I'm glad you clarified your earlier post mayaness.
I think there are two things that will help here - try to get some insight from your midwives, LCs etc about what may have caused the supply issue first time around and what strategies to put in place if that happens again. Your dh will probably feel much better too.
Secondly, as many others have said, you are not a success or failure by if you breastfeed or not. One approach that really helped me was to make a decision based on whether we were making progress. It is easy to stay motivated even if you have difficulties when you are making some progress. For example, I stopped trying to bf dd2 after trying to attach her eight times per day for three weeks and I was successful once every few days. We were quite simply making no progress despite help at every single feed in hospital and from an lc when I got home. No one told me, I accidentally found out later that I have very large nipples that made attachment difficult. On the spur of the moment, I tried to attach her again at seven weeks and it was just so simple because her mouth was bigger. I had no supply having not bf or expressed for weeks so I relactated from scratch which involved expressing every hour for a couple of weeks and taking drugs. Tbh I found that reasonably easy because I could see I was making progress.
You poor thing I so feel your pain. I too felt like I failed my first, I gave up on bfeeding at only 3 days old. But you know what she is now a happy, healthy & smart 3 year old. I now have a 6 day old and I was more petrified about breastfeeding than birthing her. We are chugging along with it slowly, taking it each feed/day at a time. Bfeeding is not easy!!!! I can really understand your DH's pov and he obviously just does not want you to go down that dark path again, good for him for looking out for you. Must cut this short but all the best.
I haven't read the other posts so I'm sorry if I'm echoing others, but surround yourself with people who can help and support you thru Bfing. See a LC, weekly, cummunicate lots with your middies and track down a good CHN so that you have all the support you can have, like a massive rock to lean on. Make sure hubby is on board 100% too, because if he is feeling skepitical it won't help you. And Hey, if it doesn't work it's no big deal, really. You gave it your absolute best.
Firstly I just wanna give you a big Anila. I know how you felt with your first bub. I had a similar experience. Very disgruntled baby and not a proper supply. By the time she was 3 weeks I put her on formula out of desperation. But it also made me feel like a failure. The first thing that would stick out at me like a sore thumb on formula tins, brochures, etc was BREASTMILK IS BEST FOR BABIES and it would just make my heart sink.
When I had bub #2 I decided to give Bfeeding a good go. I was a lot more clued up this time thanks to BB and friends experienes etc. I did a Breastfeeding class a week before bub was born and was hopeful for success this time. Unfortunatley for me bub was losing weight again and very jaundiced and dehydrated and by the time he was 5 days I had to top him up with formula.
The day I got home from hosie I hired my own LC to come ad see me (she is the best on the GC and is free if you go through public but becasue I was private I had to pay for her visit). Anyway she was awesome and gave me the knoweledge and tools to help me give it a good go. I wont go into specifics here but in the end I was diagnosed with hypoplastic breast syndrome which affects supply so had to continually give bub formula top ups as it was physically impossible to have enough milk for him. I ended up mix feeding him for about 8 weeks before going fully to formula.
I guess the point in the end is I felt like I did everything i could. Even through I was only able to give him a small amount of BM for 8 weeks I didn't feel like a failure.
I am in no way saying that you will fail hun, I'm sure you could do swimmingly if you chose to BF but honestly having my own LC was my saving grace. If you'd like her details feel free to PM me.
Just also wanted to add that if I have another bub it is mhy plan to BF he/she whilst in Hossie as I feel that receiving the colustrum is very beneficial. But once it gets to a point where I have to introduce formula I will fully phase out BF and just give formula. This is my personal decision because of my situation and I felt that giving BM and formula at each feed for an extended period was very tough, time wise. Especially when you ahve other children etc. Once again just my personal decision based on my own circumstances.
I know I've babbled on a bit here but hopefully there's something of benefit in here for you
I guess if I were you, I'd arm myself the best way I could. I'd definately have my own LC. I'd give it a go, but if FF ended up being the better option in the end for you and your family I wouldn't feel like I failed.
Last edited by ~mamaspice~; January 14th, 2011 at 01:51 PM.
You poor thing. It's difficult to do something without support. I hope that your DH manages to get past his fear and support you in your decision.
You can't make a wrong choice. All you can do is make a choice and give it a go, If it doesn't work it's never to late to make a new choice. You know you can make milk, you did last time. So don't be afraid of failing. We achieve some of the biggest things in life when we face something that we fear, something that could possibly fail.
