Help. I'm in a black hole over c-sections.

[peanutter]

Thanks so much for all your replies ... it's good to see how well things can go

I'm working through some of these things on paper, analysing which bits are rational, which bits can be "managed" with my ob and psych and midwife, which things can DH make provision for to help keep me calm, and where can I ask for help.

Managable chunks is the name of the game ... and trying not to be overwhelmed by the big picture, or getting into catastrophic thinking.

I only have 8-10 weeks, but on the other hand I have 8-10 whole weeks ... ITMS ...

[Kimbles01]

I think as a positive, you've got time to research and come up with a plan.

I didn't have an emergency c/s, but it was unplanned. After a failed induction, I had 12 hours to get my head around the fact I was most likely going to have a c/s, so I was able to do some reading while waiting. Overall the experience was pretty positive, but knowing I will most likely have c/s for any future babies, there are definitely things I would like done differently, so that is the benefit of knowing that it is coming. ITMS?

I hope you are able to get a positive experience out of this, and you get your skin to skin time and bubs feeds well!

[Tegam]

Oh I am so sorry you are going thru all this.

A few things to note about the breasts feeding is that cs babies get extra fluid while you are in surgery as they are making sure you are well hydrated. Where as in a natural birth you may have been off your food and water for hours or days. These cs babies tend to loss more weight. But see its an artificial weight to begin with. So please write that bit down cause in the post surgery haze when there are nurses telling you your milk hasn't come in. You can smile nicely say thank you and go home knowing every thing is ok!!


Also for ziggy getting the slops. Yes it's true in some ways for sure. I can't make that go away but I can say the he will also get so much more than your ds ever got as a baby. As ziggy will have three people loving him from the minute he is born. And he will have a big brother. Also he gets a calm second time mummy. So much more sure of herself than a first time mummy. So much quicker to respond to her baby

These are things that we underestimate. But I assure you ziggy is not worse off. Different yes but not worse off!

Hugs. I wish I could take some pain away.

[peanutter]

I'm still feeling pretty crummy, but there has been improvement over the week, talking things through a bit more with my counsellor and DH, and going through your comments. Thanks.

Today I'm seeing my ob, and I'll be asking her about a date for the c-section, when she thinks I should start mat leave, and then DH and I can start to plan a little more deliberately ...

Hopefully that will all make me calm down, and feel better about the birth, and get some strategies in place for coping with being back in hospital ...

Thanks again for your care and concern, ladies

[Purple Penguin]

Hope your appt goes well today

[Beach Mama]

Firstly huge supermassive I was devastated too once I realised at 14 days over I wouldn't be getting my VBAC but I still had a relatively positive outcome so here goes......

Ziggy's lungs won't be cleared, and have to be manually suctioned ... what a horrible entry into the world!
It happens super fast so don't be too stressed hun, some v-birthed babies have to be suctioned too so you just never know.

I won't get skin to skin contact for the first hour of so, so bonding can be much harder - and Ziggy's first experiences will be doctors and midwives doing things with them, rather than DH catching, cuddling, and then passing to me for their first feed.. Yes that first handling will be by others but again, it can be super quick and for us, DH was right next to them the second they were out, he cut the cord once they were on the table and wrapped up. I fought hard to hold DS in theatre - they told me it was too cold and he would have to go out - I said rubbish - wrap him in a blanket and let DH hold him on me which we did for the whole time they stitched me up - don't take no for an answer is the answer is unreasonable.

My colostrum might not come through for a while, as those hormones won't have been kickstarted by labour.
Mine started but both times I found my milk took a bit longer to come in, having said that with DS I was prepared and I fed him, then 1 1/2 hours later we would express to stimulate my supply. It was hard going but instead of waiting for 6 days like I did with DD my milk came in while still in hospital which was ace.

I will be trying to recover from major surgery, and won't be able to lift my DS for ages, or drive us anywhere, or even pick him up for cuddles or nappy changes. But DS will see me carrying, changing and feeding Ziggy - which will be rough on the poor little man. Kids are super resilient hun, he may not even notice if you make special cuddle time on the bed, couch, while you are feeding read stories, tell stories, talk to the baby, let him cuddle lots etc. Yes you are in pain, recovering and can't do a lot - but TBH it forces you to stop and spend time with your kids, rather than feeling like you should be up and about! I actually thought this bit was great - you HAVE to rest, you have to spend time just sitting on the couch, which means loads of time with baby and toddler!
I drove at 4 weeks both times because I felt well enough so see how you go. oxxo
I will be in hospital longer ... I completely went in to a tailspin last month when I had to be admitted for 2 or so lousy hours - how on earth am I going to cope with 3-5 days, after a c-section??
If you have no complications you could leave earlier, however see it as as time that you can recoup and again, spend that time establishing feeding etc.

It seems so unfair that Ziggy is getting sloppy seconds in so many respects, due to what happened with DS's birth ...

And I worry that somehow, one day, Ziggy will resent DS for that ... I know (believe me, I know) how irrational that sounds, but I can't get past it. A wee bit different but one thing I have learnt with my anxiety is that my thoughts are NOT reality. Yes you have those thoughts, but it does not in any way mean that will happen. Your kids are being brought into this world in different ways. The way they are brought into the world is not something they will focus on as they grow up. They will remember their happy, loving upbringing, experiences as siblings and as a family - not the birth which they will not remember. You will always remember, and hopefully reconcile one day but I promise you they will not resent each other or you for bringing them into the world in the safest way possible.

