In praise of the C-Section

[BellyBelly]

Oh dear. Like i've said all along, can't make anyone feel anything. Nothing any of us can do for that. What makes you happy/sad/aggressive is based on your own experiences growing up, how you were raised and through life... how you react and respond to things you don't like is just touching on a wound not dealt with. Just as a child has a tantrum, an adult one is a huge indication of that.

[Mummato2]

I think we often interpret other people's birth experiences & choices through our own birthing experience, to a point of not seeing that all experiences and choices are valid. I've read a lot lately about how the experience pales in comparison to the result, and in the scheme of things, of course it does, but that doesn't mean that the experience is not important or significant, and that a birthing woman's needs, desires and choices shouldn't be respected.

You've nailed it in that one paragraph.

Too many people judge a person's birthing experience and choices based on what they believe for themselves to be "right".

If people want an elective c-section, home birth, free birth, birth centre, labour ward, medicated, unmedicated - go for it, just know the risks and take responsibility if there are consequences.

NO ONE has the right to judge......it's that judgment that puts unnecessary stress and pressure on a person to feel as though they've "failed".....bloody ridiculous if you ask me. There is already enough pressure on a new mum these days without the added crap of birth guilt.

Now, I am NOT speaking of those who end up with unnecessary intervention.

In saying that, I am a firm believer that if you have a flexible, well thought out birth plan with all points covered, the guilt and worry if something does go wrong will be minimised.

Ensure that you have provisions in there like what happens if a c-section is needed or an epidural strongly suggested or transfer. Thinking of these scenarios mentally help to prepare you for the curve balls sometimes labour can throw at you. It also allows you to still make choices within the situation - and you'll be in better control.

Lastly, if something doesn't feel "right" take 5 minutes alone with your DP to talk it out and make the decision together (if it's feasible).

Sorry for the long rant - this is a bit close to home for me.

[kirsty_lee]

Wow! Talk about Crazy lol.. how is it that everytime there is a thread started about either Csection/homebirth/natural birth/breast feeding/formula feeding it always turns into a **** fight? Why can't people just accept. EVERYONE is different. Everyone does things their own way. I couldn't give two craps on whether the woman sitting next to me is the goddess of mothering with her homebirth, cloth bummed, breastfed, non controlled crying, sling wearing baby. Makes not one iota of difference to me and how I birth. Nor does it make me feel like any less of a mother, or make my birth any less significant. So what's the point in it turning into an argument? Sure debate the day away but I have learnt a long time ago. If you don't agree with someone or something they say, just don't post. What's the point? No one will agree and everyone is entitled to their own opinion. yes of course there are people who come along more strongly with their opinions and become almost 'forceful' with it like their way is the only way. But only YOU have the choice on how to deal with that. If you let what EVERYONE says or thinks gets to you then you'll just end up insane. While I understand people are upset etc. The public flaming and name caling is just not necessary. and im sure the OP didn't want the thread to turn out in that way otherwise she wouldn't of posted kwim?

[BellyBelly]

I get that judgement is the big one... (again feeling judged is something self created) but if you mean on BB, can you please provide an example where there has been a judgement (on which I assume is c/s births?) so I can see what you're relating this to? I usually don't take part in any discussions in the c/s or ff support forums, because I don't have personal experiences to share, so those that do go off and do their thing there. But posting articles of interest in the main forum as I do, I don't consider to be a judgement.

KL: Up to interpretation; I don't see a fight in here only a disagreement of opinions. My head and heart has been calm the whole time. There's a strong display of personal emotions in some of the posts I think all of us has learnt something here, about ourselves or anything else, I know I have. If nothing mattered to anyone, the world would be a very different place. People wouldn't be passionate about something, working in the jobs they do, meeting the people they do. Nothing wrong with having differing opinions and attaching different meanings to things at all.

[Mummato2]

Perhaps I should clarify again.. eek! I don't feel inspired to post my positive c-section birth story because it goes against the BB philosophy and is very different to so many stories on this site. But that's just my own feelings - nothing to do with anything any specific any body has said. I'm sure if I did post it, there would probably be many people who were supportive, and I'm absolutely sure that no one would sling mud, etc But I still don't feel inspired to do it.. here, anyway. No offense intended or taken, that's just the way it is.

I'm sorry you feel that way I have found the opposite. I've contributed to some pretty heated discussions on things that would be seen as "against the grain" and have to say I love this site because it is far more respectful than others that hold the same topics for discussion.

It's lovely to see a forum for once, that it's members truly do respect one another and healthy debate and opinion sharing is welcomed - even if it is against the philosophy of the creator of the site.

[slyder]

otherwise she wouldn't of posted kwim?

'He'. This is the blokes section after all. We haven't had this much action since the last Grand final I suspect.

[BellyBelly]

LOL well we are probably going to move it considering the topic, and that the OP put it here to avoid trouble in other forums

[kirsty_lee]

sorry he lol not much sleep and a cranky toddler in my ear.. and im use to typing "she" lol dont usually frequent the mens threads

[slyder]

That's OK. You're forgiven, you naughty voyeur.

