I want an elective c section... and don't want to be bullied!

[LaDeeDa]

Hiya puppies,
my mum had both me and my bro by elective C/S as it was decided by both her and my dad and their OB that it would be best for her mental state as she is also an incredibly nervous/ stressed person and they tried to concieve for 15 yrs for me and they weren't willing to take any chances.
but definately try and learn some skills to be a bit calmer.... my mum is still such a worry wart that it actually affects her quality of life and can also really project onto kids.
I think it's great that you aware of yourself enough to realise that you may need to have a more controlled birth and have taken steps to ensure that your birth is the best for you and DH and your little man

Good luck!!!

[sunshine_sieben]

Oh, I completely agree, pride is not the right reason to decide on any type of birth choice. And if you attempted a vag birth out of pride, you'd most likely fail (judging by your description of your personality) as your nerves would get in your way. I found being relaxed ab****ely essential to giving birth.
And I hear you about you and DH feeding off each other's emotions. So do DH and I. And it was a real challenge in the beginning. He is so easily frustrated, and it really rubbed off on me. So if DD was having a bad night, he would get frustrated, which made me frustrated, which in turn made him angry and it just spiralled out of control from there. It took a lot of effort to work on that.

I think it is great that you have chosen a doula. She will surely be a calming influence when your little man is born.

Saslia. I have a friend who recently was in a similar situation. She had an "emergency" c/s with her first and an elective with her second. She had wanted a VBaC but decided against it - long story. She really liked her second birth experience jsut like you did. Especially because she had immediate skin to skin and BFing. I do understand what you mean with this statement:

I think sometimes we place too much emphasis on HOW we give birth and not wnough on what to do afterwards ( a bit like planning a wedding but not thinking about the marraige IYKWIM?)

And here on BB and other communities like it, it definitely can seem that way. But I found that IRL, the opposite was true. It might be different depending on the people that surround you. But in my case, i found that people were pushing for interventions, drugs and c/s (in advance only as there was never a need during DD's birth) with the same comment while completely dismissing the point that unlike with a wedding, a birth might actually have lasting effects on yours and your babies life. I found the focus was ONLY on the outcome. They dismissed the fact that these interventions could have side effects, too. BUT, I am surrounded by people who take antibiotics at the first sign of a sniffle, who's medicine cabinet has more stuff in it than my dad's surgical practice.
So, my point is: blanket statements can be misused for both sides of the argument and they are not usually all that helpful. Every situation is different.

Saša

[Snacks]

Hey Puppies, I have been following you around the last couple of days
I'm glad you are at peace about your birth! This has brought a smile to my face.
As always, I'm going to recommend doing as much reading etc as possible to ensure you have the most empowering experience possible! Maybe have a think about what you'd like to happen at the birth before seeing your OB - think about cuddles afterwards, breastfeeding, etc, and whether you will be able to do all this straight away, KWIM? They may not seem as important as getting bubs out, but they may become more important to you at the time.
I truly wish you all the very best, mate. Regardless of how you give birth, you are going to be awesome

[puppies]

Thanks Amy,
Yes I am at peace about it and now I feel like I can actually look forward to it because it is what I/we want. I am still writing a birth plan and will talk with Obs about it when we see him. I still want my Doula to come in with us and comfort us. I will be asking him a heap of questions on Thursday, but I am not at all concerned that he say no to the things that I would like. He is a great Dr and I think the world of him. I trust him and if for some reason it didn't all go according to plan I would be happy knowing that he did his best to ensure that we got the experience that we wanted.
Thank you ladies for your positive thoughts and words. Its still shocks me that we all get bullied by other women sometimes. What happened to the sisterhood!

