Gen Y Embarrased to Breastfeed

[{sarah}]

My question is what is Gen Y??

I just googled it & got:
1) 1981 or later
2) 1977 - 1997
3) 1976 - 1985
4) 1980 - 1990

This article is referring to 18-29 year olds, so 1980-1992, I wonder if another article on Gen Y using a different definition would get a different result? Just thinking out loud...

[Jellyfish]

I feel more embarrased in front of people I know than in front of strangers -- especially my brother, dad and friends my age without children (I'm 21). I'm sure I wouldn't have known when solids were introduced or the first thing about breastfeeding unless I had to AND I DO feel embarrased in public but it doesn't stop me doing so. It is getting worse, not better, as she gets older (approaching 11months now) because a lot of people are pushing the whole "you can give that up soon", I just smile and nod with full intention of continuing but it does make me a bit uncomfortable to know that they aren't on the same page as me and might not support it.

[nelly]

I have to agree with the comments that it is what you are exposed to that tends to influence these decisions and how you feel. I luckily was not the first in my circle of friends to have babies and bf.

I BF DS till 11months and am still going with DD. Once you get established (and hopefully she is lucky and has a smooth path) bf is so easy and convenient - I really was dreading starting solids bcos suddenly I had to start carrying stuff around, and make an effort at mealtime! And I found when I reached that 6 month mark I was enjoying the special quiet moments and couldn't fathom all the sterilizing, the bottles and the expense of ff. Gosh with the second baby I couldn't even be bother expressing - it just seemed to hard lol.

TBH I get cranky when I see women making a big song and dance about covering themselves up bcos it just makes it look so hard. By the time they get themselves organised to start I have finished one side and moving onto the next. Don't get me wrong I understand that if you feel most comfortable that way it's your choice, but for me by the time I try to co-ordinate getting my breast out, baby on and cover over I don't have enough arms.... and I feel suffocated when I stick my head in not to mention how the baby feels.

And I am one who looks at other bf women, not to cop a perve but to have a look at bub and seriously it really is such a beatific picture ~ mum w bub at breast.

If Jellymaker isn't comfortable feeding in public, be it covered or not, most parents rooms have the little curtained cubicles that are good to use when you and bub are still figuring it all out.

[squishyandmum]

i'm Gen Y, and was just over 18 when squishy was born and TBH, after giving birth it really wasn't a big deal lol
i remember my dad was visiting in hospital and squish needed a feed and i sort of started to get embarassed but then though hey, my bub needs food, i'll feed him, so i fed infront of my dad and that was that! tits out whenever and wherever needed (including church lol)

but i do have Gen Y friends, with children, who still recoil with the thought of breastfeeding in public. that said, they are they people who didn't really 'think' about the experience of birth and feeding and parenting (if that makes sense) one did BF for 6 weeks, the other didn't at all.

but i think if you ask the 'average' Gen Y who has put no thought into babies then yeah you probably will get OMG boobs in PUBLIC! because it's no longer normal

[sunshine_sieben]

Me again!
Ok, I'm sort of on the border between gen x and gen y, being born in 79.
I grew up in Germany. i think the general attitude there is a little different from here. To me, it was never a question whether or not I BF. I thought that's what everybody does. It didn't occur to me that there was a choice to be made. I NEVER thought much about all the formula in the supermarkets, but I probably thought it was for the few women who either can't make milk or for when they are away from their babies (I had no idea about expressing). But honestly, i didn't give it much thought before I was ready to have kids.

When I first started BFing, I was a little uneasy about BFing in public. Not embarrassed. But I was concerned about embarrassing others. I had read about Australia's twisted attitude towards BFing and probbably thought about it a bit too much. I just couldn't do it discreetly as I was having attachment issues. I remember when DD was 3 or 4 days old, my MIL and my DH's grandmother (Nanna) came around when I had to feed DD. I thought Nanna might get offended. I remember asking my mum, who was staying with me, whether I should go to my bedroom to feed (at that time, it often took 1 hour). My mum just rolled her eyes and said: "Don't be silly. It's not like she's never seen boobs before. She's been there done that". So I did. Nanna didn't flinch.
Then, when DD was 4 weeks old, my dad came to stay with us for 3 weeks. I had no choice than to feed in front of him. I was not sure how he would react to his daughter's bare breasts. I was so relieved, when he just sat down next to me and started chatting away. He treated it as the most normal thing in the world, which it is, of course. He wouldn't have felt uncomfortable if I was giving DD a bottle, so why should he feel uncomfy about BFing.
My brother also stayed with me when DD was 3 months old and it didn't bother me. And he acted completely normal, too.
My family members have become so used to seeing me do it, that even the ones who felt a little weird about it in the beginning, have completely desensitised (especially my FIL and my Dh's grandfather).
If I am around people I don't know, I usually sit a little to the side, not right in their faces, so that they do not HAVE to look, if they don't want to. But I am always happy if someone comes and sits with me.

