I want an elective c section... and don't want to be bullied!

[puppies]

After a bit of discussion and some very heavy research it looks like DH and I have decided that we would like to have an elective c section. I am a VERY nerves person and unfortunately my nerves affect me physically. We are having a very big baby. We have had U/S that have him at 80th centile at 28 weeks. I am 33 weeks tomorrow and my fundas is measuring 38cm. I am 5ft1 and DH is 6ft1. We have casually talked to our Obs since seeing him that we are concerned about having a vaginal birth and would like our options open.

However I have all but decided that this is the way I would like to bring my baby boy into this world. I have done my research and I know the risks and the recovery. I am aware of the fact that even if my baby is big and I am small that we can still have a problem free vaginal birth. BUT I am not will be DEVASTATED if I attempt labour and end up with my baby, me and DH in distress and in theatre for a emergency C Section.

I feel like I need to explain myself to people on why I decided on a C Section, but really should I have to? I do not feel like I have failed as a women if I bring my baby into the world in the best way that I feel is for us as a family. I already carried him safely and obviously grew him well (with God's grace). The fear of him being hurt and distressed is far more devastating to me than anything else. I have not made this decission because of fear of pain or tearing etc. I know that even with a c/s there is pain and in fact a much longer recovery. I know that and I accept that.

But for us this is what I believe is the best thing to do. Why can't people just accept our choice and to be honest I feel liberated that I have a choice! The birth will still be a miracle as is the fact that we have been blessed to have him in the first place.

Just needed to vent and hear some supportive comments right now.

[Arimeh]

You are right, it is totally your choice, and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

I had an elective c-section for my DS - and my sister has now had 4 elective c-sections.

I knew that if I went through with labour with my first, that I wouldn't have had him naturally because I didn't have the faith in my own body to do that - so I'm sure it would have ended in a emergency c-section anyway. I think your mental preparedness has a LOT to do with how you do in labour.

If you are comfortable with your decision - more power to you. Do what is best for YOU - and don't worry about what others think - none of their business hon.

And all I can say for the recovery - take the drugs man.. take the drugs...

You'll be fine.

[Jaycee]

Hi puppies,
This decision is yours to make and you are the one who has to be ok with it all.
Don't worry what others have to say, this is your baby and only you know truly what is best.
I am glad you are ok with your decision, and if this is the way it has to be then so be it!
Good luck with it all!
xxx

[Pretty Butterfly]

Oh hon....

I have had 5 vaginal, drug free births, but I am pro choice, not pro vaginal!!

3 of my bubs were well over the 8p mark too!!

As long as you have made a informed, well based choice, then that choice IS yours!!

Dont feel guilty or like you have to explain if you believe you are making the best choice for your family babe!!

[aussienic]

It is your decision as to how your birth your baby.. I have had 3 c/s now and 2 elective. Well technically 3 but its not written down in the book like that

There are quite a few threads on here on tips to recovery but I m sure if you ask plenty will share...

Good luck..

[satya]

It's your body & your decision.

When I was recovering from my vaginal birth I had a view of the entry to a room that was being used for elective c sections. It looked very attractive to me. The ladies arrived all smiles in the morning, left for surgery a little later & quick as a flash they seemed to get wheeled back into their room with their bub. They were able to walk & sit much better than I could when we went to physio a few days later. It sure looked a far better experience than what I went through.

[Salsa]

I had an C.sect for DS cause he was breech. It was known in advance, so even though it was recommended by all the maternity professionals, it was still called an 'elective'. I felt that I had many people for years look and think lesser of me because of the way my son was born, and that was for a situation that I tried to change and he just didnt move! The 'jokes' about me being too posh to push etc and vibes i felt from others that I was not as 'real a woman' as them .
So, I think if your more at peace with a c.sect, then great. Do your research (as you have been) and talk with your OB about it. But be prepared that you`ll still probably encounter those who will make you feel like your decision was not the best etc - but stick with knowing why you made the choice. Its you and your family and no one elses business at the end of the day.