Keep venting, getting advice and working through it all. Write it all down, write down what you want to happen in hospital and work on getting there once he arrives. I managed a modified breast crawl with DS which I never thought would happen but I wanted it, asked and the nurses made it happen. They won't know what you would like unless you ask. xoxoxo

[Tegam]

I was wondering if your DH could hold a blanket that you have slept with for a week or more. There is no reason why they couldn't wrap the baby in that blanket. Then your smell is all over the baby???

[FabFiona]

How was your appointment today?

[peanutter]

The appointment was interesting.

1. She said I can go until 39 weeks for the c-section, but that they can't give me a specific date until much closer ... that kind of freaks me out, and I can't explain why. So I have a week - between 5-9 March - so I should be happy with that, but now I'm kind of frantic. I know that's not logical, I don't need to know a specific date this soon, but for some reason it's making me very anxious not knowing. If I go into labour earlier, they'll just do an emergency c-section immediately, to ensure I don't re-tear or get further pelvic floor damage. As my waters broke with DS, I'm worried about that happening, as it's common for bub #2 to come earlier than bub #1, but there's no way of knowing, and given that DS wasn't exactly in a hurry to actually get out, there's not much risk that this bub will descend too quickly even if I do have an early rupture of membranes. So I'm not happy and confident in those decisions, but I think they're right, and I just need to get my head around them ... And obviously, letting Ziggy bake until 39 weeks is better than only letting him bake until 37 or 38 weeks... And I'll be getting monitored closely, so if anything changes, the plan will change, to keep Ziggy and me safe and healthy ... I will keep telling myself that!

2. She said I should start mat leave around 35 weeks. That's quite soon! That's only 4 weeks away. My managing director (who is my next-in-line superior) is away until Monday, so I've flagged with the CEO that we might need to look at an earlier end date, and the three of us will have a chat next week. Again, I was wanting to work right up until the end to maximise the time I have available to spend with Ziggy, but with the way I'm feeling already, I don't know that I can work anywhere near that close to the end line this time. I'm just feeling heavier, sicker, more tired, more sore, more stressed, more anxious ... more everything. And that's just the way it is - I'm working on it, but there's only so much I can do, and if I need to finish up at 35 weeks instead of 38/39 weeks this time so be it. Plenty of women have to finish up much earlier than that ... it's just another thing to get my head around, and to listen to my body about. The time off might do me some good - I can do some extra counselling, navel gazing, walking, playing with DS, sleeping ... this might be a good thing.

3. [incidentally] I asked about whether I can start back on Periot (whatever it's called) which I had towards the end of my last pregnancy to reduce the awful heartburn I seem to get when bub gets this big (he's apparently already 2kgs! looks like I'm having another big boy!) and she was pretty shocked that I got prescribed that last time, as apparently it's not recommended while pg ...

So over all, there is a plan in place, it's not as specific as I would like, but it is there. Early next week, we'll set some dates with work, and I'll have a team meeting so we're all on track for that, and I can make sure everything at work is being taken care of (as I'm planning on not being available at all while on maternity leave) and DH and I will have a plan for at home, too.

And I've got counselling tonight, so we can come up with some more strategies ... I've got 8 weeks ... it can be done ... ?

[FabFiona]

It absolutely can be done. One of the "problems" with a public hospital is that they are not likely to be able to give you a specific booking date.

Early mat leave means lots of time for lunches with me. That's a definite win.

[Miss E]

That all sounds really positive hun

[sloane]

it can definitely be done. i know finishing up early means less time after ziggy is born but it might be a blessing in disguise - more time with DS before he becomes a big brother & it does sound like you need the time & space for rest & reflection

[OceanPrincess]

Early mat leave means lots of time for lunches with me. That's a definite win.

And me.

You're getting there hun... hang in there...

[Beach Mama]

Altough it doesn't seem like it, there is stuff there you can work through - maybe print off your thread post for your counselling session and work through each thing at a time. xoxox AND only 8 weeks til you meet Ziggy and your little man becomes a big brother, you become a family of 4 and you have newborn snuggles and sniffs and cuddles!! xoxoxox

[Purple Penguin]

It can be done! Hope you get a date in the near future for you to work around.

[Beach Mama]

How are you feeling now hun??

[peanutter]

Thanks for asking, Tan.

I'm no happier about it, but I'm a lot closer to accepting that this is what it is ...

And I've started discussing with my psych, ob and counsellor the need for me to have some strategies to cope with being in hospital before during and after the caeasar.

And I'm doing some thought exercises about my main worries about Ziggy, and Ziggy and my/DH's/DS's relationships.

[purplepixie1978]

I hope you got through today okay.

I have to say, in my mother's group, several of the mums had c-sections, had skin-to-skin with bubs very shortly after birth, and were (and still are) incredibly successful breastfeeders with well-adjusted, content bubs.

I hope you can make peace with yourself on this. Be kind to yourself xox