Ally - wow... you certainly have some very, very compelling reasons for having a c/s! Thankyou for sharing.

I will be having an elective caesar with my next baby. A small part of me would like to try for a vbac but I fear any effort would be in vain.

There's a couple of reasons why I will be opting for an caesar. Firstly, Gabby's birth was one buggered up experience. I was induced WAY too early for fear of what "may" happen (because my BP was high and the Dr. wanted to avoid the risk of pre-eclampsia even tho I showed no other symptoms), taking away my chance to go into labour on my own. 5 days later, my waters were broken for me (meconium all through them... hardly a surprise Gab was stressed out!) and I got to experience a whole 4 hours of labour (which felt exactly the same as the pain from the gel that I had been experiencing but people kept telling me it wasn't "real" labour), had an epidural, put on the drip, Gab's heart rate dropped (cord around her neck) so ended up having a caesar. It was all just one giant mess.
I didn't ask questions. I didn't have a real "birth plan". I just wanted to be a good patient and come out with a baby that was alive.
Which leads to my other reason for wanting a caesar - and probably the most important reason.
My great grandmother, my grandmother and my mother have all experienced a still birth at full term. 3 generations of women have been through the horrific experience of having their baby die whilst in labour (not before). My mother has been very open and honest when she talks about her experience of losing my older brother (he first born and her only son). I am terrified of the same thing happening to me.
I have been told that medicine has come a long way, and I'm sure my mother would have been told that too (and possibly my grandmother). It's just too much of a risk, imo. The fact that the cord was wrapped around Gabby's neck just indicates to me that perhaps a natural birth is not within my reach. To be honest, when it comes down to having my baby be born alive and well and experiencing a natural/vaginal birth, the healthy bub wins hands down.

Of course, I am not pregnant with #2 yet and have not spoken to a Dr. about my options. I did make them very aware of my family history when I was pregnant with Gabby - it was noted in my records and I did feel like I was heard. I was disappointed that I ended up having a caesar with Gabby but with all I had been through and all I was afraid of, I didn't really even hesitate when I was told that it was happening. At the time I was kind of... relieved?

I believe we all do things with the best intentions but sometimes it’s very hard for others to understand ones choices, or feelings, because they have not been there themselves
I totally agree with you there. And... for what it's worth, I haven't come across one person that has made me feel bad for having a caesar or wanting one next time. Everyone on BB has been supportive and, though I do feel a little twinge of "if only" when people talk about natural birth, I don't feel as though they are talking about it to make me feel bad. I agree that women need to be supported and helped to learn to trust in their bodies and what they can do - so long as it's within their abilities both physically AND mentally.