[~Kaz~]

I don't think this thread has been that crazy at all. I think there are a great number of articulate, well thought out, respectful posts in it. I for one have benefited a great deal from pretty much all of the posts. They've forced me to think about my situation and the broader one from a different angle which can only be a good thing. It is a topic that's close to home for lots of us (mums and dads) and I think this thread is actually a great example of how controversial or emotive topics can be discussed and debated in a mature and productive way. Looking back over the thread, a lot of the posts are actually saying pretty much the same thing. We all have far more in common with each other than the differences between us.

I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to contribute to this thread. It's been enlightening

[kirsty_lee]

That's OK. You're forgiven, you naughty voyeur.

LOL thank you

Kaz, I was referring more to the name calling than anything else.

[BellyBelly]

KL I don't know if you can see this, but this clip I found yesterday sums it up beautifully

Videos Posted by Positive Thinking: Don't take it personally | Facebook

Name calling is all to do with where THEY are at emotionally. Some people choose to self soothe with drugs, food, sex, alcohol (this is not the way to do it if you want to move past it!) ... and then some people don't know how to do that at all and lash out, yell, scream, tantrum, abuse or whatever comes out from their hurt/pain. Learning how to is very empowering and imagine how those people would be without those other things in excess. Less weight, less illness, less depression and anxiety...

[maz]

Im pretty sure that at the time when I had Miss Diva that I posted how great of a c/s I had had. It was the best one I had had to be honest. No pain...no stress....perfect!!!!

take c/s number 4....my baby almost died...I wasnt very far of it myself....and my c/s as a disaster.

but then vaginal birth's can end up being the exact opposite of what people expect. Just take recently a BB member who went and had a VBA2C's and was in shock about how she reacted during her vaginal birth. Another member went through 3 days of labour to end up having to have a c/s any way. BOTH girls recieved support, comfort and nothing negetive was said towards them.

I find it highly ammusing that one says they wont debrief at all before the fact. Wait until the moment has happened and see were your emotion's take you then. Its like all those who say their children will never watch tv and end up buying the latest movies 3 years down the track for them.

I also find one who HAS NOT had the experience, good or bad, should be able to comment either way on c/s'. All the studies and writing's cannot compete with actually having the experience of one.

It is a very touchy subject, one that has to be handled with kind gloves....both sides. Its not something to shove off, blame peoples emotional state....child birth is a spirtial developement in someone so there for people will be emotional about it.

[Inanna]

I too have found this a wonderful post! I am curious as to why it is seen as a poo fight KL?
Only 1 poster has been abusive & name called.
Everyone has articulated their viewpoints, clarified the places they have come from & shared the emotions that came with that...

When someone name calls or becomes abusive it's NEVER about the other person it is always about what is happening inside that person.

I hope that has come at least out of this thread. That speaking about our own experiences, standing up for our ideals - even sharing them in a signature isn't about anyone else but us! It's about learning, educating, supporting and growing.

[Lulu]

**looks around

what ****fight? What name calling? What flaming?

Ach skeeta! If you could be inspired someday to post your birth story, I think it would benefit others as much as any other story posted - this is a birth site after all.
If I had to have a c/s, I'd quite like to hear a positive story, Mazzies was great.

[BellyBelly]

child birth is a spirtial developement in someone so there for people will be emotional about it.

Indeed it is Maz Which is why I have chosen homebirth for next time, so I get that. But when it takes over your life and how you interact with people for an extended period, it can have detrimental effects. Like I said in an earlier post, we all grieve, digest and dissect. But when we use the negative resulting feelings to blame others for how we feel, then we're on the very wrong track to inner peace/healing. Only when you look inside can you do that, keep looking externally and you'll have those emotions for a VERY long time, and who wouldn't be happier without feelings of failure, judgement and all the rest?

[maz]

WTG Kell on the homebirth and next one something you wanna share

Some people can handle their greif others look for scape goat's and whether its due to a bad birth or something entirely different we have all been guilty of shift blame onto someone.

Yes...I agree fullheartedly hon about not allowing the emotions to take over our lives...depression is not a fun ride to be on. Reading material when your already in a self distructive state of mind can push you over the edge and can come across as a slap in the face from those who have never experienced what you have gone through physically and emotional. Everyone is different and there fore we process things differently.

What may come across to some as educating peoples choices may come across as preaching the unknown.

[BellyBelly]

How do they know you've not experienced it Maz, and that you're not basing it on what helped drag you out of the depths? It's really difficult to wait for a 'right' moment... because bad can quickly turn very serious without intervention, if it's that bad. The work I have based the advice on is successfully used with people going through one extreme to the other... loss of a family member, cancer... serious things. There's no waiting for those people. Sometimes we need a wake-up call (gosh knows I did) and for me, that came right in the middle of the worst of it.

*mwa*