I debreifed when I was pregnant with DD2. Part of my midwife visits were discussing the past and what I wanted to happen this time round. I found it very helpful and got a lot more answers about what happened. Just my description of what went on was enough for them to give some good feedback.
It was so worth discussing things with them, as it meant that when I needed another emergency c-section (due to other issues), we were more in control and able to have a better experience overall.
Thanks for the replies. I asked my DH last night what he thought about the debrief and 1. he though talk to the OB, and 2. he said it was pretty clear than nothing was happening (I did not dilate past 4cm, and my waters had been broken for 24hrs) - so it was the best option. I'm not sure about talking to the Ob, I dont know that he will be objective as I know that he is pro c-section (I did not have any choice but to go to him, and really we were happy with his care). I guess I want some independence in the option. I guess that I'll just sit on it for a bit longer and ponder what to do. I think that if we were to have another baby I would really need to sort this out before the birth!
Not sure if this applies to you, but the Royal Women's Hospital in Melbourne has a designated Birth Reflections Service for women who birthed at the hospital. If you were at a different hospital, perhaps they also have a similar service?
I understand your need to talk to someone knowledgeable of your situation, but also independent of the events. Whilst my DH is aware of my disappointment/concerns, i don't think he truly gets the intensity of my feelings surrounding the birth. I think sometimes men focus more on practicalities/things they can fix and don't always get how debriefing an event can really be beneficial. If this is something that you still have questions about, i hope you can find someone who can help you get answers.
Kate - thanks very much for the link to the reflections service - it looks like a great initiative. Unfortunatly I our baby was born in Regional Vic and I dont think they have a similar service - but I am going to ask (and give them the web link that you provided as a hint).
Hey farmgirl! Sorry I didn't see this thread earlier.
I was like you - immediately after my emergency c-section I "knew" it had been the "right" thing to do for me and my baby. But the more I thought about the birth I missed out on the more it began to hurt.
I highly recommend getting a copy of your pregnancy record, labour and birth notes from the hospital. You can do this under the freedom of information act. Re-reading them made me re-understand the situation I was in and forgive myself a bit more for what happened. Although I haven't yet spoken to anyone professional about the experience, I fully intend to now as I am 3 months pregnant and planning a VBAC this time around. I hope to speak to both my midwife for this pregnancy and a doula that I hope to hire and get some fresh perspective.
I am also reading Silent Knife at the moment and getting a key message out of it that I did what I did because of love for my baby and me wanting to protect it.
Unfortunately I don't know any more about whether you could speak to anyone, but I agree that you have to give it a go and to release from it will be best for you and your baby now and your next pregnancy.
Hi Star,
Thanks for the post. I have decided (and started) to get my records through FOI - the woman at the hospital was really helpful and is sending me out the paperwork so I can apply for them. I was really hesitent still, but I was talking to a friend who is a midwife about if she thought the hospital would talk to me or not, and she offered to have a look and talk me through my records. I had not asked her as I did not want to put her in a difficult position if she felt uncomfortable, but as she offered I said yes. So given that I now have someone to talk to about what happened in a technical sense, I have decided to get the records. Feel nervous about what I will read, but am glad that you found it useful!
Congrats on your pg, and hope that you have a great nine months and VBAC! I hope that you get the support and help you deserve from those around you in terms of your birth.
Best wishes.
FG
I am going to look up that book as well - thanks again.
Contact the hospital and ask to speak to a counsellor or chaplain if they have one too. I found doing that helped me work through the trauma and depression I suffered due to post birth complications after DD was born (I didn't have c/sect but had PPH).
While it will help you to work through the technical aspects immensely, the chaplain I spoke to was wonderful in the way she understood the medical parts moreso than a regular person and helped me to come to terms with my feelings easier I felt. She also liased with the midwives and found out a bit about what happened from their POV. eg I needed to know why things happened and how they reacted at the time etc.
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