[PlonkeeMumma]

Just wanted to wish you all the best for your birth. I've had 1 emerg and 2 'elective' (not that i was given much choice!) c/s and the electives were very peaceful and calm. My last one was in a public hospital and it was really great. The offered to lower the curtain as she was being taken out if i wanted (didnt as i had a dodgy reaction to the morphine and was very dozy) but cuddled her all the time she was out as soon as she had been checked. In fat she was only away from me for a few minutes in total and came with me into recovery so we could cuddle/do skin on skin if we wished/and breast feed all within around 20 minutes of her being born. She was then with me forever! first bath was in our room when we got back. So even most c/s births are very bonding experiences with your bubs. My recovery from the 2 electives was also really quick - up and about the next day with minimal pain, just on panadols for a few days.
I still feel like i have to explain myself and i still get 'the look' of some people - mostly women, when i mention ive had 3 c/s - mostly i don't say anything at all about my births as it's easier.
looking forwrad to your annaouncement in around 6 or 7 weeks.
Julie x

[PlonkeeMumma]

mmm something is up with the system - 2nd duplicate post in the space of a few mins!

[maz]

Puppies - I just wanted to commend you for standing up and doing something that is against the grain in todays society. You sound very positive and at peace within yourself.

Im also glad to hear you did your research before coming to the CHOICE you and your DH made. It wonderful that you have both made the decission together and are happy.

Dont even explain yourself to others....what's the point of your voice falling on deaf ears.

Its your body, your baby, your choice.

Good luck adn I cant wait to hear your birth story.

[~breeze~]

At the end of the day the most important thing is to have a healthy baby & mummy, not how you birth your baby!

I wish you a safe delivery & speedy recovery

[scooby]

Puppies
Can i just say i am really jealous !!
i have so much respect for you, you have made a sound, informed descion and sound really comfortable with it. That takes alot.
I am really struggling at the moment i am having an elective CS for medical reasons but not reasons everyone agrees with and i find people totally insenstive (an me too sensitive) i agree about the bullying and have avoided CS support forms for this very reason, but i saw your post and had to read! You have given me hope and to see so many come in and support you is great.
I honestly cant believe how many people make comment when i say im having a CS, they want to know everything and then try to tell me stories of someone they knew and the problem is its really personal.
I too have researched as much as i can but in my situation there are 2 very divided schools of thought and no hard evidence either way, so all i can do is go off family history and trust my ob.
In saying all that and sorry for the ramble, but your post has really help me understand that i shouldnt feel the need to explain myself and need to find some way that i can sit comfortably with the situation. Like sunshine said no matter what you choose people are always going to add their 2 cents, so you have to be comfortable yourself and believe in the choice you have made to be the right one, then it becomes water off a ducks back .
Thanks for starting this thread and i wish you all the best and will be watching for your birth story, do you have a date for your CS?

[ShootingStar]

Good on you for doing what you want and choose to do!
You will do so well and your baby will love you so much for the birth you choose to give them.

Best of luck!

[Macca79]

puppies well done on making an informed choice for your birth. As for others criticising, my experience has been that having a baby seems to let other people assume they can comment and judge on how you do everything from feeding your child to how they sleep. My advice is hold your head high put smile on your face and do what feels best for you and your family . The rest of them can get nicked!

[paradise lost]

Puppies i think being fully informed (as you are) and not being bullied are very important in a woman's decisions about birth. My only concern (and i will voice it hopefully with you in the knowledge that i believe in woman centred care for ALL women, no matter their choices) is that you HAVE been bullied, though inisidious fear, into this decision. I have seen your other threads and i feel angered that at so many times in your journey so far people have been putting doubts into your mind about birth.

I suppose what i'm trying to say is that i want you to have the birth you want, but i want you to WANT it, not choose it as the default you have been made to feel less afraid of. There are so many factors which might influence our choice but fear is surely the one which leaves us most open to regret after the event. In choosing to attempt a surgical birth rather than i vaginal one, i want you to feel empowered by the freedom of your choice and not cowed by disbelief in yourself into making a decision you might not have otherwise. I hope i'm making sense. I know that i feel the general disbelief that a healthy woman can grow and birth her babies that abounds has felt like bullying to me, and i would hate to you have made this choice because some crappy midwife filled you with fear, or some clueless radiographer scared you with a very early guesstimate which is still completely within "normal" (my DD was born on the 75th %ile and was still under 8lbs when born, 11 days overdue). This is a big ramble, please please know that this is coming from a good place. I don't think you should have a vaginal birth, i think you should have the birth you REALLY want.

