Oh hun
As everyone else has said, it really doesn't sound as though you are ready for a CS on Friday.

Is there any reason your OB wants to do the CS now, instead of waiting? The 4th Jan is still over 2 weeks away.
A lot can change in two weeks... hell, a lot can change in two days as I very well know...

You can have an emergency CS & still have an empowered CS, IYKWIM? How do you think you would be if you treid for a VBAC & it ended in a CS? Would it be enough to know you gave it a shot?

I will never have the experience of a contraction, or that wet slippery newborn on my chest, or that wow I did it feeling. Can I live with this????
my heart broke for you when I read this... whichever choice you make, I hope you find peace with it