Gen Y Embarrased to Breastfeed

[nelly]

I have to agree with the comments that it is what you are exposed to that tends to influence these decisions and how you feel. I luckily was not the first in my circle of friends to have babies and bf.

I BF DS till 11months and am still going with DD. Once you get established (and hopefully she is lucky and has a smooth path) bf is so easy and convenient - I really was dreading starting solids bcos suddenly I had to start carrying stuff around, and make an effort at mealtime! And I found when I reached that 6 month mark I was enjoying the special quiet moments and couldn't fathom all the sterilizing, the bottles and the expense of ff. Gosh with the second baby I couldn't even be bother expressing - it just seemed to hard lol.

TBH I get cranky when I see women making a big song and dance about covering themselves up bcos it just makes it look so hard. By the time they get themselves organised to start I have finished one side and moving onto the next. Don't get me wrong I understand that if you feel most comfortable that way it's your choice, but for me by the time I try to co-ordinate getting my breast out, baby on and cover over I don't have enough arms.... and I feel suffocated when I stick my head in not to mention how the baby feels.

And I am one who looks at other bf women, not to cop a perve but to have a look at bub and seriously it really is such a beatific picture ~ mum w bub at breast.

If Jellymaker isn't comfortable feeding in public, be it covered or not, most parents rooms have the little curtained cubicles that are good to use when you and bub are still figuring it all out.

[squishyandmum]

i'm Gen Y, and was just over 18 when squishy was born and TBH, after giving birth it really wasn't a big deal lol
i remember my dad was visiting in hospital and squish needed a feed and i sort of started to get embarassed but then though hey, my bub needs food, i'll feed him, so i fed infront of my dad and that was that! tits out whenever and wherever needed (including church lol)

but i do have Gen Y friends, with children, who still recoil with the thought of breastfeeding in public. that said, they are they people who didn't really 'think' about the experience of birth and feeding and parenting (if that makes sense) one did BF for 6 weeks, the other didn't at all.

but i think if you ask the 'average' Gen Y who has put no thought into babies then yeah you probably will get OMG boobs in PUBLIC! because it's no longer normal

[~me~]

Not really sure what Gen I am..born in 1972.

I am not comfortable feeding in public and in front of certain people I know even. It's my issue, not theirs. Not sure why really. I will go to a room away from a crowd to feed...it's more comfortable for me. I aslo don't have a problem with women who BF whenever and wherever.
I BF exclusively DS2 until 4mths or so and kept going once he had started solids until 9mths. I will do the same for DD although the guidelines for introducing solids has changed so it will BF exclusively till 6mths.
I have a couple of glamour mum tops which you can get from Bambini Pronto and other baby shops. These tops are also great when milk first comes in also as the breasts get quite big and uncomofortable and your DW may not want to wear a bra. They can also be worn on their own as a singlet. I don't cover up with a blanket or anything I just try to be as discreet as possible.
I feed out and about If I have to otherwise I make sure she is fed before we leave. If we are out for the day, I just do it, I try to be discreet and wear an easy acccess top.
As Nelly mentioned most Shopping Centres have parent rooms now where you and your wife can go in and BF your little one in privacy. Alot of major shops like Myer and DJ's also have them.

Lots of different things out there to make the experience more comfortable.
I found once I was holding my babies my opinions changed for the better, amazing little creatures they are

[Glamourcide]

TBH I get cranky when I see women making a big song and dance about covering themselves up bcos it just makes it look so hard. By the time they get themselves organised to start I have finished one side and moving onto the next. Don't get me wrong I understand that if you feel most comfortable that way it's your choice, but for me by the time I try to co-ordinate getting my breast out, baby on and cover over I don't have enough arms.... and I feel suffocated when I stick my head in not to mention how the baby feels.

I tend to agree - I used a blanket for the first few weeks, when we were still getting the hang of it and I was still really concerned about 'hanging out' in view of others, but once we got on track with it and I decided I wasn't going to let other people's opinions affect me feeding my baby, we went without, and I just wore my shirts to hide my tummy flab more than my breasts, and we went for it Because blankets *are* a hassle and it was just so much easier without - and again, I credit BB with being able to overcome my fears about other people's perception of BFing in public, and just did it

[Jaycee]

I'm on the gen x / y border as well and I have to say that I think this article means nothing at all.