I love to see women BF. I think it is beautiful. And I am sure, when my Bfing journey is over (what a sad thought), I will delight in seeing the milky smiles of other babies. So I might be the freaky person gwaking - not at the boobs, but at the babies doing their most favourite thing in the world.
I often wish people would see what I see when I BF my children. Especially people who have not had kids yet. There is nothing more beautiful than when DS pulls off the boob and gives me a big toothless grin, before tucking in again. Or blowing me a kiss. if more people saw those moments, maybe they would better understand how far beyond nutrition this whole BFing thing goes.

[Smoke Jaguar]

I think that in our efforts to tell women that it's ok to breastfeed in public as long as they're discreet, we've made it embarrassing. If it's not embarrassing, why the need to be 'discreet'? Not only that, but by being 'discreet', aka HIDING BFing, younger people (and lots of older people who either never had kids or can't remember their children being little!) don't even know BFing is there, don't know that there's this great thing they can do when it's their turn, don't know that it's really normal, don't know that it can be a struggle to get it right, and just don't know when it's being done or not.
To me, when someone says it's "ok if it's discreet", they're really telling me they don't approve of people BFing in public. "It's ok if I don't know it's happening", is what I hear. It's suggesting that there are women who pop out a boob, leave it on display for a few minutes before attaching the child. How ridiculous a notion. Women get their boobs out to feed their children, not to display their nipples. Simple as that. If people see nipples then, guess what? That's what a boob is and what it does!
Plus, the irony for me is that blankets and those insipid BFing covers only draw attention to the fact that you're BFing and no-one actually notices when I just 'pull out a boob' to BF with no blanky in sight. That's ok if you're not embarrassed about people knowing you're BFing, but wasn't the point to be as unnoticeable as possible?? I don't get it.
Anyhoo, I really resent being told it's ok to BF in public as long as it's discreet. The more people BF in public, the more we'll all appreciate that boobs come in all varieties, not just the pumped up, 'classic' shape (which has GOT to be a minority in reality!!) that never strays beyond a D cup.
Do your wife a favour, and don't mention that BFing can be done discreetly

[Inanna]

MMM not so sure about the authenticity of this article. Sunshine Sieben I agree with so much of what you say. I have breastfed 5 babies, co fed, toddler/preschooler fed... Like SS there was never a "choice" to breastfeed it was just what I did. There was no other way for me. Though it was dang dang dang hard in the beginning with 2 of my babies & of course expressing for months after Immy was born without even putting her to the boobie!

I too think breast feeding shouldn't be hidden (for me),.. I took the opportunity to show just how normal and every day breastfeeding is. SS you are so correct - Aussies have a warped view of breastfeeding (generally societally I am referring to)... Breasts are seen as sexual organs - and they can be but they are there to comfort and nourish my baby & they got a great work out there...

I say bring it out of the closet - make it as natural and "normal" as it surely is... Don't hide it away as it is beautiful! Be proud of providing this for your baby!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I dunno Mayaness - I breastfeed discretely. But then I walk discretely, shop discretely, eat discretely... I just do it, without drawing attention to the fact I'm doing it. That makes it discrete. Breastfeeding just happened and I didn't make a song and dance out of it.

I do agree with many others that some of those awful breastfeeding covers look awful, make breastfeeding a "looky here!" objective and take longer to get going when your baby is hungry. Never liked them, never used them. Loose cardigans were good enough for me in the "oooh, what's going on there then?" days. But mostly because my breastmilk could squirt for yards when that happened, and I didn't want people getting that in their eyes!

And my breasts fed my baby. They're also sexual. But then my knees are sexual too, as is my neck and wrists and hips and back and brain and... pretty much the whole body. People don't object to seeing my neck in public so why object to anything else? It's just a body part!

[sunshine_sieben]

Spencee, I think you misunderstood the intention of our posts.
You posted an article that said that GenY is embarrassed about Bfing in public.
We said: we are GenY (although on the border), we don't feel embarrassed. That is a completely normal response to an article like that, in my opinion.

We posted to refute this questionable survey and also to let others know that there really is nothing to be embarrassed about. Not to say that you are silly for being embarrassed.

