Oh Danielle what a horrible experience you had last time, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Please do not blame yourself for what happened My suggestion would be right everything down that happened last time and what plan was made for the next time. Please keep several copies of these so you can give one to everyone involved in your cares. I would make an appt with your OB as soon as you can so you can start working through your history and getting a plan in place for this birth. Getting a relationship and plan in place with your OB hopefully will help you relax and enjoy your pregnancy a bit more. We'll be here for you too. Best of luck!!