Before I breastfed, whilst pregnant, I was a little uneasy about it. I knew it was best for my baby, but didn't feel any passion for it and was of the attitude that I'd try it and if it didn't work out, then so be it. I was also a little uneasy as I had the whole "boobs are a sexual object" attitude going on.

It wasn't until I actually started b'feeding and my son was here in my arms, that I realised just how important it really is, on so many levels. I am so passionate about breastfeeding these days, now that I have first hand experience.

In the early days I was also uneasy about b'feeding in public, but once I got the hang of it I'd feed anywhere

So whilst those people in the article may feel uncomfortable about it now, the study is not a good indicator of how they'd feel once they're experiencing / experienced the joy of breastfeeding!

[Jennifer13]

TBH I haven't read the whole thread, but the thing I found that eased my fear/embarrassment of bfing in public (or in front of my family!) was time.

Once I'd bf my DD for a little while I quickly stop being embarrassed by it and started seeing it as more 'normal' and a convenient way to quickly and easily settle and nourish my baby. I really started to see how positive bfing was and I wanted to encourage others (particularly other mums) to view it in the same way. This really influenced my bfing in public. The older she got, the better I felt about bfing in public, I felt like I was setting a good example of what breasts are really for.

Spencee, I'm impressed that you're already thinking about this and have questioned the way we view breasts during your wife's pg. While I wanted to bf, I wasn't as far down the thought-process stage as what you are! And look at me - almost four years on still bfing!

[Hummingbird]

I've not read all the replies so sorry if someone has already said this, but I wonder whether those people asked were pregnant or considering children. Given that alot of people are having babies later in life I think that alot of Gen Y people wouldn't have yet considered children and therefore not be informed on anything.

I am Gen Y by only a few months and I am one of the first to have kids in my circle of friends who are mostly Gen X and haven't yet started to think about kiddies yet.

[~clover~]

I felt self conciouse with all mine at first. I only got to a few weeks with the first 2, but DS will be 2 soon & is still BFing.
I got to a stage, after the first few months where I didn't really care, & mostly I still don't, but him being nearly 2 isn't the norm, so I've started feeling a bit self conciouse again. Doesn't help with all the 'too old' comments. Noone's ever been nasty though.

[Arcadia]

I'm gen y and I feed dd everywhere. Tbh I am bothered by the 'discreet' breastfeeding blankets because I think they perpetuate the idea breastfeeding should be hidden. It's tough when bub looks around and when you're just getting the hang of it. But that's just part of breastfeeding. No wonder we have such low rates of breastfeeding in Australia and people think it's yuck... Its never seen until it's you with the hungry baby and you have to get your bbs out in front of people who will judge you. It sucks! All mums should be supported when feeding their babes.

Warning! Feminist boots are slipping on! My boobs are not a sexual object. If someone wants to fetishise them and see breastfeeding as somehow related to sex then they have a serious issue. Boobs as sex object is demoralizing to all women. How come mens bodies escape this kind of scrutiny? Heck I see men scratch their balls in public without thoughts of masturbation. It's a human act and frankly people should get their minds off it!!! I worry for my daughters being brought into such a heavily sexualised culture! Rant over

[Curly]

I'm a Gen X-er, had my first baby at the age of 31 and I was initially horribly embarrassed about breastfeeding. In fact I would time all my outings around breastfeeds or cut outings short and rush home so I could breastfeed DS at home.

DH kept telling me I was being ridiculous and that sooner or later I would have to do it in public and I would agree with him but secretly planned to never do that. I was really worried people would stare at me or tell me it was disgusting and it should be done in private. I did not personally feel like that at all...I was worried about encountering negative attitudes from people I didn't know.

The first time I breastfed in "public" or what I considered public was at mother's group at the health centre LOL, when DS was about 2 months old, that was a real milestone for me. Looking back, I can't believe I was nervous about breastfeeding alongside 10 other brand new mums!!!

About a month later, we were out and about and DS needed a feed...DH grinned at me...I took a deep breath, arranged my muslin around myself and DS had a nice feed, it was all very discreet, nobody looked twice at me (and believe me I was checking!) That was huge.

And really, over time, I had less and less of a problem with it. I was only going to breastfeed for 3 months, maybe even less, because that was all I thought babies "needed". In fact I thought formula was actually an essential part of the weaning process, that babies HAD to have formula before they started solids. The MCHN set me straight on that one and I was truly amazed.