And it is true, the more often you hear that some people are embarrassed about BFing, the more likely you are to feel embarrassed, too. I am the prime example of that. As posted earlier, I had no idea that there was a reason to be embarrassed until I heard all those people talking about it and how to cover up. All of a sudden I had qualms about it, too. Fortunately not for long. And you know what, all the wonderful women on BB talking about how they BF in public have certainly helped me feel more "normal" about it.

So I posted my story not to pat myself on the back, but so that others can see it is possible to overcome the awkwardness and BF in public with confidence.

All those who have posted handy hints on maintaining modesty while letting nature do it's thing Big Thanks!!!!

And that is exactly what I mean, I don't make a big song and dance about covering up. But I do still feel that I am maintaining my modesty. Suggesting otherwise is a little offensive. Although I am sure that that's not what you meant to suggest.

[Roryrory]

I just find it bizzare that "Gen Y" women find it embarrasing to BF in public, but very few of the 20-somethings I see (and I see a lot because I work near uber-chic Chapel Street, South Yarra) seem to be embarrased about showing 99% of their legs (skirts so short they look like bandanas), their muffin tops (don't get me started LOL!), their camel toes (leggings are VERY big in Chapel Street), most of their boobs (low cut tops) and all of their back (a la the backless maxidress).

I think any hesitancy to BF in public says more about our culture viewing women as being sexual creatures who are there for the viewing pleasure of men than anything else. Why else is it ok to "flash the snatch" in a miniskirt but BF in public is seen as on the nose?

Off my soap box now.....

[~me~]

Not really sure what Gen I am..born in 1972.

I am not comfortable feeding in public and in front of certain people I know even. It's my issue, not theirs. Not sure why really. I will go to a room away from a crowd to feed...it's more comfortable for me. I aslo don't have a problem with women who BF whenever and wherever.
I BF exclusively DS2 until 4mths or so and kept going once he had started solids until 9mths. I will do the same for DD although the guidelines for introducing solids has changed so it will BF exclusively till 6mths.
I have a couple of glamour mum tops which you can get from Bambini Pronto and other baby shops. These tops are also great when milk first comes in also as the breasts get quite big and uncomofortable and your DW may not want to wear a bra. They can also be worn on their own as a singlet. I don't cover up with a blanket or anything I just try to be as discreet as possible.
I feed out and about If I have to otherwise I make sure she is fed before we leave. If we are out for the day, I just do it, I try to be discreet and wear an easy acccess top.
As Nelly mentioned most Shopping Centres have parent rooms now where you and your wife can go in and BF your little one in privacy. Alot of major shops like Myer and DJ's also have them.

Lots of different things out there to make the experience more comfortable.
I found once I was holding my babies my opinions changed for the better, amazing little creatures they are

[Glamourcide]

TBH I get cranky when I see women making a big song and dance about covering themselves up bcos it just makes it look so hard. By the time they get themselves organised to start I have finished one side and moving onto the next. Don't get me wrong I understand that if you feel most comfortable that way it's your choice, but for me by the time I try to co-ordinate getting my breast out, baby on and cover over I don't have enough arms.... and I feel suffocated when I stick my head in not to mention how the baby feels.

I tend to agree - I used a blanket for the first few weeks, when we were still getting the hang of it and I was still really concerned about 'hanging out' in view of others, but once we got on track with it and I decided I wasn't going to let other people's opinions affect me feeding my baby, we went without, and I just wore my shirts to hide my tummy flab more than my breasts, and we went for it Because blankets *are* a hassle and it was just so much easier without - and again, I credit BB with being able to overcome my fears about other people's perception of BFing in public, and just did it

[Jaycee]

I'm on the gen x / y border as well and I have to say that I think this article means nothing at all.

Before I breastfed, whilst pregnant, I was a little uneasy about it. I knew it was best for my baby, but didn't feel any passion for it and was of the attitude that I'd try it and if it didn't work out, then so be it. I was also a little uneasy as I had the whole "boobs are a sexual object" attitude going on.

It wasn't until I actually started b'feeding and my son was here in my arms, that I realised just how important it really is, on so many levels. I am so passionate about breastfeeding these days, now that I have first hand experience.

In the early days I was also uneasy about b'feeding in public, but once I got the hang of it I'd feed anywhere

So whilst those people in the article may feel uncomfortable about it now, the study is not a good indicator of how they'd feel once they're experiencing / experienced the joy of breastfeeding!

