I BF DD1 until she was 4 months old. I thought we were doing really well but she had started screaming every time I went to feed her and became very larthargic. Anyway, being my first baby, I took her to weigh her every month. I weighed her at about 4 months thinking that she would be pushing the 6kg mark (she was just over 5kg when I weighed her at around 3 months). I was shocked that she was barely weighing in at 4kg. When she was born she weighed 3.8kg. At 4 months she was down to 300g over her birth weight.

I immediately went in to see the lactation consultant (there was one at the centre where I weighed my baby and she happened to be free). I had seen the lactation consultant once before when DD1 was 6w old to ensure everything was going okay because I was stressing about attachment. The lactation consultant gave me some things to try to stimulate my milk supply. DD1 continued to scream through every feed and I saw the lactation consultant again 5 days later and DD1 had lost another 100g. We talked about more things I could try and I went away and did them. When I weighed DD1 again she had lost another 50g. I didn't bother going back to the LC again, I switched to formula. DH was quite vocal about switching over to formula because he was really worried. I don't blame him. I didn't realise at the time but I look at photos now and she was tiny. DD1 gained 500g on her first week of formula. It was amazing!

I have looked long and hard at reasons to help me be more successful bfing my other babies and I think there were a number of reasons that it didn't work the first time and my milk dried up - especially since I have such great supply after birth and I never supplemented DD1's feeds. She had never had formula until the day I stopped BFing her. I went cold turkey and had no issues with engorgement or leaking so I am pretty certain I had nothing there and DD1 was starving.

The first reason I think my milk dried up was because I hated feeding in public but I am a very social person. I hated having to hide away to feed my baby, but I was very self conscious of feeding in front of others. If I was out, anywhere, once I stopped being able to express, I would feed until DD1 pulled off and assume that she was done. If she kicked up a real stink, I would bregrudgingly feed her more but I really just didn't want to be stuck on my own feeding away from all the fun. I have learned to feed in public and let it take as long as it needs to.

Even as tiny babies, all my kids have only ever fed for 15 mins tops to fill up because I have good and fast flow especially in the early days. My kids tend to drown in my milk and pull off leaving it spraying all over the place. Now it doesn't phase me because I expect it and it's okay. When DD1 was a baby, it would freak me out and added to me not enjoying the bfing experience. I know what to rexpect this time and prepared myself mentally for bfing.

I was paranoid about correct attachment. I read all that info about attachment but nothing had prepared me for feeding with big boobs. I can't hold my baby in a cradling position to feed her, I have to support my boobs with my hand or a rolled up washer and lay my baby on a pillow. It didn't look like I thought it would. They tell you that most of the areola should be in the baby's mouth. My areola was quite large so I was forever unattaching my baby because it didn't 'look right'. No-one told me to just worry about how it feels. They tell you how it should look and sound and I thought I was doing it wrong all the time when it was actually okay so I was interrupting my let down because I was always fussing because I didn't want to injure my nipples and make feeding more difficult.

I was discharged from hospital with DD1 12 hours after she was born, which was fine but the only times I had bf in hospital were in birth suite when the midwife attached her for me and again in maternity when the midwife attached her. I went home with a baby that I had never feed unassisted so I struggled through the first night until the home visiting midwife (who was also the midwife who delivered DD1) came to visit. She taught me how to attach DD1 but shocked me a bit with telling me that she didn't think I enjoyed bfing very much and asked me if I would prefer to switch to formula. I was a bit shocked that she would so quickly make that conclusion based on feeding that happened in birth suite while I was hooked up to all sorts of drips and had a canulla hanging out of my arm. It probably didn't give me a good mental start to bfing either. I hadn't expected the midwife to encourage me so strongly not to feed. That was why I ended up seeing the lactation consultant.

I am bfing DD2 still. She is 8 months old next week and it is the most successful bfing journey I have had. We are going strong and I am so proud of myself and her for what we have acheived together. I never made it this far with my other two and only this time discovered that I seem to hit the same hurdles with each baby at about the same times but it has all been smooth sailing from about 5 months onwards. I have had to make a really conscious effort to make it work for us but I am thrilled that it has paid off this time. I think my issues could have been prevented with better education about bfing, how it works and how it feels.