In the end DS was breastfed for 20 months. I would breastfeed him happily in front of all my friends who didn't have kids, in front of my Mum who was also gobsmacked at the idea of a child over the age of 1 having a breastfeed (she was more amazed that I "still had milk"), even my Dad, who I know thought it was a bit unseemly, but by that stage I totally didn't give a crap what anyone thought.

So I wouldn't necessarily be too worried about the attitudes in that study. If you'd asked me before I had babies I might have said something very similar. My attitude evolved after I had my baby. There was NO WAY I would have breastfed a 20 month old in public!!!!

[Cupcake]

Would be interesting to see the people they surveyed...

I dont have a problem with it and fully plan on giving it a go!

[Artechim]

I am a gen Yer and tbh I never realised that people would feel embarrassed about BF until I read threads about it on BB! It just never occurred to me, I assumed it was what people did. Perhaps we aren't as prudish in NZ

I never cared, although I do try to pull some clothing across my flabby white stretch-marked belly because I don't really like to show that off. I don't think that anyone actually sees my boobs because there is a baby's head in front of it. If they pull off they don't go far, they usually just look up at me but are still in front of the girls. And if anyone did happen to cop an eyeful then yay for them - I've got a nice rack lol

I breastfeed wherever I need to and I have only ever had one comment - at a wedding when the mother of the groom came over and started telling me that I was doing a good job, that mum's shouldn't have to hide away to feed babies and how much she loved BF her kids.

[sunshine_sieben]

Me again!
Ok, I'm sort of on the border between gen x and gen y, being born in 79.
I grew up in Germany. i think the general attitude there is a little different from here. To me, it was never a question whether or not I BF. I thought that's what everybody does. It didn't occur to me that there was a choice to be made. I NEVER thought much about all the formula in the supermarkets, but I probably thought it was for the few women who either can't make milk or for when they are away from their babies (I had no idea about expressing). But honestly, i didn't give it much thought before I was ready to have kids.

When I first started BFing, I was a little uneasy about BFing in public. Not embarrassed. But I was concerned about embarrassing others. I had read about Australia's twisted attitude towards BFing and probbably thought about it a bit too much. I just couldn't do it discreetly as I was having attachment issues. I remember when DD was 3 or 4 days old, my MIL and my DH's grandmother (Nanna) came around when I had to feed DD. I thought Nanna might get offended. I remember asking my mum, who was staying with me, whether I should go to my bedroom to feed (at that time, it often took 1 hour). My mum just rolled her eyes and said: "Don't be silly. It's not like she's never seen boobs before. She's been there done that". So I did. Nanna didn't flinch.
Then, when DD was 4 weeks old, my dad came to stay with us for 3 weeks. I had no choice than to feed in front of him. I was not sure how he would react to his daughter's bare breasts. I was so relieved, when he just sat down next to me and started chatting away. He treated it as the most normal thing in the world, which it is, of course. He wouldn't have felt uncomfortable if I was giving DD a bottle, so why should he feel uncomfy about BFing.
My brother also stayed with me when DD was 3 months old and it didn't bother me. And he acted completely normal, too.
My family members have become so used to seeing me do it, that even the ones who felt a little weird about it in the beginning, have completely desensitised (especially my FIL and my Dh's grandfather).
If I am around people I don't know, I usually sit a little to the side, not right in their faces, so that they do not HAVE to look, if they don't want to. But I am always happy if someone comes and sits with me.

I love to see women BF. I think it is beautiful. And I am sure, when my Bfing journey is over (what a sad thought), I will delight in seeing the milky smiles of other babies. So I might be the freaky person gwaking - not at the boobs, but at the babies doing their most favourite thing in the world.
I often wish people would see what I see when I BF my children. Especially people who have not had kids yet. There is nothing more beautiful than when DS pulls off the boob and gives me a big toothless grin, before tucking in again. Or blowing me a kiss. if more people saw those moments, maybe they would better understand how far beyond nutrition this whole BFing thing goes.

