I'm still sourcing EBM, I'd rather supplement with that any day. Not even sure if I will use the formula, I'm pretty loathe to. No point to this post, other than a bit of a vent. I'm slowly accepting that this is out of my control, and that I need to accept a new type of normal now. On a slight positive note, DD's food intake has increased a lot in the last few days, which is as reassuring as it can be.
Last edited by PumpkinZulu; May 17th, 2012 at 09:56 AM.
Don't let milk from a stranger worry you.. Ask them for blood tests, ask about their lifestyle. Most women have pre natal testing done and are very open about their lifestyle when donating.... What is it you are worried about? On the small possibility a woman may have something the chances of it being passed through ebm are very small.. Whatever you decide to do, don't feel guilty, you are making an informed choice what else can you do?
PZ, it sucks when you feel forced into a corner, doing something you aren't comfortable with. I have no advice re BF, just wanted to offer some support. If you wanted to avoid formula, is there other "milks" like almond and rice milk you could try?
I feel like I'm letting my irrational emotions (and if I'm honest, convenience) get in the way of what I know is an informed decision. To me, formula is easier than sourcing milk constantly. Otherwise, why the heck doesn't everyone do it, why does it exist at all? Is it rude to ask for blood tests? I don't know. I know I need to (wo)man up. I feel so vulnerable right now, so close to cracking.
No advice, but I don't think there's anything wrong with formula. There are many to chose from that are organic. You can get soy or goat formula.
This is coming from someone who had no milk and a hungry child.
I know how much you want to BF Miss I. I think that is such an amazing and beautiful thing, but this is will be just one of many times in her life that you'll have to make a decision that won't be what is ideal, but may be the best thing for everyone involved.
I weaned Charlie at 11 months of age. For a variety of complicated reasons, I felt that I had to, the least of which was that I didn't have enough milk (I had tonnes), so it was a difficult and sad decision for me. But it was the right one in hindsight, even if it didn't feel like it at the time.
Giving her formula may be the right decision right now, as much as you may not want it to be. Or deciding to wean her directly onto a cup (which I did with both DD, who self-weaned at 9 months, and Charlie). Let go of beating yourself up for your body physiologically struggling to cope with lack of sleep, pregnancy and everything else (including your living arrangements) and make the decision that is most pragmatic.
I promise you, you will face decisions like this throughout your children's lives, and sometimes, you just need to take the road that will save your own sanity.
Formula is convenient, sourcing ebm is a pain at first, but you will find once 1 person donates word gets out. have you tried any natural parenting fb pages? i put a call out in my mum's area and now when i go there on holidays i have ebm waiting.. Formula is there, DD will never go hungry, but honestly if you want ebm, you'll find it.. It is NOT rude to ask for blood tests and lifestyle questions. most mums will volunteer the info anyway..
PZ, I know you are committed to BF but formula isnt poison. Nor are you superwoman. You need to cut yourself some slack - emotionally and physically. Donated EBM might be a great solution, but if it's not feasible, formula will be fine.
In years to come, do you think that it is really going to make a difference that you supplemented her diet with some milk out of a tin?? It will be far from the worse thing she ingests/eats/drinks as a child, I promise you.
In the meantime, it may be disappointing initially, but noone is judging or keeping score, except you. And, like I said, you need to stop being so harsh on yourself. It's not good for you, or either of your little ones.
Sorry, but I just worry you set these impossibly high standards for yourself based on a notion of what you think you have to do to be a good parent. But the reality is a good parent does what they need to do and adapts as they need to. You dont need to feel guilty. Isla is very lucky to have you as a mum.
Hey pz, I've had to introduce one bottle of formula a day to DS as I just need my sanity. He's been feeding all night and I haven't been getting any breaks.
I felt awful about it. I had the tin in the house 2 weeks before I used it but now that I am it isn't so bad. I even got 4 hrs sleep straight last nigh - the most sleep in a row since I found out I was pregnant.
I have a friend who became pregnant when her DD was 7 months and she had some issues to begin with but she is still feeding both and they are 14 and 21 months old. It is possible but don't stress yourself too much.
Don't beat yourself up about it PZ. You've done nothing wrong and absolutely everything right. So many would just pick up the closest tin on the shelf if Coles and be done with it. You've made informed, intelligent decisions in the best interests of your girl.
I was a formula feeding mum through necessity after varying times of breastfeeding and you know what? My girls are gorgeous. There's no damage to our emotional bond. They're happy, healthy little girls. Its not what I wanted but hey, it happens.
I have absolutely no experience in donated EBM, but can only say that if I was donating I would probably be concerned if the donee mum DIDN'T ask me about my lifestyle choices, blood tests etc.
You're doing a great job, and have no reason to feel anything but proud of what you're doing - growing one gorgeous new life while doing the absolute best you can for your daughter.
I agree with N2L, PZ. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are an excellent mum & Isla has chosen her mummy very well as it is clear that she is very much loved & cared for.
PZ I agree with N2L, you aren't a superwoman and should go gentle on yourself. I know how much feeding your baby can be an emotional decision and when things don't go as planned it can be very, very stressful and raise heaps of emotions. When your plan A doesn't go to plan there is so much to weigh up because contingency plans involve all kinds of compromise. I wanted to BF so much and was so disappointed when I couldn't. It was so hard to accept, I cried a lot and got angry at myself a lot. My story is different to yours I know.
Whilst I was lucky enough to be able to EE for 12 months I decided for a range of factors to end it at 12 months and move onto formula (we needed the calories so couldn't go straight to milk), and soy formula of all types (I didn't want to use soy due to it's bad press). It was really emotional to stop BF and I worried about formula and losing the connection that being able to feed my baby created. Now I'm weaned I realise my connection is still there.
Just posting as someone who donated BM regularly... No its not rude to ask for blood tests, its perfectly normal! No one will bat an eyelid. One Mama i donated to was happy with my pre-natal tests, another offered to cover the cost of me having brand new blood tests (was about $50) but i would be more surprised if someone didn't ask for them. Love to you as you work it through.
PZ she is 11 months old. For all you know she could decide to up and refuse the breast or bottle any day, as all 4 of mine did just before or not long after their first birthday. While its nice to have a goal, sometimes it just doesn't work out that way
You have given her the best start possible Move on from that now (I know its hard when you're not quite ready, so it's OK to grieve) and enjoy your baby as she turns the corner into toddlerhood and independence.
Thankyou guys. To be clear, I'm not knocking formula, or judging others. It's just not right for us. I feel bad about making a choice based on my own convenience over DD, because I know I can get EBM. A silly part of me said, well I'd rather ABM than feeling inferior to another woman's BM. Like I said, my own crap.
I took a step forward and contacted a woman on HM4HB about some milk. If that doesn't work out, I'll try again, and again. I guess I'm just feeling so down lately. I'm trying to be positive and embrace this situation for what it is, but I'm not quite there yet. I just need to keep reminding myself, my milk will be back in 7 or so months, and DD can resume BF (not that I'm going to stop, but she can actually get some milk again after baby is here).
Hopefully the woman from HM4HB gets back to you and you don't even need the formula (or you at least don't need it as often!). Could you do a SNS kind of thing so Miss I still has the closeness when she wants it?
You're making the choice that suits your family best. Remember what you've been saying to me about the choices I made in labour? Things like working with the situation, doing what was right in the moment? Same deal here.
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I bought a tin of formula :(
Move on from that now (I know its hard when you're not quite ready, so it's OK to grieve) and enjoy your baby as she turns the corner into toddlerhood and independence.
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