I agree with the two ideas above... and just wanted to throw my two cents in and say ditch the guilt. You're doing a wonderful thing to even attempt this... pls don't beat yourself up with "shoulds", but I must admit, I know it's so much easier said than done!! Also you mentioned the motilium and fenugreek. Are you trying RLT as well? I always found that seemed to do more for me than fenugreek, and I just took the Blackmores tablets rather than drinking the actual tea (I was too lazy for that lol).

Also for when you do pump, you said you're using a manual pump, have you tried using a make-shift hands-free bra as well? You can buy them online, but I don't imagine you'd want to do that at this stage... BUT I know of girls in the EE thread who've made their own by cutting a circle in an old crop top or bra. Then the pump bit "tucks in" IYKWIM... allowing you at least one hand free! If you google for an image of "easy expressions pumping bustier" you'll see what the commercial ones look like. I think that anything you can do to make it more relaxing, or allow you to do other things (or even more importantly) focus on other things can help make it all more maintainable. GL, i'm cheering you on - because regardless of the outcome, I really admire your effort and you should be so very proud of yourself .