[Smoke Jaguar]

I think that in our efforts to tell women that it's ok to breastfeed in public as long as they're discreet, we've made it embarrassing. If it's not embarrassing, why the need to be 'discreet'? Not only that, but by being 'discreet', aka HIDING BFing, younger people (and lots of older people who either never had kids or can't remember their children being little!) don't even know BFing is there, don't know that there's this great thing they can do when it's their turn, don't know that it's really normal, don't know that it can be a struggle to get it right, and just don't know when it's being done or not.
To me, when someone says it's "ok if it's discreet", they're really telling me they don't approve of people BFing in public. "It's ok if I don't know it's happening", is what I hear. It's suggesting that there are women who pop out a boob, leave it on display for a few minutes before attaching the child. How ridiculous a notion. Women get their boobs out to feed their children, not to display their nipples. Simple as that. If people see nipples then, guess what? That's what a boob is and what it does!
Plus, the irony for me is that blankets and those insipid BFing covers only draw attention to the fact that you're BFing and no-one actually notices when I just 'pull out a boob' to BF with no blanky in sight. That's ok if you're not embarrassed about people knowing you're BFing, but wasn't the point to be as unnoticeable as possible?? I don't get it.
Anyhoo, I really resent being told it's ok to BF in public as long as it's discreet. The more people BF in public, the more we'll all appreciate that boobs come in all varieties, not just the pumped up, 'classic' shape (which has GOT to be a minority in reality!!) that never strays beyond a D cup.
Do your wife a favour, and don't mention that BFing can be done discreetly

[Inanna]

MMM not so sure about the authenticity of this article. Sunshine Sieben I agree with so much of what you say. I have breastfed 5 babies, co fed, toddler/preschooler fed... Like SS there was never a "choice" to breastfeed it was just what I did. There was no other way for me. Though it was dang dang dang hard in the beginning with 2 of my babies & of course expressing for months after Immy was born without even putting her to the boobie!

I too think breast feeding shouldn't be hidden (for me),.. I took the opportunity to show just how normal and every day breastfeeding is. SS you are so correct - Aussies have a warped view of breastfeeding (generally societally I am referring to)... Breasts are seen as sexual organs - and they can be but they are there to comfort and nourish my baby & they got a great work out there...

I say bring it out of the closet - make it as natural and "normal" as it surely is... Don't hide it away as it is beautiful! Be proud of providing this for your baby!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I dunno Mayaness - I breastfeed discretely. But then I walk discretely, shop discretely, eat discretely... I just do it, without drawing attention to the fact I'm doing it. That makes it discrete. Breastfeeding just happened and I didn't make a song and dance out of it.

I do agree with many others that some of those awful breastfeeding covers look awful, make breastfeeding a "looky here!" objective and take longer to get going when your baby is hungry. Never liked them, never used them. Loose cardigans were good enough for me in the "oooh, what's going on there then?" days. But mostly because my breastmilk could squirt for yards when that happened, and I didn't want people getting that in their eyes!

And my breasts fed my baby. They're also sexual. But then my knees are sexual too, as is my neck and wrists and hips and back and brain and... pretty much the whole body. People don't object to seeing my neck in public so why object to anything else? It's just a body part!

[Smoke Jaguar]

LZ - here in Oz, when told it's ok if it's discreet, 'discreet' means to make sure you're as unnoticeable as possible, not 'just doing something'. 'Discreet' to me means you're making an effort to be unnoticed, instead of just doing it regardless. I breastfeed when I'm out of the home and make effort to neither be noticeable or unnoticeable. I don't think I'd be called a 'discreet' breastfeeder here! Sheesh, I breastfed last night at my fire brigade meeting while DD was in the Ergo - I prefer to feed in the Ergo than to get her out of my other slings because it means she gets the breast that much sooner and she can fall asleep again without being lifted back into a sling, I don't choose it to be 'discreet'. I happened to arrive late to the meeting and sat at the front, along the side, so everyone knew what I was preparing to do and actually doing! I guess that wasn't very discreet

[spenceee]

Thanks for the big response,

For some I think the topic has derailed, if you got on with BF whenever wherever and didnt care who stared then Kudos but I didnt start this for you. Telling someone who may be embarrased about getting their boobs out in public that you had no issues is not really helping.

For those who wish to discuss the nature of BF in public and whether or not it should be discreet, overt or inconsequential then maybe another thread should start.

All those who have posted handy hints on maintaining modesty while letting nature do it's thing Big Thanks!!!!