The one thing that I didnt know when I had my C.sect though and have only found out now with this pregnancy, is that if you have a c.section this time and plan to have a number of other children, it will impact on your birth choices etc for them.

[myson]

Wishing you all the best with your birth. And if you feel the need to give some kind of explanation maybe just something like "there are a few concerns that we have discussed with our OB and we are doing what is best for baby and for me". Of course different answers are applicable to who is doing the asking, but its your choice and if you think a person is going to debate the issue with you then dont give them your reasons as this will just be an invitation for them to argue them....

But GL with your birth, its the outcome tha is important. Mum and bub, both happy and healthy!

[Mum0809]

Puppies, it is totally your choice!! It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Do what is right for you, ur hubby and ur Baby.

[puppies]

Yep thanks girls, I really appreciate the confidence boost. I do feel its best for our family. I am at peace with the decision and Dh is happy with it also. We will see Obs on Thursday and discuss with him how we go about it. I know that once its all sorted I will sleep better and be less stressed cause to be honest I don't think me being all stressed about it now is doing my buba any good either.
Myson - that is good advice and I might just use that. Thanks.

[visitor1]

Having never had a c/s before i cant offer any words of wisdom other then its your body and your birthing choice.

I do hope it wasnt the lady at the classes on the weekend that has scared you...mean lady!

I wish you the very best in what ever birth choice you choose

[Salsa]

Hope it goes well with your OB.
It was such a lovely feeling when we accepted we were having a C.S and getting that date to put on the calender! Getting up on that morning and knowing that we were going to the hospital and within a few hrs we would have out baby was a bit sureal but NICE!

[Trillian]

Why would anyone bully you? It's your baby, your body, your choice and from the sound of it you are making an educated decision - no one can ask more than that of you. besides, it's no one elses business.

[sunshine_sieben]

Puppies,

I can't say I understand your choice, but I don't have to. You have done your research and you have made an informed decision. That is more than can be said for a lot of women. So no, you shouldn't have to explain yourself to other people. It is your body, your baby and your choice. It is nobody else's business (ok, DH can have a bit of a say, too :-)

There is a quote in the movie "The business of being born" that really stuck with me: "we spend much more time researching our options when it comes to buying a car or even a camera than we do when it comes to birthing our baby". You on the other hand have done your research and made up your mind on what you think will be the best for YOU and YOUR baby. I hope you can find strength in that knowledge.

I have had a complication free natural vaginal water birth in a birth centre. But I still get people making strange comments because I apparently don't care enough about the health of my baby to birth her in the normal maternity ward and accept the drugs, etc.
I only mention this to let you know, no matter what you choose to do, there will be people who think they have the right to criticise your decisions and judge you because they would have chosen a different path.

One other thing I want to mention, though, and it has nothing to do with how you birth your baby.
You describe yourself as a very nervous person. Is there any way you can try and work on this? Not to change the way you birth, but so that you can be a more relaxed mum? Oh, this is coming across all wrong, I think. Sometimes it's hard to say these things in writing. I just feel that parenting can be incredibly stressful at times, even for those of us with nerves of steel. So it might help if you can find a way to deal with your nerves and do it now, before you have your bub as once that sweet little bundle is here, you won't have time to really concentrate on yourself for a while.
I hope you don't find this comment offensive, it wasn't meant to be...

All the best and I hope your C/S is going to be easy and without complication and that your recovery time is very quick and full of joy about your baby boy.
Saša

[saslia]

I had an emergency c/s with DD and because of the rush it was not the best, but we both survived it and are alive today.

With DS I had an elective c/s and it was so clam and relaxed, DS was able to come to recovery with me and have his first feed and was a very pleasant experience. I felt in control that time around.

My Mum couldn't understand why I wasn't going to have him naturally but I told her "you have had your children now it is my turn" Turns out is was better for her in teh end as she could arrange the day off work and drive with my Dad the 2 hours to the hospital and be there when we came back from recovery and cuddle DS.

