Note: This is my first sons birth story and he is now 7, i am just writing this out to maybe clear my mind a bit of that experience so this next one coming up isnt quiet as bad...

I was due 4th Jan and on the 2nd of Jan started having mild period type pains, rang hospital of course and they said thats nothing get some sleep, well i didnt listen and didnt sleep, i regret that still. Anyway i had pains into the next day, progressively getting more painful, then i had a show around 6pm i think, then we decided to go to the hospital, got there around 7pm and was coping ok still. The midwife asked me if i wanted anything for pain yet and i said i was fine, but shortly after they became more painful and she suggested gas, so i tried that but all i can say is i was off my face and in great pain!!
I then started to get out of control and dont remember one person saying a thing too me!! I was screaming and yelling by this point and they must of decided to give me an epidural, i was rolled on my side but when they rolled me baby's heartbeat dropped and they said it was too late for me to have epidural and rolled me back over. I was screaming at them that they were torturing me and actually climbing up the back of the bed and up the wall, they had to drag me back down and hold me down to keep me there, i dont remember anyone telling me to push at all, but i think they realised there was no way i would of listened by this point anyway!
I actually never got a sensation to push at all, my whole stomach just contracted over and over and over but no other feelings at all.
So i had people holding me down and holding my legs, i dont recall exactly but i think i ended up with at least 6 people in there. I told one midwife to shutup as she kept yelling at me and she told me to shutup! Not really over that. They then used the vacumm extraction on me and it is a pain i could never ever describe and i am sure the whole hospital heard me screaming. They also had to cut me but i dont remember if i felt that or not. Then finally he was out, they then put him on my chest and i just looked away as i didnt want a thing to do with it at all, i do have a pic of me with him on me though so maybe he was on there a bit longer than i remember.
I then fell straight to sleep for awhile and when i woke up hubby was feeding baby and the midwife wanted hubby to stay with me while i had a shower, and he said oh i was going to go as i am tired! Umm he was tired,
so i had to shower alone because he left!!
Then i got put in the ward with him and slept till morning, then the next night he was unsettled and i didnt know what was wrong with him, so the midwife comes in and takes him and says sometimes its best they are away from you? So if at home i wasnt sure someone was going to come and take him for the night were they?? The pathetic part is the cleaner the next day told me he was on the side of the bed under the air conditioning roof vent and he was cold, so i moved him to other side of bed and he was fine, why couldnt a midwife figure that one out instead of saying its best i wasnt with him. So i had had enough of been there with no advice or help so asked to go home, they let me out that afternoon and was the best thing i ever did.
Funnily enough now i am writing this out it doesnt seem as bad as it once felt so i am hoping thats a good thing. I have only been able to talk about it all with hubby and my mum who was there in the last few months and i think that has helped too, we just all pretended it didnt happen for years really.

Well anyway thanks for reading if you didnt fall asleep half way through

And please keep your fingers crossed for me that i will be back here in 6 wks or so with some lovely inspirational birth story this time around