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

When I was in high school we were taught about breastfeeding in 'caring for children' class, which was an elective. The main thing I remember about it was the women saying "I'm a dress size smaller than I was before I was pregnant" as a selling point lol.

[Shanti]

I think I'm Gen X? (1981)
I enjoy breastfeeding in public because it's NORMAL and setting a good example to society and helping other women to realise, hopefully that they too can do the same!

At first, I hid away in parents rooms but only because the attachment we had was very difficult the first 3mths we had alot of feeding problems and were doing bottles also BUT mainly due to my big tummy with stretchmarks all over it, which I felt VERY conscious about and still do..... (but am doing something about that now! )

But once DD was about 3-4mths old.... I started feeding anywhere!!!!!! I even fed her on a plane when she was just 8wks old

I don't cover up either.... I just do it discreetly for my privacy more than anything!!
If someone had a problem with it, they'd be picking on the wrong person if they chose me hehe

It's NORMAL! And we're still feeding at 1yr of age so I look forward to continuing feeding DD in public and not feeling I have to hide away just because society feels feeding a baby past 1yr is not normal..... it is normal!

I remember hiding away in the bedroom at our house when DD was just 2wks old and family came over but I look back and realise now that it was just all new to me and DD and we had feeding probs which didnt help all that. I think even if we didnt have problems at the beginning I still would have used the parents rooms alot initially just until we got used to feeding and correct positioning etc...... most mum's feel this way too I'm pretty sure. It's a learnt skill.

[briggsy's girl]

i'm with shanti - at the tail end of gen x i think. i too feed anywhere and everywhere! i have boob tube things that cover my tum, and we feed discreetly. half the time people don't realise i'm feeding til they're literally right there!

i think some of the problem for gen y - especially the younger end of gen y - is that everything about everything is so sexualised! nothing is seen as something simple, it has to have sexual context to it. and it rubs off! you start to feel embarrassed about it - especially if you're not a strong person

i'll admit the thought of BF in public terrified me to start with. i am a bigger busted chicky, and we had some attachment issues. when i first came home from hospital, half our feeds were laying down in bed as it was more comfy - and obviously i couldn't do that at the shops! but, we need to eat, and there is no way we could NOT shop - or not feed while shopping as it's a fair trip there and back from here. so, when DD was about 3 weeks old, she got ratty at the shops, i went and sat out the front of bigw while DH paid, and we had a feed. since then, i've been confident enough to feed anywhere.

there has only ever been one person that just made me feel uncomfortable feeding - he just had a vibe, and i couldn't feed near him. he wasn't leering or anything, didn't say a word, but i just got a bad feeling and simply didn't want to feed near him.

i think the more society normalises breast feeding, the less embarrassment there will be. when we're home, i will lay on the bed or on the floor on hot days and DD can come and go as she pleases - so yeah, i have boobs out a bit - but she knows the difference. if she messes about and won't feed properly in public, it goes away for a while and then is offered again once she is more settled and not so sticky-beakish!

in 8 months i've only heard one comment - and that was when i was in a takeaway food place, sitting in a corner feeding DD at 3 months - a lady walked past to go to the loo, then went back to her partner and got their food - when they went to sit down, she suggested they sit at a different table to where he wanted, as "there are heaps of free tables, the lady is feeding, be nice and give her some privacy" - apart from that, nothing!

i really don't think people comment (or even notice) as often as i thought they would before i started feeding!

[Jellyfish]

Just wanted to say that it IS okay to be nervous about public feeding -- I find public speaking makes me nervous, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with public speaking and it is the same for this. If your partner (or anyone reading this) wants to use a blanket or two tops or any other method then DO IT and don't feel ashamed. The important thing is that YOU (the breastfeeding mother) feel comfortable -- not the people watching or judging as they pass, not any other breastfeeding mothers who might feel like you are reinforcing negative connotations -- just focus on you and your baby!!

[spenceee]

Just wanted to say that it IS okay to be nervous about public feeding -- I find public speaking makes me nervous, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with public speaking and it is the same for this. If your partner (or anyone reading this) wants to use a blanket or two tops or any other method then DO IT and don't feel ashamed. The important thing is that YOU (the breastfeeding mother) feel comfortable -- not the people watching or judging as they pass, not any other breastfeeding mothers who might feel like you are reinforcing negative connotations -- just focus on you and your baby!!

Thats what I'm talkin bout willis... regardless of what should be the norm for society with regards to BF (i believe that nobody should bat an eyelid, but they do, so this is why the Y feels embarrased). The focus should be on getting baby mother's milk if available.

Thanks to all for posting