If you feel you are taking your path through FREE CHOICE, and without the influence of fear-mongering and doubt from others, if you know in your bones this is what you truly WANT, then you know you have made the right decision.

I wish you a peaceful and joyful birth hun.

Much loves

Bx

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Puppies, congratulations on making a decision and being at peace with it. No-one should be forced into doing what they don't want - be that vaginal birth or a section. You'll probably get on better in hospital; no-one bullies you into trying without drugs or trying to have a vaginal birth there! You probably wouldn't cope with trying for a vaginal birth in hospital from what I've read of you and your worries and nerves. It would be a nightmare!

Forget other people. You have researched your decision and that's the important thing. And no-one cares how you gave birth when the baby is here. If you do want to tell them then you're ignored because "it's only one day" and "the baby's here now". Having a NYE baby sounds great; recovery public holiday is such a good plan!

Best of luck to you when you talk to your Obs.

[puppies]

Hoobley,
I understand where you are coming from and yep I can see where that conclusion came from based on my other threads. When we first decided to TTC I honestly wanted a c section. Then as time went on I felt that I should at least try for a vaginal birth based on everyone's opinions. Although from the very beginning even before we had out growth scan at 28 weeks we had asked the Obs that we would like our options open to us and made sure he was able to offer us our options.

As the pregnancy has progressed my anxiety has increased and that stupid midwife most certainly impacted on that. But she certainly can't take responsibility for the final decision. In a way I am glad I was able to finally make my mind up and I am very confident with my/our choice. I slept so well last night, in fact better than I have in months and I think it has to do with the fact that this decision fits better with me and accepting that has bought me peace. I would have only tried a vaginal birth simply because I thought I had to as a women and Im glad that I have finally been able to be honest with myself and strong enough to take a stand and choose what is actually right for me/us instead of just going with what everyone else thinks is right.

In my 'bones' this does feel right to me and to be honest I am now looking forward to it and am feeling invigorated knowing that I can have the birth that I want not just what I should do and I am not ashamed of that.

[LG]

I have to admit that after having 2 normal births I would love for everyone to experience what i did! And I am sad that a lot of c-sections are elected due to a social fear of birth and misinformation. Having said that, you sound like you have done your research and if you are aware of the risks associated with c-section and you believe that is the right choice for your family then you are making an informed educated decision that is YOURS to make, and no one else need impact on that, unless you invite them to.
Really, at the end of the day, no one MAKES us feel guilty, the feeling has to already be there.
Since you are making an educated and informed decision, this gives you a wonderful opportunity to lessen some of the possible negative impacts, and provides you the time to talk to your carers about breastfeeding, bonding, and recovery etc.
All the best to you - i hope making your own educated birthing choices allows you to feel empowered!

[beau_9]

hi puppies, i too have leaned towards a c-section for our first precious bubba. i have some issues with my pelvis that have been brought up to me and my mum and sis have both ended up with emergency c-sections to deliver with the same shaped pelvis, and i have chosen not to go through however many hours of labour and put my child in harms way to be rushed into emergency to deliver via ceasar.
but like you i have to keep defending myself because even though i have some medical proof about my pelvis it is still classified as an elective ceasar. my ob wasn't overly supportive however he did say it's totally my choice given my family history, that there's a good chance i'll end up in emergency.
the midwife i talked to when i was sick in hospital just immediately shut me down and said you'll be fine to deliver vaginally, and since then it's taken me a long time to accept that it's fine for me to choose a c-section. like you said i feel that i'm not letting myself down for my choice in delivery, cause after years of ttc, all i care for is having a beautiful, healthy baby.
my family and friends are very supportive and encouraging me to go with my instincts, but i feel it's others who have extremely strong opinions on birthing vaginally, and think that i'm choosing this cause i am 5ft3 and only 55kgs pregnant, but i am totally aware that you can birth vaginally at this small with no probs, i just can't ignore family history and my pelvis shape.
oh it felt good to also vent that out, it's been playing on my mind since i got the positive blue line...ha ha
good luck puppies.