I think sometimes we place too much emphasis on HOW we give birth and not wnough on what to do afterwards ( a bit like planning a wedding but not thinking about the marraige IYKWIM?)

Best of luck!!

[puppies]

I have made an educated decision that is for sure. I wouldn't think that having abdominal surgery is taking the easy way out at all, in fact its probably the opposite. My bub will be born during holidays and I will have plenty of family and friends that are busting to help out. My DH is wonderful and takes such great care of me now, so I don't have any concerns about the recovery at all.
If I was a proud person I would attempt a vaginal birth but to be honest I would not be doing it for the right reasons. I believe that I am honestly doing the best thing for my baby and my DH and I.

Knowing that my baby will be entering this world without me and him and DH being distressed is the best thing and I am confident with that choice.

As for my nerves, I have to say your right and I am certainly not offended. I am a lot better than I used to be. I know its all in my head and that is one of the reasons why we hired a Doula. DH and I feed of each others emotions. If I get nerves, he gets stressed, if he gets stressed I get even more nerves. Our Doula has helped us and she will continue to help us learn to deal with unpleasant or unsettling situations so that we don't freak out and make things worse. The only thing in this world that makes me nerves now is making sure I can bring my baby boy into this world peacefully. As long as I have done everything I can to ensure that happens than my nerves are gone. I pray that God who blessed us with our little boy and with an easy pregnancy will continue to bless us with a peaceful and safe birth.

[LaDeeDa]

Hiya puppies,
my mum had both me and my bro by elective C/S as it was decided by both her and my dad and their OB that it would be best for her mental state as she is also an incredibly nervous/ stressed person and they tried to concieve for 15 yrs for me and they weren't willing to take any chances.
but definately try and learn some skills to be a bit calmer.... my mum is still such a worry wart that it actually affects her quality of life and can also really project onto kids.
I think it's great that you aware of yourself enough to realise that you may need to have a more controlled birth and have taken steps to ensure that your birth is the best for you and DH and your little man

Good luck!!!

[sunshine_sieben]

Oh, I completely agree, pride is not the right reason to decide on any type of birth choice. And if you attempted a vag birth out of pride, you'd most likely fail (judging by your description of your personality) as your nerves would get in your way. I found being relaxed ab****ely essential to giving birth.
And I hear you about you and DH feeding off each other's emotions. So do DH and I. And it was a real challenge in the beginning. He is so easily frustrated, and it really rubbed off on me. So if DD was having a bad night, he would get frustrated, which made me frustrated, which in turn made him angry and it just spiralled out of control from there. It took a lot of effort to work on that.

I think it is great that you have chosen a doula. She will surely be a calming influence when your little man is born.

Saslia. I have a friend who recently was in a similar situation. She had an "emergency" c/s with her first and an elective with her second. She had wanted a VBaC but decided against it - long story. She really liked her second birth experience jsut like you did. Especially because she had immediate skin to skin and BFing. I do understand what you mean with this statement:

I think sometimes we place too much emphasis on HOW we give birth and not wnough on what to do afterwards ( a bit like planning a wedding but not thinking about the marraige IYKWIM?)

And here on BB and other communities like it, it definitely can seem that way. But I found that IRL, the opposite was true. It might be different depending on the people that surround you. But in my case, i found that people were pushing for interventions, drugs and c/s (in advance only as there was never a need during DD's birth) with the same comment while completely dismissing the point that unlike with a wedding, a birth might actually have lasting effects on yours and your babies life. I found the focus was ONLY on the outcome. They dismissed the fact that these interventions could have side effects, too. BUT, I am surrounded by people who take antibiotics at the first sign of a sniffle, who's medicine cabinet has more stuff in it than my dad's surgical practice.
So, my point is: blanket statements can be misused for both sides of the argument and they are not usually all that helpful. Every situation is different.

Saša