And it's ok to fail, but i think the most important thing for you is to try, if that is what you want. You probably wont regret trying and failing, but you might regret accepting defeat and not trying.
It wont be like the first time, when you had no idea what was going on. This is your 6th baby, you will know if something is wrong and the baby is not getting enough milk. You have BB now to help you through it. If it's what you really want then i think you should give it a decent chance.
Yes formula fed babies turn out just fine, but there is no disputing the fact that mumma's home made breast milk is best for baby.
You point out that money is an issue, BF is a much cheaper option....
Whatever you decide will be the right thing for you.
Just want to say that if not breastfeeding weren't a big deal, the OP wouldn't be here. Obviously, it's a big deal, and passing it off as not a big deal, like choosing a baby sling, is kind of invalidating the anxiety and the desire to be better informed in the decision making process. It IS a big deal, all mamas know that it's a big deal because their hormones tell them it is. It's how we go about it when it doesn't work out that determines how we cope with that eventuality.
The good thing about knowing the risks of feeding with formula is that you can then find out ways to counteract that risk and balance things out a bit more. And you need to be informed to do that.
It's a big deal - that's why you're here Either way, you have support and information on BB
Sorry to hear you are having to make this tough decision, and being put under pressure to do so. I understand your DH wanting to save money but to me it sounds like this decision is a bit bigger than getting the bottles on sale?
Can your decision be to comp feed from the start? I know this isn't an option advocated by the ABA, but it is a valid option available to you. It sounds like supply was definitely an issues for you in the past, and may well be an issue again. I guess by comp feeding - starting a feed with BFing all you have available then topping up with formula - you kind of take the pressure and heat out of the situation a bit. If your supply is going strong then the top ups may be very small or not needed at all. If your supply is causing some issues, then the top ups will be a bit more substantial. DH gets to play his part by doing the bottle feeding part and you get to try the BFing thing. And also you will know you have done what you can to try and BF, if there are things out of your control that make supply an issue, you know it wasn't because you did something wrong, it was something that was in the lap of the gods.
Good luck with your decision. If you do decide to try BFing, either exclusively or comp feeding, there are some things a LC can guide your through from day 1 to try and make the most of the supply you have.
I totally agree Mayaness. It is a massive deal to me. I do think though that sometimes too much pressure on a person, especially one at risk of depression is not a good thing either.
It sounds to me like the issues with your DH are obviously a huge area of concern for you at this time. PP's have given great advice on what you can do to increase your chances of "successfully breastfeeding" (whatever the definition of this means to you) however I personally understand your dilemma with not having your DH's support. I have experienced a similar scenario in that I had limited support from DH when I attempted to re-lactate for our DD. Having had breast reduction surgery many years ago, I needed to comp feed DD within her first few weeks of life, slid the slippery slope to full FF within a week or 2, and became acutely depressed. However when the worst of the depression lifted, I wanted to re-lactate. My DH was not at all supportive. For weeks it was an elephant in the room that no-one would talk about - the hired breast pump (that I had used in the early weeks to increase my supply) sat in our loungeroom as a constant reminder. Eventually we started talking about me re-lactating, however the conversation was strained and seemed to lead to no conclusion. I knew that DH was suffering in his own way from those first few horror weeks, with the thoughts of my depression fresh in his mind. I was attending psychological counselling for my depression, so I would talk to DH about the counselling sessions and the "unfinished business" I had in attempting to breastfeed our DD. Eventually DH "agreed" to me re-lactating.
I do not know what the answer is for you, as I do not know your DH, however you could consider hiring a private LC to come to your home to talk to you both (if you can afford this) or ring the ABA helpline and speak to them while on speaker phone with your husband. Could you talk to him about his fears around you attempting to BF this baby?
Anila, I can understand why this is a tough spot for you and your DH.
Please do talk with the ABA and perhaps an LC too to at least debrief your previous experiences if you haven't already, and do it with your DH. I hope that regardless of the path you take that he can release his fears.
Though he may also enjoy feeding his children (and why wouldn't he?), there are so many other ways fathers can bond with their babies. These are things you can talk about and explore together as you work through this.
All the best to you
It was a big deal for me too but for completely different reasons with DD1 and DD2. With DD1 I thought that if I didn't BF her I would be consigning her to a childhood of colds and various ailments. I thought breast milk was far superior to formula and as such was determined to breastfeed. That determination which normally stands me in such good stead in other aspects of my life became a guarantee of depression when it became clear that it just wasn't working and my determination and bloody mindedness was actually a negative (because I stressed myself at each feed wanting to 'succeed') rather than a positive.
