was very high and that permanent monitoring would be required. It was only after she put this on and noted that baby’s heart rate had dropped again that she said ‘oh, the heart-rate does tend to go up when the mother gets hot from the shower’. This infuriated Andrew - he, like me wanted to avoid intervention. I was bracing myself for the next contraction and barely noticed.

Andrew was losing also confidence in this midwife because she was so apologetic and kept trying to justify why she had to tow the hospital line. She suggested that we call Felicity (our KYM program midwife that I had seen throughout the pregnancy) in as she would be better able to defend our position and fend off the doctors and obstetricians who were apparently outside the door and wanting to introduce other interventions.

Felicity arrived at 1:20am and both Andrew and I relaxed considerably. We felt comfortable with her, and knew that she would do everything to protect our baby, and to give us as natural a birth as possible. She was calm and confident and inspired these feelings in us... amazing woman.
Felicity felt my abdomen and said that baby was sitting very low. I could feel her wriggling around and all indications on the monitor were that she was fine. I was having contractions every 2 mins. Felicity did an examination and told me I was 5cm dilated. I was happy with this. I was making progress. I was having my baby!

Between here and about 5am I continued to work through each contraction, taking each one as it came. Spent quite a lot of the time kneeling on the floor, leaning over the fit-ball and rocking my hips from side-to side. I absolutely HAD to move through each contraction and much preferred to be leaning forward, but between them I needed to rest. For a while I tried lying on the bed and then turned and leaned over the raised back of the bed for each contraction. Some I hung off Andrew. Occasionally I ended up on the toilet for a contraction or two... something in the back of my mind would quietly note how weird it was that someone was holding my hand while I peed, but for the most part I was embracing just letting it all go and going with whatever I needed to do.
I found that if I let myself think about how long I had to go or the fact that there would be many more contractions, I would start to freak out, but if I just focussed on getting through each one, I managed ok. There were two voices in my head. One occasionally said ‘it’s too much’ but the stronger one said ‘I’m doing this. It’s ok’.

I continued to go from sweating and hot during each contraction, to so cold between them that I shook and needed warm blankets put on me. Contractions still seemed to vary in frequency and intensity, but I don’t know if this was reality or perception.

Some contractions seemed to last longer than others and there were times where my loud moans would start to turn to wails as the contraction peaked and peaked and peaked and I ran out of mental energy to cope, but as each subsided I gathered my strength and determination again. I was still so willing and quietly proud of myself. I felt powerful and amazing. I was overwhelmed and stunned by the pain and the force of each contraction… but willing. I felt I was opening up and making progress. I could see the confidence in Felicity’s face that I was doing really well and Andrew looked calm and encouraging and like he believed in me. After a while, as I started losing energy, I tried to focus in on feelings of love to relax me and get the oxytocin going. Through each contraction I started chanting ‘om mani padme hum’.