This feels like an endless saga to me sorry if I seem to be whining all the time mayby more of a vent
I went on the aba website and was looking at joining and doing a class later in pg but I just can't bring myself to do it I still hurt from not being able to bf ds I'm not sure I want to got to s class and be shown how to bf and listen to stuff about bf when it hurts to think about it
I feel silly like it shouldn't be this much if an issue
Sounds like you had a rough time jellybean and it's still hurting you Some mums really find that talking through their experiences can help them to work through the grief of a 'failed' breastfeeding relationship. Then they feel readier to take on the challenge again. The ABA can help you with this. Even if you're not a member, you can call the helpline -1800-686-268 - to talk to a counsellor, or go along to your local group meeting to talk to someone in person, if you prefer. You may find that writing about it on BB is also helpful.
You have time and there are people who can help you through this. Know that there are many mothers who have grieved the loss of breastfeeding with a child who have then gone on to successfully feed another child.
Ok, sure, well there's also a link on the ABA website for email counselling. So you can 'talk' to a counsellor without actually talking, but it's all private between the two of you.
When breastfeeding doesn't work it really hurts. Not because "they tell us we should" or "they make us feel guilty" but because in our heart we know breastfeeding is a special, shortlived and important connection with your child. I can understand how you feel. I don't know the details of our breastfeeding, but it's only normal to be apprehensive.
Breastfeeding works. It works for nearly for almost every mother and baby. And if it doesn't (and yes, stuff can go wrong with mothers or babies.) then most mothers rest more easily if they have an explanation.
When I go to parties or read articles on line of mothers who "couldn't breastfeed" the overall feeling I get is "You could have if you'd gotten the right information at the right time" When I read the catalogue of problems I thinking "that could have been fixed/managed/solved" But of course that is a lot harder in the pressure cooker that is the first weeks post partum than it is in the cold light of day.
There is a system in breastfeeding. The same basic principles apply (even though situations may be different) You can learn those principles and it makes it easier. I have to say, in my experience, mothers who "just see how it goes next time" don't succeed as often or as well as mothers who are proactive and find out what went wrong and take steps to address it. ABA counsellors are life-savers and many of us would not have gotten by without them. Perhaps a one to one session with an LC would work better for you? Now would be a good time to debrief. Many ABA groups run a "Take 2" class.
Good luck - you can pm me and we can talk further if you want
Thanks barb I think one of the main things is I feel like it was taken from me I was too physically and emotially ill to breastfeed my dh made the decision to stop One night when I could t get out of bed in hospital and the nurses tried to "help" but he ended up so traumatized he screamed every time they put him near my breast dh has been a bit traumatized too and has said if it starts heading down the too hard route he wants to bottle feed again
Jellybean - hugs to you. I just wanted yo say I've used the ABA email counseling service and they were excellent. Really positive and supportive in a detailed way.
I think DH needs to go with you to an ABA class or lactation consultant too - so that you can both have the attitude of "what do we need to do to give breastfeeding our best shot". If you have some ideas in advance of what can happen and how it can be fixed then that has to help. Also if you can get your heads around what is "normal" - and the huge range of what normal can be...
Jellybean, that sounds odd that you've had no reply - the counsellors on the email helpline aren't in the habit of selectively replying, and while it might take a day or so for someone to get back to you, if it's been more than 2 days I'd check the email address and resend it. And check your junk/Spam mail. It's easy to think of the ABA as a big corporate type organisation, but at the counsellor level, it's made up of mums, sitting at a computer (in this case) just wanting to help other mums like you. If you haven't had a reply, it's most likely because for some reason the email didn't arrive, so the easiest way to fix it is to resend.
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