Two things happened after I had DD1. It became apparent that she was an incredibly healthy child on formula. She has been to the doctor three times in three years - much less than her Mothers Group counterparts who were breastfed.
Secondly, a BB member posted some detailed information about the statistics that are normally quoted re breastfeeding in regards to health outcomes. They had a deep impression on me. They showed that what may be construed as statistically significant is not as significant as we may think in actual terms. For instance (and I'm making this up to illustrate a point), if a breastfed child has a 2% chance of getting some illness and a FF child has a 25% higher chance of getting it, then the FF child's chance of getting it is only 2.5 per cent.
So while I do not believe that BFing is the be all and end all in terms of health outcomes, it was still a big deal with me with DD2. Why? Because a baby's world revolves around feeding and sleeping. They are basic needs and to not be able to meet that basic need in a normal way still caused me great distress. As an adult, I try to avoid processed food and to cook things from scratch - to me giving formula was using a processed food rather than a normal food.
I don't think the health outcomes argument works on men. They take a very matter of fact approach that there are millions of people who have been fed formula and they are fine. And they are absolutely right. But health outcomes is only one part of why we want to do it, and THAT'S what we need to explain to them.
Sweetie, I feel for you. I can't add anything else that hasn't already been said, except to tell you my story: I had low supply issues - DD and I were rehospitalised when she was 5 days old as she had lost so much weight. I can remember that first comp feed she was given, I just cried and cried and cried as I had been so determined to exclusively breastfeed. After lots of work, some medication to increase my supply, and support from the ABA, BB and my DH she had her last formula comp feed at 13 weeks 1 day, and is a week past 4 months now, exclusively breastfed.
Please remember that there are lots of ways to make it work - one of my friends comp fed with formula for a year!
Please take care of yourself, and do what you feel is best for you and your family. Remember that there are many supports available to you no matter what you decide - especially BB and ABA. XXXxxx
Firstly i want to give hugs to all the women who have posted that have been through something similar, im so glad we have this place to be able share our stories.
I again would like to thank all that have posted, i have read all the posts, some even twice, and am so greatful for you all taking the time to help give me some advice.
I do understand there is no rush to make this decision even though my husband is preasuring me to make one, i have come to realise that it shouldnt be so scary, i shouldnt be scared to try, even if the outcome isnt what i was hoping for.
In regards to the bottles, i was shopping with my mum today and mentioned that we were having this discussion, and that he doesnt want me to bf, and he wants to get bottles etc..
She said to me, regardless of what i decided to do, i will need bottles eventually to give water or medicine, and getting a pack now while there on sale, will put hubbys mind at ease for a short time, so i picked up a 4 pack of tommee tippee just for hubby!
As i have mentioned previously i will see the social worker at the hospital and hopefully they can help put me in contact with a lc through the public system.
As i read each post i am becomming more and more determind to give this another go, and i know that if i dont succeed and if i need the emotional support that i have a million strangers here, to hold my hand while i go through it!
So my first hurdle is almost past, i am making the scary decision to attempt breast feeding, my second hurdle in the hard decision is getting my husbands support and not having say i told you so if things dont work out!
Im trying to work it out in my head, to convince my husband just to take it step by step, day by day, starting with the hospital, to let me breast feed whilst in hospital and then when we get home, go from there?
Perhaps as you gather information about BF'ing you could casually drop information into the conversation about the benefits. He might slowly come around of his own accord. Have you explained to him how important it is to you to at least try and have his support? Let him know you can't do it without him and you'd really like to try. Honesty always works best for me. Good luck.
Anila - one thing I forgot to mention that you might like to keep in your memory bank should you need it is a supply line. I used one for three and a half months when I relactated because my supply was not enough to exclusively BF.
You fill a special bottle with formula which hangs around your neck like a necklace. Out of that comes a tube that you tape to your nipple. Baby sucks on that and gets formula from the bottle and breast milk from you. So if you run into supply problems, a supply line enables you to carry on feeding from the breast. In the meantime, you can look at other ways of increasing your supply such as medication/diet without having to go totally to bottles.
I'm not sure if you can re-use them, but if you can, I'm happy to send you mine. They cost around $85 new.
Well we might have a break through with hubby, he has semi agreed to let me try to bf in hospital before comming home, because i reminded him how some of the midwifes were not happy with me bottle feeding at that 1 midwife emptied out my entire bottles for the day because i didnt write down what time i made them, after i had only just made them and went back to my room for the pen!
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