Hi Worrywart, I just wanted to tell you that I found breastfeeding to be the hardest thing I had ever learnt to do. rewarding as hell once I got it sorted out, but really tough to get there. And I only had a fraction of your problems. I had a nice big nipple crack of about 2-3mm wide and 2cm long and I had to stop feeding on that side while it healed. I was very lucky to get good help early too, I had three I think home visits with qualified LC's and a day stay too. I used the kennacomb that Barb mentioned too. For me it was attachment, I was weak in the left arm and had trouble getting my little boy on...okay the massive boobs compared to his tiny mouth did not help either, but the main issue was my lack of strength. It got better. I found the electric pump more painful than a manual, but every one is different.

Depression is horrible, as you know, but is it possible that you are also experiencing normal feelings of anger and frustration at the difficulties you're facing?

Finally, you're not failing at anything, you're trying. To me, trying is what counts. Now maybe I'm just believing the propaganda I tell my son, but I believe that trying is what counts. We all fail at some things sometimes, and that's okay. I wish I could send you my copy of Oh The Places You'll Go by Dr Suess!

This has been a tired (me), inexact (my words!) and not very articulate attempt (I hope I get marks for trying) to tell you that I think you're doing a great job, at the hardest and most important job we do as human beings: raising the next generation in the best way we can.

ps my son is 3 and a half, conceived Dec 2006, and we're the same age. We must have been thinking alike back then, and you amazing person, you kept trying for three and a half years until you got her. That actually brings tears to my eyes to think about it.